And Then I Let Go

So I finally let go of the thing/person that I've been holding on to stubbornly this whole time. It hurts a whole lot, but God gave me the grace and the strength to go through with it. I can honestly say that even through the pain, it feels good to do what God wants me to do. This was the first time I have been able to be "selfless" in a "romantic" sort of relationship. 

I don't know what the future holds, but God gave me many reassurances this afternoon. 

First, a verse from Haggai 2:19: 

"...From this day on I will bless you."

This verse struck me as I was reading the Bible before going to see him. I wrote it down in my book immediately and wrote today's date down. 

Secondly, as I was sitting dejectedly at the bus stop after our talk, a truck pulled up in front of me with two big words written on the side: 

"DELIVERING PROMISES"

That instantly reminded me of Dorie's vision which I'd almost forgotten about two years ago.

Lastly, Annie told me of a vision (that she's not entirely sure of) that she just received. She said she saw me "together with somebody that [she knows]". If this vision becomes reality, it will also be a confirmation to her that she does indeed have the gift of seeing visions.

Why am I writing all this down?

Because I know I will forget someday. I will live life like a rollercoaster and come to a scary drop someday, not believing that God is there to break my fall. This post is my Ebenezer stone, or rather, a reminder of God's faithfulness throughout my life.

I praise God today for all He has helped me to do! I did not know that I would even have the strength to stand, but I stood. I was not tested beyond what I could bear, even though it felt like it. He is faithful to do what He says He will! Amen!


Surely,

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)

Once Fallen

HELLO.

I am back from camp this weekend with my Christian brothers and sisters and all of a sudden, it just seems so quiet...

We spent a whole weekend camping, fishing and hiking out by Lake Roy and on top of that, we got to learn more about spiritual warfare from Jay's sermons. It was pretty cool to sit outdoors and have church service by the waterfall instead of in a building. Definitely an experience I will remember for a long time!

Jay said that we should look out for the devil's snares after we leave camp... or something along those lines, I don't quite recall his exact words. That we should pray about it and ask God to go before us instead of just falling into a trap and then asking God to rescue us.

There I was, sitting by the fire, thinking to myself: "oh yeah I got it all handled". Then today rolls along and I fell into a trap BIG TIME.

Not only that, but it was a situation that I thought I had overcome for sure.

Today proved otherwise.

I am so mad and angry at myself for having fallen again. Am I retarded? Do I not know any better? Have I not been rescued and redeemed out of this shady hole by the one true Saviour already?

I just feel so disgusted and stupid and idiotic for having fallen for the devil's trap once more. I am just sick and tired of this. Can I just be done with this once and for all?

Dear Lord, here I am sitting in this dark hole, asking You to reach out and take hold of me again. I cannot do this alone. I cannot endeavour to be a better person without Your power. Without You there is no power in my words and actions. Wash my hands again and purify my heart! Take away this guilt and shame and put in me a renewed spirit of victory. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.