Back To School

Last night on the way home, I saw the most interesting scene- a secondary school boy on a segway at the traffic junction, obviously on his way home. 

When I saw that, every fibre of my 23 year old being instantly felt old. 

Come on, when I was in secondary school, people either rode buses, got dropped off by their parents or walked to school. NOBODY rode segways! At least not at my school......

Speaking of school, the last time I had to mug for exams was well over a year ago. However, in the next few months, this will be my life again. I started on the first chapter last night and my studying speed was about 5 pages per hour, which means I spent 12 minutes on each page!!! 

Can you say slow as a tortoise?

I sincerely hope I will get faster at this, if not I'll really be done for.

That being said, I remember reading something along the lines of Romans 9:16 a few days ago. It says: "it does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy"

Because of this verse, I think that God gives us seemingly insurmountable challenges to remind us of how much we need His grace and mercy. It's only when we are driven to the corner, stripped of all natural abilities, talents and knowledge, do we acknowledge His sovereignty in every little decision in our lives. 

So.... Here's to stepping into the unknown once again. 

Busy With Work

Whew! I finally got some time to blog again! :D 

Right now I'm sitting in the hallway again because it's the only place (still) with an Internet connection in my house. 

Let's see... Work went quite well for the first half of the week, but now I am faced with some challenging problems to solve. For the first time in a long time, I haven't felt this kind of pressure building up. It kind of reminds me of the days when I was working on my thesis, or studying for finals.

I love it when God puts these reality checks on me. 

It's in moments like these when I realise that all wisdom, energy, etc. is actually given to us by God and He is ultimately the only one with a say in whether our efforts are going to succeed or not. 

Some people think that as long as you work super hard at something, you will surely achieve greatness. While hard work does bring a profit, success is not always guaranteed. Eventually, luck and chance happen to all. You may train all you want for a race, but there are just too many factors that you cannot control when it actually comes down to winning the race on your own efforts. You can't control how good your competitors are. You can't control your health, your mental state, the weather, etc... You can only ask for God's mercy and favour. 

:)

Nothing But Dust

Who am I? 

Who do I think I am, that God could bear to live in my heart? 

That this perfect, Almighty, unblemished God who is HOLY could live in this dark dirty temple of my heart? 

Who am I that God could ever think to forgive me? 

I have and am nothing. 

I read His Word and feel so unworthy. I feel as if I couldn't read anymore. I do not deserve the honour of hearing His Words or seeing His face. 

And yet, my heart longs for His presence. 

Dear God, You are HOLY. You sit upon the highest of highs. You judge the hearts of men and nations of the earth. Nothing is hidden from You. Everything is laid bare- including my heart. When You look at me, Your eyes pierce into the very inner parts of my soul. Your light casts my being in shadow and I cannot bear to lift my face. God, why would You ever choose me in all my sinfulness, inadequacies and disgusting habits? All my righteous acts and thoughts are too disgusting to mention. Why would You even bother? Why am I still alive and not thrown into the pits of hell- condemned to what I deserve? Oh God, I appeal to You in Your great love and mercy. Do not look upon me but upon the blood of Jesus Christ. Cover over my shame with the grace You have shown on the cross. Lift me up in my despair and reassure my spirit with Your voice. I long for Your presence with all my heart... Man does not live on bread alone but on every Word that comes from the mouth of God. I am so sorry Lord Jesus, for all the times I have ever grieved Your Holy Spirit. Do not leave me in my sorrow but deliver me... In Jesus' Name, I pray, Amen.

Who am I? 

I am nothing but dust. 

And I submit myself to the will of the compassionate Potter.