Comparing Between Pregnancies

B's in his highchair now, snacking on his Happybaby kale and spinach puffs while I wait for his food to be done cooking. So now that I've got some time, I'll just write a quick post.

I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with baby no. 2 and I've been comparing this with my first pregnancy. This is what I've noted:

In Utero Activity

#1: I did not feel any movement until about 18 weeks. The kicks only started to get really vigorous mostly after 30 weeks. Until the very end, I have never been woken up by his kicking. 

#2: I first felt movement at 12 weeks. The frequency and intensity of kicks have been building up since about 18 weeks. Currently at 29 weeks, I sometimes get woken up by her shoving and kicking at night.

Physical Discomfort

#1: I was still able to comfortably sleep until about 32 weeks. No cramping, but I did have to deal with swollen feet and bloatedness in my third trimester.

#2: Extremely bad cramps in the pelvic and lower back area coupled with periodic cramps in the abdomen since about 24 weeks. On bad days, I can hardly walk. The penguin shuffle began around then too. However, I don't have to deal with bloatedness during this pregnancy, partly because I don't have to walk as often and I'm still breastfeeding.

Physical Ability

#1: I still felt fairly confident in skates all the way until around 26 weeks. I was able to walk easily until around 32 weeks. DDR, tennis and badminton were all doable until the very last day.

#2: I did not feel I was able to skate anymore around 20 weeks. I did play DDR around 2 weeks ago, but only up till level 13 and only one round (3 songs). Walking more than 30 minutes gives me intense cramping later on, so I try to limit sitting, standing or walking too long.

Cravings

#1: Craving all my usual foods. Did not feel nauseous except in the beginning and towards the end of the pregnancy. I did throw up involuntarily once around 30-32 weeks though.

#2: Craving all my usual foods while feeling thirsty and hungry constantly. I suspect this has much to do with breastfeeding. Was very nauseous at the beginning, lasting from 8-19 weeks. It went away for awhile, but I started feeling nauseous again around 23 weeks.

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So basically, pregnancy no. 2 has not been easy compared to the first! I don't usually like to mention this to people because it's annoying when I get comments like "oh no, that means she's gonna be trouble."

Yeah well... As if Brendan's the most perfect baby in the world! He most certainly is not.

These days, he's capable of screaming tantrums and displaying stubbornness. Especially when he's made up his mind to do something and he's not allowed to. I usually stay calm through his antics (lying limp so we cannot pick him up, throwing things, screaming and banging stuff, being defiant) and ignore him while waiting for a quiet window where I can redirect or comfort him. I don't ever give in though. If I said "no touching Daddy's computer", I really mean it! I will remove him repeatedly until he gets the message.

In any case, I am looking forward to the day my kids are old enough to enjoy each other's company. I've been prepping B by showing him how to gently stroke my tummy and be gentle with pets, children and soft toys. When I ask him "where's your baby sister?", he'll happily pat and stroke my tummy with a smile on his face. It's sweet!

What Life Has Been

Brendan is now 14 months and 3 weeks old. He used to take two 1.5-2hr naps in the day, but I decided to drop one nap a few days ago and consolidate them into one 3hr nap in the afternoon. So far, so good. My baby quickly is growing into a toddler...

He's currently in love with his blankets and Megabloks. If the blanket is within his reach, he will try to pull it out from between the slats of the crib and crawl with it everywhere. I really don't like when he does that because his blanket would be dusty later on. So the moment I spot him with his blanket outside the crib, I will take the blanket from him and put it back in an unreachable spot. Thankfully, he won't cry or protest when I do that. He knows when mommy means business!

The guitar is another source of fun for Brendan.

Sometimes, I leave it lying on the couch and he will crawl up to pat the strings or examine the various little parts of it.

He's been taking little steps on his own since he was 13.5 months old. But like his extremely cautious INTJ dad, he prefers to do everything the "safe", "proper" and "certain" way. Despite obviously being able to walk on his own, he's still taking his time to master his balance- almost as if he wants to be an expert in standing alone before venturing onto the next step. I love that I'm able to observe this part of his analytical personality so early on!

