If it's not the TV, Alex and Max are obsessed with their Nintendo DS.
Swimming at the Y with Ashley and Tanya this evening.
Today is Ashley's first full day with us in Pennsylvania. She flew over from Purdue University in Indiana to spend part of winter break here. Ashley and I were in TK together a long time ago and we both share a love (her more so than me now) for basketball.
It's been a long day.
We went shopping at the local mall and I ended up stocking up on some summer clothes and shower stuff because they were on incredible sale. As we were about to leave the shopping centre, Ashley mentioned that she felt satisfied from the buys. I answered that I was kind of upset because I didn't really intend to spend money at all but I did.
Doesn't that happen a lot to you girls out there? You go to the mall with your friend, not planning to spend a single cent because you're trying to save money... And before you know it, you're carrying one, two, three bags of new purchases.
As I sat in the car, I felt almost angry at myself for having spent money like this. In the past few days, my wallet emptied considerably because of various miscellaneous costs. All necessary costs at the time of course. But shopping? Shopping is usually an unnecessary cost!
I thought about how some people have to figure out a way to feed their family of five with just ten dollars. Some don't have ten dollars and have to eat out of garbage cans... and here I am, buying three pieces of clothing at five dollars each that I probably don't really need. Many poor children only own one or two sets of clothing in all; yet here I am with a closet full of clothes, buying more to make the space even more crammed.
Sigh.
Yeah, compared to many girls my age I have very little clothing, but it's not about comparing myself to them. I just wished that I exercised more self-control. That's all.
I feel kind of further from God tonight... Not just about the shopping incident but because of other things.
Ashley went on my Internet browser today and saw that I still read certain blogs. She was quite surprised because she reads them too but didn't know that I did. Let's just say that they are famous Singaporean blogs.
The thing is, when she asked me about it, I realised that it's kind of strange why I still do read them. I've stopped listening to most secular music or watching secular movies because they just disgust me now, but I haven't stopped reading secular blogs... Is it because they still thrill me?
I'm not implying that I should stop doing all these things because it will make me Christian. Rather, I am a new creation in Christ. As a new creation, how is it that my desires are not changing to move away from the world and more toward Christ in this respect? Why am I still entertained by such ungodly content?
Dear Lord you know tonight where I stand. Help me to seek Your face and to stand firm in Your Word.
...
I just felt really alone in spirit these few days. Even though I've been around other people constantly, it still feels lonely because nobody seems to understand the spiritual struggles I'm going through. Either they're not spiritually mature enough to understand yet, or they're just non-Christian, or they're not currently going through the same struggles.
But Jesus has remained constant throughout my days. It is when I'm praying and reading the Bible at night when I feel the closest to Him. I feel whole and complete, calmed by the One who heals and comforts lost souls. I just need to continue seeking His face. Nothing ever feels right if I slack off and stop pursuing His presence.
每一日我主，我恳求三件事---
更深刻认识你，
更虔诚敬爱祢，
更紧紧地跟随你，
每一日。
It's been a long day.
We went shopping at the local mall and I ended up stocking up on some summer clothes and shower stuff because they were on incredible sale. As we were about to leave the shopping centre, Ashley mentioned that she felt satisfied from the buys. I answered that I was kind of upset because I didn't really intend to spend money at all but I did.
Doesn't that happen a lot to you girls out there? You go to the mall with your friend, not planning to spend a single cent because you're trying to save money... And before you know it, you're carrying one, two, three bags of new purchases.
As I sat in the car, I felt almost angry at myself for having spent money like this. In the past few days, my wallet emptied considerably because of various miscellaneous costs. All necessary costs at the time of course. But shopping? Shopping is usually an unnecessary cost!
I thought about how some people have to figure out a way to feed their family of five with just ten dollars. Some don't have ten dollars and have to eat out of garbage cans... and here I am, buying three pieces of clothing at five dollars each that I probably don't really need. Many poor children only own one or two sets of clothing in all; yet here I am with a closet full of clothes, buying more to make the space even more crammed.
Sigh.
Yeah, compared to many girls my age I have very little clothing, but it's not about comparing myself to them. I just wished that I exercised more self-control. That's all.
I feel kind of further from God tonight... Not just about the shopping incident but because of other things.
Ashley went on my Internet browser today and saw that I still read certain blogs. She was quite surprised because she reads them too but didn't know that I did. Let's just say that they are famous Singaporean blogs.
The thing is, when she asked me about it, I realised that it's kind of strange why I still do read them. I've stopped listening to most secular music or watching secular movies because they just disgust me now, but I haven't stopped reading secular blogs... Is it because they still thrill me?
I'm not implying that I should stop doing all these things because it will make me Christian. Rather, I am a new creation in Christ. As a new creation, how is it that my desires are not changing to move away from the world and more toward Christ in this respect? Why am I still entertained by such ungodly content?
Dear Lord you know tonight where I stand. Help me to seek Your face and to stand firm in Your Word.
...
I just felt really alone in spirit these few days. Even though I've been around other people constantly, it still feels lonely because nobody seems to understand the spiritual struggles I'm going through. Either they're not spiritually mature enough to understand yet, or they're just non-Christian, or they're not currently going through the same struggles.
But Jesus has remained constant throughout my days. It is when I'm praying and reading the Bible at night when I feel the closest to Him. I feel whole and complete, calmed by the One who heals and comforts lost souls. I just need to continue seeking His face. Nothing ever feels right if I slack off and stop pursuing His presence.
每一日我主，我恳求三件事---
更深刻认识你，
更虔诚敬爱祢，
更紧紧地跟随你，
每一日。
2 comments:
same! :) i also felt super lonely last few days, and was once again asking God if He would give be a Christian friend whom will "stick closer than a brother"
but i have realized that God is really the One who satisfies us and He's the only One who will be there for us when we are lonely. Even the best of all friends cannot really help us even if they want to.
think in some ways i have become like the israelites asking for a king. sure, i know that God is still our ultimate king (friend), but i'm still seeking for a human one... what do you think? i haven't really make up my mind on this issue..
anyway, prayer and the Bible (plus God's Spirit) really draws us closer to Him :) Thank God for His faithfulness
Yeah I realised that no matter what, we should always be plugged into the only source of life, and that is Jesus Christ.
I liked how you put it, "Israelites looking for a king"... You're right. That's all we need. And it's not like God hasn't provided godly friends when I asked for them. But ultimately, they will still fall short of His glory.
I guess if I'm thirsting, I shouldn't be trying to fill that thirst with anything else but God. Each time I go to God in sincere prayer, He satiates my hunger. Then there is real contentment and peace from God.
I just need to communicate with Him more and dedicate more QT to Him :)
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