You know those bad days that they like to show in movies? Where the leading actor/actress gets up on the wrong side of bed, spills stuff all over their clothes on the way to an interview which they mess up and then later get dumped by their lover of ten years?
Ok well, none of that happened to me today.... But it definitely felt like one of those days where everything just seemed to be going wrong.
It started with me getting a court summons in the mail, asking me to appear in court to pay 74USD for failing to pay my ticket which was due on 8th November. Honestly, if I knew that the ticket was due then, it would have been paid a long time ago; but the ticket was badly written in pencil and you can barely read anything on it so I thought the due date was 13th not 8th November. I paid my ticket on the 10th... And I only paid it this late because when I tried to pay it back in October, it wasn't entered in the system yet. So technically, I couldn't even pay the ticket until probably beginning of November- and even when I called in to pay, the phone lines were so jammed that it would take me 1.5 hours of being on hold without being able to talk to any official! I was trying to call firstly to find out how much the ticket cost because like I said, everything on the ticket was barely readable. I didn't find that out until 7th Nov and even then the official didn't even bother to tell me that the due date was the next day!!!
Sigh.... I can plead "not guilty" to the charge if I want to, and avoid paying the extra 74USD on top of the 74USD I already paid for the ticket itself... But is it really worth the time and effort? What if the judge gets pissed and I have to pay extra on top of that?
This ticket really came at a bad time because I had just spent almost all my money the night before. Unavoidable circumstances...
Ok so the ticket's one thing- then my car had to be fixed at the mechanic's today and thank God my mom said she'd pay for it. But the bill ended up being 271USD instead of 176USD!!! You can imagine my parents' expressions when they heard the amount due. I felt really bad and helpless... Like it's my fault- I'm already sucking up so much of their savings for school and now my car too. As a result, I didn't dare to ask them about a studying abroad program that I was looking at.
Ok so half my morning goes by and I'm sitting home doing homework until afternoon. Then I decided to go for my usual 70min run on the Green Ribbon Trail nearby.
I barely ran for 5 minutes when my right foot slipped off a tree root hidden underneath a bed of leaves and twisted underneath my weight.
I hobbled back to my car, being able to walk but feeling pain when I tried to jog even slowly. Then I just sat in my car and cried like an idiot. I was so upset you have no idea. And so many thoughts were going through my head like, is this punishment for something? Is God punishing me? Or is it because God wants me to rest from running, or is God trying to teach me something? Like WHAT IS IT? WHY DO I HAVE TO SPRAIN MY ANKLE NOW?
I was so frustrated. I've only been training consecutively for 12 weeks now and finally feel like I'm back in shape and getting into the groove... when this has to happen. It was like my world was crashing down around me. I know it sounds rather dramatic, like how bad could it be- it's just a twisted ankle right? But to me, a twisted ankle means probably missing out on 3-4 weeks of quality training, which means that by the time I start training properly again, I'll be back at square one. It's like the past 12 weeks that I trained so hard didn't matter at all. It's all going down the drain.
I think I cried not because it hurt or I was frustrated, but I was mourning the loss of those 12 weeks of hard work that I had put in.
I talked to Khadeen afterwards, sobbing in the car and she told me that I had to stop being so negative about my injury. Coming from a person that had to miss her entire first year of track due to surgery, I kinda had to listen to that.
And I know she's right. I'm so afraid that this is going to be a repeat of 2008 where my injuries basically ruined me for the rest of the year- but this year doesn't have to be that way. I learnt a lot from that year, about what to do and what not to do while being injured and I could definitely apply it to this incident.
Besides, it's not a very serious sprain. It's a moderate sprain and it'll probably take about a month to fully recover. All I have to do is be patient and let it heal instead of trying to be a smartass and working out before it's healed, or getting depressed and pigging out.
I was so upset by the time dinner swung around that I barely ate anything.
Two hours later I was bingeing on pineapples, ba gua and cheesepuffs.
Now I feel like a bloated cow- depressed also because I didn't get my endorphin high for the day.
You know even as I type this all out, I can't help but feel that this is all very stupid. I mean, they're such silly little problems compared to the ones other people have. There are people out there who will never recover from their leg injuries, who don't have the kind of financial support I have and who just don't have God in their lives.
But I have the gift of life! And I have the Holy Spirit in me.
I know at times like these all I can really do is to turn to God and put my trust in Him, give up all my problems to Him. I can't get my ankle to heal nor can I magically turn my financial situation around. Yet I have faith that He sees all these things and knows all the troubles that I have. I know good days don't last forever and there is One who sticks closer than a friend in times of trouble.
Lord I ask that during this time You will lift me up in Your hands and carry me through. You're able to do all things wonderful in my life. Let all these situations be a way for You to be glorified through me. Let all praise and worship be given unto You because You alone have the power to save. You are the Author and Finisher of my faith! I give up all these burdens to you and take on Yours because your yoke is easy to bear. Praise God for the eternal hope I have in You!
