Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they do.
I find myself dreading next week because I don't want to have to see the people who are making me upset and making everything seem as if it were my fault. And it's so much worse because God tells us to do good to those who hate us.
Talk about an impossible mission...
It's one thing if people are upfront about disliking you, but it's another when they put a smile on their faces but their hearts are full of venom. You never know when they're going to lash out but getting bitten is inevitable when you're surrounded by snakes.
But again, God says to be at peace with everybody, if that is possible.
If this were three or four years ago, you know I would be having a tirade about how much these people stink right now. But things have changed since then. I try to hold my tongue and pray for those who get under my skin. But it's not much easier now than it would be back then. To be honest, this is ten thousand times harder.
Even small incidents can set me trembling now because I am struggling so hard inside to not lash out in any way possible. But most of all, I am struggling to give my angry heart over to God. And why am I angry? Because of my self-righteousness! Again!
Maybe it's because today is like a Good Friday to me that this week has been so dark spiritually. I don't know and I won't jump to conclusions. But tonight I just feel really under the weather after all that's happened.
I feel unfairly treated, stepped on and tired. I ran a really lousy time trial today and I'm going to be stuck at school during the entire spring break writing my thesis while everyone else is holidaying somewhere warm.
And I just can't seem to shake this depressing feeling that's come all of a sudden.
"Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
I know what I have to do but... I just feel like the disciples in the ship right now. The storm is starting to really rage and I'm afraid of falling over the boat. But why do I care when Jesus Christ Himself is on the boat with me? The Creator of all things is able to calm the storm at a word, but I have still so little faith. I see no good end in sight and I'm afraid.
Dear Lord, it's hard right now and I know You see all the things that I've been going through. Give me grace and increase my faith because I know that You have already gone ahead of me and that you are bringing me to greater heights through these trials... Be my Comforter and Strength in time of need. In all things may I continue in Your will. May Your Word be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path... In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
I find myself dreading next week because I don't want to have to see the people who are making me upset and making everything seem as if it were my fault. And it's so much worse because God tells us to do good to those who hate us.
Talk about an impossible mission...
It's one thing if people are upfront about disliking you, but it's another when they put a smile on their faces but their hearts are full of venom. You never know when they're going to lash out but getting bitten is inevitable when you're surrounded by snakes.
But again, God says to be at peace with everybody, if that is possible.
If this were three or four years ago, you know I would be having a tirade about how much these people stink right now. But things have changed since then. I try to hold my tongue and pray for those who get under my skin. But it's not much easier now than it would be back then. To be honest, this is ten thousand times harder.
Even small incidents can set me trembling now because I am struggling so hard inside to not lash out in any way possible. But most of all, I am struggling to give my angry heart over to God. And why am I angry? Because of my self-righteousness! Again!
Maybe it's because today is like a Good Friday to me that this week has been so dark spiritually. I don't know and I won't jump to conclusions. But tonight I just feel really under the weather after all that's happened.
I feel unfairly treated, stepped on and tired. I ran a really lousy time trial today and I'm going to be stuck at school during the entire spring break writing my thesis while everyone else is holidaying somewhere warm.
And I just can't seem to shake this depressing feeling that's come all of a sudden.
"Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."
"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”"
(Mark 4:35-40)I know what I have to do but... I just feel like the disciples in the ship right now. The storm is starting to really rage and I'm afraid of falling over the boat. But why do I care when Jesus Christ Himself is on the boat with me? The Creator of all things is able to calm the storm at a word, but I have still so little faith. I see no good end in sight and I'm afraid.
Dear Lord, it's hard right now and I know You see all the things that I've been going through. Give me grace and increase my faith because I know that You have already gone ahead of me and that you are bringing me to greater heights through these trials... Be my Comforter and Strength in time of need. In all things may I continue in Your will. May Your Word be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path... In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
2 comments:
lol u finally got ur freakin comments back haha
Why yes I did. I haven't seen you in forever! Was just thinking about you recently cuz I remember you saying something about going to Japan to study!
Post a Comment