Eating Food

Ran out of cash for lunch today and had to wing it with a sandwich from 7eleven. Tasted like I was eating cardboard paper really. Should've gone with instant noodles instead!

Gosh, in Singapore, we are so spoiled for choice when it comes to food. I could literally think about having Greek, Brazilian or Korean cuisine for dinner tonight and be able to fulfil that thought without fuss. Sometimes though, I would like to go for days just eating plain porridge or flavourless noodles. Guess sometimes you just tire of all the variety. 

In a way, the past few months have felt like that to me, spiritually-speaking. I've been out and about, running, working, doing... never really pausing. 

I'm not sure when I felt started feeling tired. My brain just doesn't seem to recognise that word, until my body does. After falling sick last weekend and being forced to LIE STILL, I realised what a whirlwind I've made my life to be. 

I guess my greatest challenge this year is for me to actually be still. 

Let's just say that I am not naturally inclined, to recline. 

I'm the kind of person who shakes my leg when I'm talking to someone. My idea of a relaxing day comprises of going to the beach somewhere and jumping in and out of the water for a few hours. Most people just want to lie in bed. In theory, I will say that I want to lie in bed too, but I know that in real life, that won't last for long. My legs will start itching within half an hour and then I'll be grabbing my skates or running off somewhere. 

I just don't know how to stop!

Unfortunately, my body and spirit runs just like a car. After my body ran out of fuel last week, I started to feel my soul run out of fuel too. I haven't felt this way in a really long time- somewhat depressed, empty, strange, just... off. The last time I felt this way was right before I started attending church again. 

As I crawled into bed last night, I felt God whisper to me that the origin of this "off" feeling lies in my not being still and spending more time with him.

See, as we grow and mature as Christians, our dependence on Christ grows as well. Before, I used to be able to live off small morsels of God's Word daily, but now, I realised that I need more. Kinda like how a teenager eats more food than a baby. So essentially, the amount of spiritual food that I used to eat is no longer sufficient for me. And to top it off, I've not been eating quite as much as I used to. 

I'll be trying to spend more time with God now, because I know I can't live my life without His voice speaking into it. If I ever walk far from His side, there is nothing for me out there but darkness. I've been in that darkness and I know I never want to return to that sad place again.