:)
When the road ahead is suddenly darkened, that's when God's light can shine more brightly. I just need more faith to step in His direction because I can't see what's before me...
Ok well, none of that happened to me today.... But it definitely felt like one of those days where everything just seemed to be going wrong.
It started with me getting a court summons in the mail, asking me to appear in court to pay 74USD for failing to pay my ticket which was due on 8th November. Honestly, if I knew that the ticket was due then, it would have been paid a long time ago; but the ticket was badly written in pencil and you can barely read anything on it so I thought the due date was 13th not 8th November. I paid my ticket on the 10th... And I only paid it this late because when I tried to pay it back in October, it wasn't entered in the system yet. So technically, I couldn't even pay the ticket until probably beginning of November- and even when I called in to pay, the phone lines were so jammed that it would take me 1.5 hours of being on hold without being able to talk to any official! I was trying to call firstly to find out how much the ticket cost because like I said, everything on the ticket was barely readable. I didn't find that out until 7th Nov and even then the official didn't even bother to tell me that the due date was the next day!!!
Sigh.... I can plead "not guilty" to the charge if I want to, and avoid paying the extra 74USD on top of the 74USD I already paid for the ticket itself... But is it really worth the time and effort? What if the judge gets pissed and I have to pay extra on top of that?
This ticket really came at a bad time because I had just spent almost all my money the night before. Unavoidable circumstances...
Ok so the ticket's one thing- then my car had to be fixed at the mechanic's today and thank God my mom said she'd pay for it. But the bill ended up being 271USD instead of 176USD!!! You can imagine my parents' expressions when they heard the amount due. I felt really bad and helpless... Like it's my fault- I'm already sucking up so much of their savings for school and now my car too. As a result, I didn't dare to ask them about a studying abroad program that I was looking at.
Ok so half my morning goes by and I'm sitting home doing homework until afternoon. Then I decided to go for my usual 70min run on the Green Ribbon Trail nearby.
I barely ran for 5 minutes when my right foot slipped off a tree root hidden underneath a bed of leaves and twisted underneath my weight.
I hobbled back to my car, being able to walk but feeling pain when I tried to jog even slowly. Then I just sat in my car and cried like an idiot. I was so upset you have no idea. And so many thoughts were going through my head like, is this punishment for something? Is God punishing me? Or is it because God wants me to rest from running, or is God trying to teach me something? Like WHAT IS IT? WHY DO I HAVE TO SPRAIN MY ANKLE NOW?
I was so frustrated. I've only been training consecutively for 12 weeks now and finally feel like I'm back in shape and getting into the groove... when this has to happen. It was like my world was crashing down around me. I know it sounds rather dramatic, like how bad could it be- it's just a twisted ankle right? But to me, a twisted ankle means probably missing out on 3-4 weeks of quality training, which means that by the time I start training properly again, I'll be back at square one. It's like the past 12 weeks that I trained so hard didn't matter at all. It's all going down the drain.
I think I cried not because it hurt or I was frustrated, but I was mourning the loss of those 12 weeks of hard work that I had put in.
I talked to Khadeen afterwards, sobbing in the car and she told me that I had to stop being so negative about my injury. Coming from a person that had to miss her entire first year of track due to surgery, I kinda had to listen to that.
And I know she's right. I'm so afraid that this is going to be a repeat of 2008 where my injuries basically ruined me for the rest of the year- but this year doesn't have to be that way. I learnt a lot from that year, about what to do and what not to do while being injured and I could definitely apply it to this incident.
Besides, it's not a very serious sprain. It's a moderate sprain and it'll probably take about a month to fully recover. All I have to do is be patient and let it heal instead of trying to be a smartass and working out before it's healed, or getting depressed and pigging out.
I was so upset by the time dinner swung around that I barely ate anything.
Two hours later I was bingeing on pineapples, ba gua and cheesepuffs.
Now I feel like a bloated cow- depressed also because I didn't get my endorphin high for the day.
You know even as I type this all out, I can't help but feel that this is all very stupid. I mean, they're such silly little problems compared to the ones other people have. There are people out there who will never recover from their leg injuries, who don't have the kind of financial support I have and who just don't have God in their lives.
But I have the gift of life! And I have the Holy Spirit in me.
I know at times like these all I can really do is to turn to God and put my trust in Him, give up all my problems to Him. I can't get my ankle to heal nor can I magically turn my financial situation around. Yet I have faith that He sees all these things and knows all the troubles that I have. I know good days don't last forever and there is One who sticks closer than a friend in times of trouble.
Lord I ask that during this time You will lift me up in Your hands and carry me through. You're able to do all things wonderful in my life. Let all these situations be a way for You to be glorified through me. Let all praise and worship be given unto You because You alone have the power to save. You are the Author and Finisher of my faith! I give up all these burdens to you and take on Yours because your yoke is easy to bear. Praise God for the eternal hope I have in You!
:)
When the road ahead is suddenly darkened, that's when God's light can shine more brightly. I just need more faith to step in His direction because I can't see what's before me...
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