The Joy Of Being Used

At the end of a rather long week, we were finally in bed before midnight for once. But alas, our plans to sleep early were usurped by a most terrible noise from the other side of our bedroom walls-- Yelling, screaming, punching, a child crying, furniture being thrown around and broken...

J was already asleep (within seconds of his head hitting the pillow no less) but I could hear L stirring in reaction to the loud bangs and my heart was breaking at the realization that our neighbors were having a violent domestic.

I poked J awake and we quietly adjourned to the kitchen, feeling sorry, sad, appalled and afraid all at once. We looked into each other's faces and knew we needed to pray for that family. So we stood there and prayed. We asked God from the bottom of our hearts to send His spirit of Peace into that household, to calm them with His mighty hand. God knows, we've been down that road before and it's such a dark place to be.

God truly works in mysterious ways. I know that had J and I not been through this ourselves, we would not have the same level of empathy and compassion for our neighbors as we now do. I probably would have called the police and gotten mad at them for waking us and our baby up. But I did not; not because I didn't want to, but because I knew that calling the police may not help them much in the moment.

I knocked on their door as the fighting grew worse and we heard the lady shouting about having bloodied hands and her daughter crying. She came to the door and I quietly led her back to my house. I sat her on my couch and poured her a glass of water.

It's so ironic that just two weeks ago, I had made her acquaintance by shouting at her through the kitchen window: "Were you the one who threw all those old clothes into the rubbish chute, thereby jamming up the entire thing? I can't open my chute door!" Needless to say, she denied the allegation, haughtily exclaiming that even though she's a Chinese immigrant, her Singaporean husband had told her where the appropriate place was to throw bulk refuse. 

I let all the bitterness in her voice wash away. Someone, or many people must have played the "China card" against her many times before.

But last night, we made a new connection and she told me that she appreciated our help. I went to bed that night rejoicing in all that wonderful and mysterious ways God worked to bring us together. After our conversation, I realized that I was in a great position to empathize with and listen to her. I also realized that our move to the US was delayed for a reason. It gave me such joy then to know that God is very active in our lives and using us in every possible imaginable way, at our own individual capacities. It felt wonderful to be used by the one God on high who sees all and knows all.

It's strange to note, but even though I slept at 2am, I felt more refreshed than ever.

Update On Spiritual Life

Being a mommy is no easy job. In between laundry, diaper changes, breastfeeding or just plain trying to feed myself, I find myself exhausted and in no mood for anything but perhaps some Ellen Degeneres videos. That lady can really make me laugh!

All this exhaustion is not merely physical, it's mental and emotional too. Today, Lizzie asked me if I ever felt inadequate as a mom. Like if I ever felt like I could have done better or done more. I told her that I don't feel that way because if I felt like I could do something better, I would just do it that better way the next time. But honestly, most days, I feel like I could have been a much better wife. 

I know that Jerry is trying his best to be a dad and a husband despite his busy schedule. Yet on most days, I find myself wondering, "why isn't he doing more?" or "why isn't he taking more initiative to help me?"

That kind of attitude usually leads to a general feeling of dissatisfaction. It's very easy to find fault with everything he does. 

Then when an argument comes about, it's that much harder for me to be gracious and patient.

When I am being a difficult wife, this thought would often enter my mind: would you want Brendan to be as bad tempered as you when he gets older? Would you like him to show others the same amount of grace that you are showing your husband now?

Obviously, the answer is always NO. 

Still I find myself falling short again and again and again.

Currently, I am facing another crisis in trying to resolve a conflict. It's like my heart has suddenly become so stubborn and stone-cold. I never could have imagined that anybody could make me feel this angry in my life! 

Again and again, I know God is calling out to me to forgive as He forgave me. Still, it is taking me time to get over it. Whoever said marriage is a crucible for the spirit is not joking at all. Man oh man! My limits have been stretched beyond stretching. God certainly will give us more than we can handle... I know He wants me to give this situation to Him because the burden is too heavy for me to carry. And yet, here I am, still adamantly holding on my load.

Lord help me.

How's Married Life?

I haven't even completed blog posts about the wedding and stuff, but I feel like I should answer this question right now since every time I meet someone, it's the first thing I'm asked. 