My second Mothers' Day was filled with flowers, smiles and cake. My dad actually came by HOB earlier and dropped off (our favorite) strawberry cheesecake from SSC without telling me. It was a really pleasant and delicious surprise!

I wished my mom were in town. I would have gotten her something to eat too... Haha

When the weather's nice, I'd take Brendan to the playground downstairs where he can meet other babies and practice his standing/walking. He usually spends his time standing in a corner observing the other children play or walking round the poles.

Everyday is a new day of discovery and mastery for him.

Sometimes I am (not so happily) surprised by his new abilities.

But mostly, I love the daily smiles, cuddles and kisses that I get from him :)

My Responsibility

The breaks between each post on this blog is getting longer and longer. Time is a luxury for every mom with a baby and blogging just isn't a priority anymore. There are so many things that fight for my attention each day. Baby aside, there's the husband, work, chores, Facebook (guilty as charged) and devotions for the ladies' Bible study held at my place now weekly. I hardly even have the energy to go do the things I enjoy these days. Chinese calligraphy, skating, DDR, running, hanging out with friends... By the time 7pm rolls around and Brendan is in bed, all I have energy left for is to eat and finish up whatever I didn't get to do in the day.

Sometimes I get weepy and sick of the mom/work routine. Is this life even worth living when it's no fun at all? Why can't I have 100 hours in a day and unlimited energy to do the things that need to be done, and at the end of it, pursue my dreams and have tons of fun to top it all off?

Ironically, I have many reasons to be grateful. Brendan sleeps through from 7pm to 7.30am (thanks to the whole Babywise routine) and that gives me plenty of freedom in the night. Not only that, but he also takes consistent naps in the day, so you won't hear the usual "mommy complaints" from me like "I can't take a shower at all because my baby won't let me put him down!" or "I'm so exhausted from my baby because he won't play by himself and needs to feed constantly". I'm really really really grateful daily for all this. Truly, I am! I guess I'm just yearning for more... Is it greed?

Since Brendan was born, work has really taken a backseat too. Instead of prospecting heavily for clients, I only service my existing pool when needed. As a result, the amount of sales has dropped tremendously, much to the disappointment of my manager and doubtlessly, my overachieving dad (who I feel always has sky-high expectations for his children).

I often ruminate over whether my choice to spend the majority of my time on Brendan is a good one. Many women in Singapore in this day and age are expected to work alongside their husbands since the cost of living here is through the roof. Many are struggling just to feed one or two children, with both parents working. I know many of them may not look like it from the outside, but when you do the math, you'll realize that a lot of people are living on the edge with no retirement plans in place. I do receive judgmental silence/talk when it's revealed that Brendan is by my side almost 24/7. I bring him along with me to appointments if I can and even some meetings in the office. The usual question asked is, "why don't you put him in infant care or hire a babysitter or a maid so that you can work during the day instead of letting your sales suffer?". This is usually posed in a way that implies work and earning money is superior to actually looking after your child. I was even told once by a Singaporean aunty that my choice to watch Brendan on my own instead of putting him in infant care was going to turn him into a dependent softie of a man in the future. LOL! But my kid is the one who is able to sleep and play on his own right now as opposed to your super-clingy grandson- so where's the logic/evidence?

I don't bother to explain to anyone anymore why this is my choice. I simply realized that doing so would expose our differing fundamental beliefs instead of coming to a good conclusion. But for the sake of blogging, I will pen down my beliefs here.

I believe that children are not only a blessing, but also a responsibility from God. We are told in the Bible to "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). In Proverbs 29:15, it also says "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." 

With these verses in the back of my mind, I always look back to my own experiences as a child. Being raised by a single working mom meant that I was always either in the care of a babysitter, relative or in daycare. In my teens and young adulthood, I've been a babysitter and fulltime caretaker myself. I came to the conclusion that nobody besides your own parents will ever put in as much care and effort in disciplining you. I grew up with inconsistent discipline and a general lack of parental guidance. People who knew me as a child and teenager can surely attest to the rebellious and impulsive behavior that in some part, resulted from that.

