A Lull

Today's weather was simply beautiful. Blue skies, cool breeze, hot sun... and I spent it all by waking up six hours late and sitting in my couch reading God knows what on the Internet all day.

Is this an indication of what the rest of my summer is going to be like? I really don't want it to be like that. But then again, actions speak louder than words- and my actions are telling a very different story from what I had envisioned.

What do I envision?

An extremely productive summer that's what.

I want my room to be constantly spotless (it is currently spotty), my things either thrown out or organised, some translating work for the church completed, to finish my Russian textbook, and to train for a 5km run among other things like deciding what to do and where to live for the rest of my life.

Coincidentally, these were somewhat like my goals last summer. I completed maybe like.... none of them.

Before I make myself sound like a complete loser, oh wait...

Yeah, I give up. I've got nothing to offer this world really. Smarts, discipline, talent? Blah blah blah. This is the reason why I didn't graduate from Harvard I guess.

I've got nothing to give, but I've received everything instead.

Today my little brother had to receive a shot for his allergies and my mom called me into the room to watch her administer it. There was a dull pause as we all sat around and watched him lower his little head in glum expectancy. My mom had him in her arms and with one hand, she gave him the shot in his right thigh. In that instant, he screamed and cried so hard that I thought my heart would break. I couldn't imagine how my mom was feeling at the moment but even my other little brother got uncomfortable and rolled himself up in a cushion to avoid looking. I tried to smile and say "oh you're so brave!" but he wouldn't let up that piercing scream. In time, even I had to look away because it was too much for me to handle.

In that moment I just felt so helpless. I knew all of us in that room wanted desperately to do something to help him ease the pain, but we couldn't. All we could do was to sit there and listen to his heart-wrenching pain echo off the walls. That minute felt like an eternity.

It made me think about all the children that were screaming and crying in the world at that moment. How many of them had mothers to hold them at the very moment? To rock them and to whisper "it's okay, I'm sorry..."

How many were suffering because of an illness? Because of abuse, because of war, because of something evil in their lives?

And God, our dear Heavenly Father looking from above- His heart must be breaking and bleeding to an extent I cannot fathom as He listens to all this pain simultaneously.

We are such lucky people.

I am so lucky.

Money can only buy so much, but true health, joy, peace, hope, these things really are priceless. Not even Mastercard could get us a bit of them. Only God, our Healer, Comforter, Saviour and Heavenly Father could ever give these things to us through the Holy Spirit. And when He does give them to us, he does it so abundantly that we are filled to the overflowing.

What a joy to know Jesus Christ. It is my only treasure in this world and the only thing that I can boast about- that is knowing Him.

Because clearly, without Him, I'm a loser.