"How's married life?"

Okay, yesterday was our one month anniversary and I totally forgot. I only remembered this morning because I tried to sleep in after 9am and couldn't. The irritation drove me to think about work and all the days that I have to work this week. That drove me further to try to remember what day it is. I thought it was the 24th. 

24th??? Hmmm.... Why does that date sound so familiar?

OHHH!!!

*hurries to text Jerry that yesterday was our one month anniversary*

But really, I know he forgot and I know he knows that I forgot as well and we both don't really care haha.

That's kind of how married life is like. It's pretty much like how life was before we were married; just that we get to sleep together in the same room every night now.

What that means is:

An extra hour of sleep for the man
(He doesn't have to send me home every night and then send himself home after that.)

We have to solve every argument/issue like right away

(If not... there'll be NO SLEEPING HERE TONIGHT NO, NO SLEEPING HERE TONIGHT)

No space for me to roll around

(Because space is limited when you share a bed with someone)

Unlimited cuddle time

(That is, until the man demands sleepy time)

We don't threaten each other with undertones of "breaking up" anymore (yeah we, Christian, adults, are still capable of that) because well, we took a vow and we know it came with a No Return policy. So these days, it sounds more like us being on the same team and trying to work it out together because we both know... there could be NO SLEEPING HERE TONIGHT NO and of course it hurts to see the other party upset.

Truthfully, it is way more upsetting to see your partner upset than to just be upset. And interestingly, the two of those events aren't mutually exclusive. He gets upset when he sees me being upset and vice versa. We have had to pray through these moments when we get stuck in our "you're upset so I'm upset NO I'M UPSET BECAUSE YOU'RE UPSET". It's miserable to be stuck in there and only God can pull us out of it.

But really, married life is great.

That is, if you are willing to endure the agony of having to swallow your pride 24/7/365.

Finally, A Wedding!

I'm actually writing this post in September. On my mother's birthday no less; but at least I'm finally writing it! As you know, It didn't take me very long to plan this wedding. Within two months of Jerry's proposal, we got the whole thing up and running with God's grace.

I got up around 4am that morning. Candy, my makeup artist arrived somewhat punctually around 4.30am. She got to work right away.

It didn't feel real.

It almost felt like any other ordinary day actually. Just getting my hair done, blah blah blah...

Being the professional she is, Candy barely took an hour to get not only my makeup, but also my hair done as well. I was left with plenty of time to walk around the house and do nothing. The girls were just starting to get their makeup done by Jean around 5am.

Meanwhile, my brothers' bedroom had been taken over by the female relatives who were getting their hair and makeup done as well.

I was actually pretty excited to see my little sister getting all dolled up. 

In the meantime, the boys who did not have to have their hair or makeup done were helping themselves to some breakfast. My mom had cooked a whole pot of minced pork porridge the night before to feed everybody who would be dropping by the house. Great foresight on her part! We were quite hungry by 6am.

My custom-made cheongsam hung ready in the room.

And my slippers ;)

As the time for Jerry's arrival drew closer, I quickly got dressed before proceeding to lounge around the house some more.

Traditionally, my mom should help me to put on the 四点金 (dowry jewellery pieces), but her eyesight's getting poor, so the photographer actually helped us with it as well.

Customary photo with my dad.

The bridesmaids were helping each other get ready as well as preparing for the gatecrashing.

I was connected on Skype so I could watch the gatecrashing.

They made some weird salad for Jerry comprising of all the things he hates haha!

A photo with the bridesmaids before they head off to torture the groom... Check out all those innocent smiles... Hahaha!

I can't believe my little brother is now taller than me!

Jerry finally arrived at around 7am.

As is customary, my little brothers were there to open the door for their soon-to-be brother-in-law (and thus receive a red packet for their hard work).

On his way to collect the bride (me... LOL!)

BUT, you gotta get past the bridesmaids first!

First they had him eat the weird salad.

His face says it all!

Next, they had him and another groomsman put tape on their hairy legs so they could rip it off.

Smiling in glee as my sister holds the phone for Skype.

Next up, Amanda's great idea. Making them follow some ridiculous dance routine a la the Backstreet Boys. Okay, the Backstreet Boys was really my idea... 

