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Hello! 

Has it really been that long since my last post? For some reason, it doesn't feel like that much time has gone by. Yet so many things have happened since then. 

First things first, I got an internship! 

It's been going well and I've been enjoying it so far. Most importantly, I am just so grateful that God has given me an opportunity to do SOMETHING now besides eating and sleeping! The best part is, two floors below my office, there's a Christian bookstore that I can go to during my lunchtime. I checked it out this morning and bought a CD already. 

I have no idea where this is going, but I trust that the Lord will direct my steps. As long as I lean on His understanding and not mine, He will make my path straight!

As for other areas of life- I had a big fight with my mom last week but we are doing very well now. I am trying my best to communicate with her as much as I can and she is doing the same as well. There is no more friction left hanging in the air even though we are both very busy and only see each other maybe fifteen minutes each day. 

Also, I've been facing tremendous temptation since two weeks ago. All of a sudden, I felt like a lot of things were thrown in my face. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and scared that I would fall to it, but I was greatly encouraged on Sunday by Mrs. Hane (house Bible study's host's wife...). I know a lot of temptation may come my way to try to snatch me out of God's hands, but He is not going to test me beyond what I can handle. And most importantly, He will be right there with me when I am being tested. 

This coming Friday, I have to go to a fancy club for work. Of all places! It's going to be a networking sort of thing and I am hoping that it will turn out well. However, I'm also getting the feeling that I am about to walk into the lions' den. I don't know what's ahead of me, but I can only pray that our Lord Jesus Christ will go on ahead and clear the way. 

Life is really really picking up. 

It's so weird. One moment, I'm lying in bed all day. The next, I hardly have time to breathe. 

But I have peace from the Prince of Peace :)

Sharing In Christ's Sufferings

I was gonna start writing a post about how difficult life has been... how tough it is to live the Christian life amidst this dark world- but then I realised that this "tough Christian life" is exactly what I've been asking for.

I asked God to help me live outside of my comfort zone didn't I? And I asked that He would help me to live carrying the cross each day didn't I?

So now that I've got great opportunities to test my mettle, witness to others in God's love, why am I screaming "pain! PAIN!"? Has not God prepared the way ahead? Is He not right there with me in the fire? Will He not deliver me when I call?

So I'll just say one thing- things are definitely not getting easier by the day. But at least I know that I will not be tested beyond what I can handle. I also know that all these things are to reap a great harvest when the time is right. I am just grateful that God has counted me worthy to take part in His sufferings.

Today when we took communion in church, it struck me that I am always eager to participate in the blessings of Christ, but not so much in the sufferings of Christ.

Yet Romans 8:17 says "Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

Also in Job 2:10, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

I know that all these things will pass... They are worldly temporary troubles. But we work for a prize that is far greater. A prize that cannot be destroyed by rust, moth or mold. So I count all my miseries as gain!

Thank you God, for testing me and molding me into someone who may stand in Your presence someday, knowing that I have pleased You. I pray that You will give me the right attitude in handling all the trials that are coming my way. Help me to lean unto You with all I've got. Use all of this for Your glory! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

A Blur Of Events

I went home this past weekend to spend some time with my family.

Baby brother still the same- engrossed in his video game.

Spent Sunday working on a dress for Nat.

My mom said it looks like a milkmaid's outfit!!! What do you think? Would you wear it out? I would...

Monday evening I went with a small group of trackies to Queens, New York for a track meet. Traffic was really bad on the way and it took us almost an hour and a half to get there.

In the spirit of upcoming Easter, we saw a car with bunny ears on the way.

Although the day had started out with Singapore weather, by the time we got there, the wind had dropped to a chilly 15 Celsius.

My event- the 3,000m steeplechase ended up being cancelled but at least I ran a 4x100m relay just for laughs.

I got home exhausted, mostly mentally and emotionally because even though I didn't have to fight any physical battles on the track, I had to fight spiritual battles within myself. Although outwards I was smiling and laughing and joking around with my teammates, inside I was a mess of thoughts and feelings.

