Just got back from a night of prayer with C.L.I.M.B., the young adults' bible study at church.
What's pretty cool to me is that before getting there, I didn't really feel like I had much to say to God. I mean, yeah, today was my last day of school and finals and I'm obviously grateful to God for pulling me through this last hurdle but besides that, I didn't really know what else I could talk to God about for 2 hours straight.
So I began by telling God that I didn't know what to pray for and just asked the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf.
The awesome thing is, God sent another person to pray with me and it made everything a lot easier. Dorie sat with me and asked me what was on my heart and what's been going on in my life recently, so I just started saying everything that came into my head. Afterwards, she prayed for every thing that I mentioned and it became a lot easier to pray afterwards.
This is just a small example of how God is "faithful even if we are faithless" to me. Even though I didn't know what to pray for at first, God led someone else to help me voice out praises and concerns. By the end of the night, words and thoughts came flowing out like water and before I knew it, 2.5 hours came and went.
When I got home, I finally turned on the computer to check my email (we fasted from electronics today). Someone I'd met a year ago while working at a catering gig in New York City had emailed me about a job opportunity and asked me when I would be returning to Singapore again. He said that his business is hiring and sounded interested in having me work for him. What was so surprising about this email was that I never imagined that he would still remember who I am, and still be interested in hiring me even a year later.
I honestly don't know if God wants me to be back in Singapore after this or to continue living in the U.S.. I'm am still completely clueless about my future, but the email today was pretty encouraging. It might not be the job that God wants me to have, it may even be a distraction from what God will really call me to do. I don't know.
All I know is that no matter where I end up or what I end up doing, my salvation is secure in Christ. Nothing can ever change the fact or change my mind about how I feel about Jesus Christ. He's promised to look after me, His sheep, and I've committed to following His voice alone.
If you are reading this, I hope you are encouraged too. God is ALWAYS faithful even when we are faithless. My life has always been an example of that. I can't wait for the day when I look back and just marvel at how much God has done for me even when I didn't totally believe things could be done.
Just like how I never really believed at the time that I could ever get over my ex and learn how to be happy as a single Christian, get a 4.0 semester GPA or get over my addictions to destructive behaviour- now there are other things that just seem so impossible to me.
But praise God, not only did He deliver me fully from those behaviours and bless me with a 4.0 GPA last semester (this was truly a miracle... phew!), He's also filled me with so much love, hope, joy and peace that I feel totally comfortable with myself. I don't obsess having a boyfriend anymore these days; and I haven't for a long time now. God has taught me that it's ok to be single right now, especially when I'm currently in no position to handle marriage. This means that I don't analyse every attractive single guy I meet as potential boyfriend/date/husband material. For the first time in my life, I finally feel free from the chains and bonds of loneliness so that I am able to enjoy my singlehood and hang out with guys without other intentions than being friends. There's just so much more satisfaction and contentment that I've gotten from my relationship with Christ that I don't feel the need to be in a boy-girl relationship for life to be complete.
When the time is right and I've matured spiritually and emotionally enough to handle the rigorous demands of marriage, then yes, of course I'll be open to it. But you won't catch me giving pieces of my heart or self away before the commitment of marriage is made. I believe in keeping the promises and vows made in marriage because it is what God commands us Christians to do. Not to imprison us or make us miserable, but to protect and preserve an environment of complete trust and true love.
I believe in that and want to grow into somebody who's deserving of a godly man who is constantly pursuing God's will over his own. Until God decides to bless me with the amazing gift of a Christian marriage, I'm doing just fine in my own little world.
It irks me sometimes when my friends try to make fun of my past relationship with my ex as if that still has a hold on me. Don't they get it? Or sometimes people think that what I mean by "enjoying my singlehood" is that I've become jaded to the world of dating and I'm just rebelling in my own way by hating all men.
Um, no... I just don't think that I'm ready for marriage and I don't believe in dating without a clear intention of getting married. Why waste each other's time and jeopardise my relationship with Christ? I don't want to put myself in a dangerous situation where I'm asking myself things like "how long should I wait for him" or "how far can we go".
In the words of the Newsboys song Stay Strong: "here's where the ground gets loose, here's when the devil calls your bluff'". I'm not going to fall into the same trap twice! I've come out of it and never want to return to my vomit again. I'm only going to look forward and leave my past behind.
Same thing with my old behaviours like going to clubs or cursing or arguing without cause... I mean the list goes on and on and on. There was once a time when God convicted me of those sins but I was so steeped in them that I just couldn't see how I could ever stop. I loved being in a club and listening to those pumping beats so much that I couldn't fathom never and I mean NEVER indulging in that again. But I knew I had to stop... so with a lot of prayer and a simple decision to follow Christ, He freed me from desiring or enjoying the very things He hates.
Interestingly, it was only after I came out of it that I truly understood how blind I was at first. I didn't really think about how cursing was detrimental to me (other than it's not ladylike) until Christ made me stop doing it and actually start disliking it. It was only after that then I realised that sin, no matter how small or subtle it is, has far-reaching effects on our minds, souls and body. Though words are simply sounds and airwaves, they often turn into thoughts, which turn into actions, habits, characters and later destinies. I just didn't know how far my vulgar speaking had gone that my thoughts were also vulgar and had reaped for me a mean and angry character. I thank God that He opened my eyes before I got a taste of what a vulgar destiny in hell was like!
Anyways!
This was supposed to be a short three paragraph post but it's turned out to be a lot longer than I expected.
