Lately I've been feeling disapproval coming from everyone. Whether those people really are disapproving of me or not, I just felt that I wasn't "good enough". Even for the people who should care the most about me- I just felt like I was invisible.
I'm turning 23 tomorrow and with each year that I grow older, I feel like I'm getting further and further away from everyone.
Worst of all, I felt like I couldn't talk to God directly for the past two days or so.
But God works in mysterious ways...
Today in church and in various other places, He reminded me yet again of one absolute truth: that is, He is the ONLY one in the entire universe who could ever know what is going on in my heart. Not only that, but He is the only one who could truly have the genuine energy and initiative to care.
You know how people don't like to hang out with friends who talk too much? I'm usually that friend who talks too much.
Yet no matter how much I talk, I always get the sense that no one really hears what I'm saying, or they always miss the main point. Truthfully, that frustrates me more often than I'd like to admit. Misunderstood... mistaken... misinterpreted...
At the end of the day, my heart just feels so bogged down and tired from trying to prove myself to everyone around me. What's the point? Since nobody could ever really understand...
That's when Jesus comes and reminds me that He's the only one worth talking to. Even without words, He already knows. With Him, I don't have to pretend or put a mask on. I can be completely honest with Him. "Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD." (Psalm 139:4)
So the question begs- why don't I spend more time with the closest friend/relative that I could ever have?
I don't know. But when I do, all the troubles in the world just seem to melt away...
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