Yes... It's the whole loving your enemy thing again.

To make matters more complicated, this "enemy" happens to be my ex, who is now... my track coach (long story). So not only do we clash in one level but you can imagine how complicated the dynamics are right now.

I am constantly faced with the struggle of having to be nice to him for Christ despite the unfairness of many situations. My gut instinct is always to lash out at him in hate and anger when he says or does stuff to spite me; but I keep reminding myself that I'm a different person now and it is for Jesus Christ that I now live- not my pride.

It is so hard!

It drives me crazy to have to bend over backwards, to not gossip, to swallow my pride and walk straight shoulders squared among all the eyes that are watching me. I feel like everybody is waiting for me to fall and I'm walking on a tightrope. My stomach turns each time and my flesh literally feels like there's something crawling underneath it when this struggle is going on. But I cannot cannot cannot give in!

But other times when I do give in (against my will), I just feel so unworthy, so low and far from God because of certain things I said that were out of place. It's like the perfect way to invite other people's judgment on myself- especially when I so blatantly toot God's horn on a daily basis.

Give me more grace!

Lord, help me to remember that You alone have the right to judge and that You have cast my sins as far as the east is from the west! Help me to run this race with my eyes fixed on the prize, leaving the past behind and forging ahead to take hold of Your victory. I ask in Jesus' name that You will take away any anger, hate or discordant spirit in me and fill me instead with a humble and contrite spirit. Help me to pray sincerely for my enemies and to bless them. May Your hand bless everything that I do, in Jesus' name I pray, thank you... Amen!

On another note, spring is definitely springing forth with the april showers.

It rained all day today and I predict more lovely blooms in the days to come.

So exciting to see green things budding after all these months of wintry gray!

I just got back from watching a school play actually. There was a production of The Little Shop of Horrors and I decided to go watch it because it was the first play I'd ever watched as a little girl and I wanted to see if I would pick up anything new this time.

First of all, I recognised some friends on stage and it was really awesome to watch them transform from ordinary people to bellowing singers. I never knew some of them were so talented! My applause was therefore much more sincere today than at Carnegie Hall last year...

As the plot unfolded, I began to pick out themes as if I were reading a book. I guess that's what being an English minor has done to me- I now naturally analyse every media form in all sorts of thematic contexts.

*spoiler alert in next paragraph*

But what I particularly enjoyed was that this play is very much relevant to the rundown area in Jersey City that we live in. The Little Shop of Horrors is set in Skidrow, a ghetto little town with hardly any prospects for its residents. However when Seymour, who works as an apprentice in a floral shop discovers a fantastic man-eating plant and uses it to gain fame, wealth and power, he is provided with an opportunity to "make it big". It's like the classic rags-to-riches fairytale, except that this one in Skidrow has a twist in it. Seymour's fairy godmother is this man-eating flytrap looking monster plant that keeps demanding "more! more!" and eventually Seymour has to sacrifice to it the very woman for whom he's been sacrificing things for. Obviously, at the end of the play, all the main characters are dead (in the monster plant) and the chorus sings the moral of the story: which is to stop feeding the plant.

On my walk back to the dorms in the soft rain, a thought kept recurring in my head: what are you chasing? What are you living for?

Am I trying to gain more friends? Am I trying to earn lots of money? Am I trying to become well-liked, fashionable, funny, awesome?

Because whatever I'm living for, if it's not the right thing, it's like the monster plant. The more I feed it, the bigger it gets. And even though at the beginning it promises me pleasure, wealth, fame, etc., at the end of it all, it will consume everything that I have and am.

Sigh...

Living for Christ is not easy. I feel as if I'm constantly struggling against myself. But at the end of the struggle there is always a peace that seems to come from nowhere. He always leads me out to greener pastures and still waters.

Thank God for trials for they make us stronger!