I'll continue next time. Bye!
What's pretty cool to me is that before getting there, I didn't really feel like I had much to say to God. I mean, yeah, today was my last day of school and finals and I'm obviously grateful to God for pulling me through this last hurdle but besides that, I didn't really know what else I could talk to God about for 2 hours straight.
So I began by telling God that I didn't know what to pray for and just asked the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf.
The awesome thing is, God sent another person to pray with me and it made everything a lot easier. Dorie sat with me and asked me what was on my heart and what's been going on in my life recently, so I just started saying everything that came into my head. Afterwards, she prayed for every thing that I mentioned and it became a lot easier to pray afterwards.
This is just a small example of how God is "faithful even if we are faithless" to me. Even though I didn't know what to pray for at first, God led someone else to help me voice out praises and concerns. By the end of the night, words and thoughts came flowing out like water and before I knew it, 2.5 hours came and went.
When I got home, I finally turned on the computer to check my email (we fasted from electronics today). Someone I'd met a year ago while working at a catering gig in New York City had emailed me about a job opportunity and asked me when I would be returning to Singapore again. He said that his business is hiring and sounded interested in having me work for him. What was so surprising about this email was that I never imagined that he would still remember who I am, and still be interested in hiring me even a year later.
I honestly don't know if God wants me to be back in Singapore after this or to continue living in the U.S.. I'm am still completely clueless about my future, but the email today was pretty encouraging. It might not be the job that God wants me to have, it may even be a distraction from what God will really call me to do. I don't know.
All I know is that no matter where I end up or what I end up doing, my salvation is secure in Christ. Nothing can ever change the fact or change my mind about how I feel about Jesus Christ. He's promised to look after me, His sheep, and I've committed to following His voice alone.
If you are reading this, I hope you are encouraged too. God is ALWAYS faithful even when we are faithless. My life has always been an example of that. I can't wait for the day when I look back and just marvel at how much God has done for me even when I didn't totally believe things could be done.
Just like how I never really believed at the time that I could ever get over my ex and learn how to be happy as a single Christian, get a 4.0 semester GPA or get over my addictions to destructive behaviour- now there are other things that just seem so impossible to me.
But praise God, not only did He deliver me fully from those behaviours and bless me with a 4.0 GPA last semester (this was truly a miracle... phew!), He's also filled me with so much love, hope, joy and peace that I feel totally comfortable with myself. I don't obsess having a boyfriend anymore these days; and I haven't for a long time now. God has taught me that it's ok to be single right now, especially when I'm currently in no position to handle marriage. This means that I don't analyse every attractive single guy I meet as potential boyfriend/date/husband material. For the first time in my life, I finally feel free from the chains and bonds of loneliness so that I am able to enjoy my singlehood and hang out with guys without other intentions than being friends. There's just so much more satisfaction and contentment that I've gotten from my relationship with Christ that I don't feel the need to be in a boy-girl relationship for life to be complete.
When the time is right and I've matured spiritually and emotionally enough to handle the rigorous demands of marriage, then yes, of course I'll be open to it. But you won't catch me giving pieces of my heart or self away before the commitment of marriage is made. I believe in keeping the promises and vows made in marriage because it is what God commands us Christians to do. Not to imprison us or make us miserable, but to protect and preserve an environment of complete trust and true love.
I believe in that and want to grow into somebody who's deserving of a godly man who is constantly pursuing God's will over his own. Until God decides to bless me with the amazing gift of a Christian marriage, I'm doing just fine in my own little world.
It irks me sometimes when my friends try to make fun of my past relationship with my ex as if that still has a hold on me. Don't they get it? Or sometimes people think that what I mean by "enjoying my singlehood" is that I've become jaded to the world of dating and I'm just rebelling in my own way by hating all men.
Um, no... I just don't think that I'm ready for marriage and I don't believe in dating without a clear intention of getting married. Why waste each other's time and jeopardise my relationship with Christ? I don't want to put myself in a dangerous situation where I'm asking myself things like "how long should I wait for him" or "how far can we go".
In the words of the Newsboys song Stay Strong: "here's where the ground gets loose, here's when the devil calls your bluff'". I'm not going to fall into the same trap twice! I've come out of it and never want to return to my vomit again. I'm only going to look forward and leave my past behind.
Same thing with my old behaviours like going to clubs or cursing or arguing without cause... I mean the list goes on and on and on. There was once a time when God convicted me of those sins but I was so steeped in them that I just couldn't see how I could ever stop. I loved being in a club and listening to those pumping beats so much that I couldn't fathom never and I mean NEVER indulging in that again. But I knew I had to stop... so with a lot of prayer and a simple decision to follow Christ, He freed me from desiring or enjoying the very things He hates.
Interestingly, it was only after I came out of it that I truly understood how blind I was at first. I didn't really think about how cursing was detrimental to me (other than it's not ladylike) until Christ made me stop doing it and actually start disliking it. It was only after that then I realised that sin, no matter how small or subtle it is, has far-reaching effects on our minds, souls and body. Though words are simply sounds and airwaves, they often turn into thoughts, which turn into actions, habits, characters and later destinies. I just didn't know how far my vulgar speaking had gone that my thoughts were also vulgar and had reaped for me a mean and angry character. I thank God that He opened my eyes before I got a taste of what a vulgar destiny in hell was like!
Anyways!
This was supposed to be a short three paragraph post but it's turned out to be a lot longer than I expected.
I'll continue next time. Bye!
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