Strength In My Weakness

Outside my safe and dry room is the gently falling rain. 

Somehow I can't stop listening to this song Скрой Меня, or Cover Me by Hillsong Kiev. The lyrics go: 

Let the storm rage and the thunder roar. 

Above the fray I will be with you (I think?), 

My Father, my King in all the earth.

I am not afraid, my God is with me.

It's not thundering outside. Neither is any kind of hurricane storm raging. But inside I am still fighting battles that seem impossible sometimes. And there are times when I actually doubt if I will ever be entirely delivered from these troubles. I mean, didn't Paul cry out for a thorn to be removed from his side and yet it wasn't? (See 2 Corinthians 12:7-10). 

But I think about the reason why his thorn was not removed- Paul said that it was to "keep [him] from being conceited." As a result, there's a side of Paul that was always kept weak, powerless and uncertain. And in that weakness, that powerlessness and uncertainty, God knows that Paul will run to Him for help. And only when Paul humbles himself before the Almighty God, will the Holy Spirit work His mighty arm for the salvation of His peoples. 

It's like the Old Testament tradition of circumcision. Why did God require it of His holy nation, Israel? Circumcision was a physical mean to curb the pride of man- just like a ring is sometimes put through a bull's nose to control the angry animal. In 1 Samuel 17:26, David asks, "Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?" Therefore, the uncircumcised man is not only proud, but he is also defiant to the will of God. 

"For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want." (Galatians 5:17)

If anything, God requires a "circumcised heart". A heart that is so humble and weak for its master than a slight tug is all that is required for His servant to move. In the same way, only a slight tug on a bull's ring nose is necessary to get the animal in motion. 

All that being said, I must give thanks to God, even for the thorns in my flesh- the daily battles that rage around me and never seem to go away. They remind me of how weak I actually am; what little power and wisdom I actually have. And only when I am leaning completely and utterly upon the Holy Spirit, can He work through me for His glory!

Amen! Hallelujah! His ways are indeed higher than my ways...

Freely Freely Give

It's so incredible to think about how much God loves us. No matter how much I screw up, He always ALWAYS takes me back. He never throws tantrums and refuses to talk to me when I run back to Him crying for forgiveness. He doesn't stand at a distance, reminding me of all the times that I've disappointed Him.

Instead, He's always ready to take me back. He forgives without even the guarantee that I won't do it again. Not that I want to do it again... That's not being truly repentant.

The Holy Spirit also assures me of His promises when I lie in bed at night and the devil comes at me with all kinds of accusations.

How freely He gives to us!

But how freely do I ever give to others?

Do I forgive people readily, or do I wait until they come crawling to me on their knees, begging for forgiveness? And do I only treat people well when they are nice to me? Do I ignore or put on pause those who ignore and put me on pause?

Heart-check, one, two.

Sometimes it hurts to hear the truth. When the Holy Spirit convicts your heart of something, it feels all sore from shame and guilt. But just as physical soreness after a good workout in the gym is an indication of good results later on, so does spiritual soreness indicate a future result of "getting better" spiritually.

Those who don't feel sore once in a while have simply stopped exercising their heart muscles. After a while their spirits atrophy, much like normal muscles do without regular exercise.

I am grateful for the Lord's discipline and rebuke in times when I need it. Though my heart feels sore, I know that He works through all things to bring me good!