Freely Freely Give

It's so incredible to think about how much God loves us. No matter how much I screw up, He always ALWAYS takes me back. He never throws tantrums and refuses to talk to me when I run back to Him crying for forgiveness. He doesn't stand at a distance, reminding me of all the times that I've disappointed Him.

Instead, He's always ready to take me back. He forgives without even the guarantee that I won't do it again. Not that I want to do it again... That's not being truly repentant.

The Holy Spirit also assures me of His promises when I lie in bed at night and the devil comes at me with all kinds of accusations.

How freely He gives to us!

But how freely do I ever give to others?

Do I forgive people readily, or do I wait until they come crawling to me on their knees, begging for forgiveness? And do I only treat people well when they are nice to me? Do I ignore or put on pause those who ignore and put me on pause?

Heart-check, one, two.

Sometimes it hurts to hear the truth. When the Holy Spirit convicts your heart of something, it feels all sore from shame and guilt. But just as physical soreness after a good workout in the gym is an indication of good results later on, so does spiritual soreness indicate a future result of "getting better" spiritually.

Those who don't feel sore once in a while have simply stopped exercising their heart muscles. After a while their spirits atrophy, much like normal muscles do without regular exercise.

I am grateful for the Lord's discipline and rebuke in times when I need it. Though my heart feels sore, I know that He works through all things to bring me good!

The Burden Of Making & Keeping Friends

Friends come and go. We've all experienced this, and the world tells us that it's normal. But is it normal for a Christian? When Christ tells us to "love others as yourself", does that include the option of choosing who you want to love?

I think the answer is a clear NO.

From my recent posts, you may have gathered that I'm really struggling with some friendship issues.

The thing is, I've been getting hurt a lot lately by people whom I considered as good friends. Most of them are hurting me unintentionally, but it doesn't make the pain any less real, nor does it excuse their words and actions. However, I can't change them anymore than I can stop water from pouring over the Niagara Falls. The only person I can change in these situations is myself.

And I am so afraid of falling into the trap of avoiding and leaving them like I am prone to doing. I know that may not be what God wants me to do right now.

While I understand that in abusive relationships, staying and "riding it out" isn't usually the wise option, I just feel that shutting out other people isn't being a very good witness for Christ.

But oh it's so hard!

Every time I make the decision to love a person who has hurt me, I feel like I die a little bit inside. I literally feel my heart pulse with sadness as I choose to forget the things they have done or said. It pains me to realise that they may never understand the sacrifice I've given in my heart... Not for their sakes, but because of what Christ has done for me.

How can I not forgive when Jesus has so freely forgiven me- a disgusting worm?

Dear Lord Jesus, help me and sustain me in my time of need. Help me to focus on the love that you have spilled on the cross. Give me the strength to continue loving those who misunderstand me and hate me without reason. Forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me. Let no bitterness or hate take root in my heart, but fill my spirit with Your love, compassion and peace. I want to see others as You see them. In Jesus' Name I ask all these, Amen!

Living In Reverse

I just finished reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I especially loved the ending because it gave me a powerful reminder about living in reverse.

For example, when God tells us to love our enemies, how would that really look like in our lives? I mean, we as Christians talk about it all the time, but how exactly do we love our enemies?

Francis described our enemies as possibly people who annoy us, or people whom we try to avoid or people that we don't like talking to because they irritate us.

I used to think that I didn't have a lot of enemies. But the way Francis Chan describes "enemies", I realised that I actually do have a whole lotta them. People that I've just conveniently shoved out of my life because I didn't want to "deal with them".

Yet God commands us to LOVE them.

I honestly can't say when was the last time I did or said anything loving to these people without expecting anything in return. I certainly don't treat them the way I wish to be treated because I was busy "protecting" myself from the hurt I knew they would cause me. I try to justify the way I act by remembering all the times they've attacked me without cause. Wouldn't it make sense to NOT put yourself out there, only to get stepped on again? But that's definitely not acting in love. That's acting in fear.

Whew. Major heart check.

Jesus, give me the strength and courage to do exactly as You say! I'm sorry that I've slid back into my comfort zone and watered down Your Word. I am sorry for only caring about my needs and not the needs of others. Put Your love in my heart so that I may love those who hate me, who talk bad behind my back. Help me to translate that love into real actions so that I may treat them the way I know I want to be treated. Help me to remember that I am but dust of this earth- here today and gone tomorrow. Nobody owes me anything, but I owe You my life! Teach me to live my life washing the feet of others, humbled daily and taking up my cross. Take me out of my comfort zone and let Your Holy Spirit transform my life. In Jesus' Name I pray, let it be so, Amen!