I was pretty amazed at how willingly Jerry stepped up to do the dance!

Next, Shirley prepared the banana thingy. I have no idea what they dipped it in. Vinegar?

They were supposed to pass it to each other while taking bites each time.

Ivan's priceless face before biting into the banana... HAHAHA!

Great job guys!

Making them pose by spelling words with their bodies.

Reading out a funny tongue twister.

And finally! Jerry gets the permission to come up to the house. I think he got away pretty easily eh, that was one smooth gatecrashing!

"Yay... I made it..."

"Where's Mindy?"

"WHERE'S MINDY?"

Alverina handed him something to read before coming into my room. 

Here comes the crunch time!

Usually, the groom makes a lot of promises before coming into the bedroom. But luckily for Jerry, I'm a simple gal. All he had to do was to promise to take me to nice places after we get married. HAHA! None of that "my money is your money" thing.

Anddd....

Feeling pretty awkward here actually because everyone is looking at us from outside the bedroom door...

That's it! 

With just 15 minutes left on the schedule, we had to pack up and start getting ready to leave for the wedding venue.

The boys managed to grab some porridge before leaving.

The hotel was just a five minute drive away from home.

One of my favourite shots of the day :)

We had the tea ceremony in a little conference room provided by the Regent Hotel free of charge.

My Nanny got all emotional and that made Jerry and I tear up too. It was probably the first time during the day that I started to feel the gravity of the entire situation. 

Our solemnisation was held in the same room immediately after the tea ceremony.

Pastor James from Glory Presbyterian Church was our solemnizer.

That's me being awkward again. And my awkward brother in the right foreground refusing to look in our direction as we kiss HAHAHA!

Signing our marriage certificate made it official!

After that, we went upstairs to check out our suite and dump all our stuff in the room.

I changed into my wedding dress and also had Jean put my hair half down. I kind of regret doing that now though. It looked better up!

The hotel staff were getting our reception room ready.

Simple pink roses and baby's breath for centrepieces.

Had a good looking bunch of people manning the welcome table :D

Thanks to Sophia and Zach who helped to play music for our wedding song!

Another "this is real" moment: my dad putting the veil on over my face.

I kind of felt like crying at this moment.

Unbeknownst to me, my dad's left arm had been hurting badly right before the walk down the aisle. But he told me that the pain miraculously went away for those few hours, if not he would not have been able to have such a smooth walk. 

Giving his blessings to us.

Instead of a candle ceremony, we opted for a sand ceremony.

Three colors of sand which represent God, Jerry and I. In our marriage, we want God to be the foundation that we build on. That's the bottom layer. The second layer is Jerry and the top layer is me. After pouring the sands together in the jar, we will no longer be able to return the colors back to the original containers. This is a physical representation of what we see our marriage to be.

Then came the epic part...

He was only supposed to lift the front of my veil.

But he actually lifted the entire thing right off my head! 

It was super hilarious!

Here's me being awkward again... 

Normal pretty brides have a very graceful and stately stroll. Yours truly swung left to right like a duck.

And made funny faces...

My dad gave a short speech but Tim went all out. 

We were pretty moved by what he said about parents not saying enough that they love their children. 

Minmin and Ninja were the MCs for the day. 

Our wedding cake and cupcakes were made by Annie Goh of Les Cupcakes. She was also the one who set up the cake table for us. Everyone loved it!

They were red velvet cupcakes with pastel pink and yellow cream cheese toppings. Annie has a talent for making them just right- not too sweet and not too thick.

Then came my favourite part of the reception. Jerry's speech!

My mom cried. But that was when I was talking.

Jerry cried too. I guess I have a talent for making people around me cry.

Poured the champagne into the glass tower. Blah blah blah...

Family and friends were invited onto the stage for the yam seng toast.

Max lived up to his name by screaming YAM SENGGGGGGGG the loudest and longest!

A toast!

I was so very very happy/excited/touched/wowed when I saw Eileen in her pink dress. 

<3 p="">

Then it was time to say goodbye!

We asked the hotel staff to try to end things by 4pm. Neither Jerry nor I like long drawn out ceremonies. I don't fancy keeping people for too long either.

And that was it! We went back to our room happy but exhausted... 

And that was how we got married!