It did not matter that there was always an adult in the vicinity who made sure that I ate, bathed and did my homework on time. What I needed on top of having my physical needs being met, was to have my spiritual, mental and emotional self developed in a godly way that only parental authority can. Different caretakers meant different belief systems were imposed on me at various times of the day and years. I was punished for certain things in one place, but not another. But the worst pain of all, apart from inconsistency, was the lack of my parents' love. As a child, love simply meant to me that they were there. I used to look on in envy as other children had their moms or dads pick them up from school, drop them off at daycare, show up for performances and sports days in school. Mine were always working. I took it to mean that they didn't care. I know better now, but it doesn't undo the tremendous hurt that brought my young heart at the time.

Knowing all of this, how can I willingly give my child up to another person's care for the majority of the day? I know a grandparent's love can still never replace the soothing presence and consistent training of a parent. Our parents have earned the right to be grandparents now. Why should I ask them to discipline on my behalf when they yearn to spoil? I will not take that pleasure from them, nor do I expect them to be able to withhold it!

As the days pass, I grow in my conviction that this is the right thing to do. Earning money may be a priority for most, but I believe God gives us exactly what we need for each day. I do not need to worry about tomorrow. But what I do need to do is to take up this responsibility that He has given to me. It would be easy, and selfish in my situation to throw myself into work and let Brendan be in someone else's care during the day so I can enjoy life the way my unmarried self would have intended. But I do not feel that is my calling... 

Brendan Turns 10 Months

This past Saturday, Brendan turned 10 months old. I actually forgot that it was the 16th on that day and only realized it today. I haven't written about my dear baby for some time and I think now's a good time to catch up.

That afternoon, we attempted to get to the Treetop Walk via the Venus Drive entrance. I used to come here with Joel and Chloe so often that it's funny I haven't made it to the actual Treetop Walk once!

Jerry wore Brendan in the Ergobaby carrier for the entire 4.8km walk. I knew NS was good for something!

I was glad to see that there was an actual path with improvements (wooden boards over mud) now.

There were monkeys grazing near the entrance and one of them tried to get aggressive with me as I walked behind Jerry and Brendan. My mom instinct came out and I growled at it as I knew best to. Haha!

I felt very nostalgic walking along the stream, remembering the days when Joel and Chloe were still "little" and we waded and caught fish here together.

I don't know why I have a nice camera when all I bother to use ever since Brendan was born, is my iPhone 6. The photos are grainy at best. But it's so convenient!

This was a cool little cave formed by a fallen tree.

We had a nice walk but because we started out late, we didn't make it to the gate on time. I can't believe I didn't get to go on it YET AGAIN!

Got home, waited for Brendan to fall asleep at his usual 7pm, then whipped up a meal as fast as I could because we were starving.

On Sunday, Brendan got to play with his little god-cousins at House of Bread. I love that a little group of children is forming and blossoming in our Bible study.

Today, my baby is being kind of clingy.

I wonder if it has anything to do with being woken up rudely last night by loud noises. He just doesn't seem to want to be alone even though he's usually fine with that.

Babywise, Parker & Daily Life

From day one, Brendan has been a Babywise baby. 

For those who have never heard about the book by Gary Ezzo, it is basically a book on how to schedule your baby's day. In a nutshell, each feeding session is followed by a "waketime", before putting your baby down for a nap. According to the book, trying to follow their schedule will have most babies sleeping through the night by eight weeks of age. 

Of course results will vary baby to baby since each one is an individual.

I remember telling C while I was pregnant that I was planning to have my baby sleep through the night by eight weeks of age. She told me to be realistic because hers was not able to sleep through the night till much later.

However, I'm very happy to say that Brendan has been a relatively easy baby. From the very first day till now, I've been concentrating on getting him to have a full feed each time as well as quality sleep. I am glad that my efforts have paid off because he is now (at seven weeks), capable of sleeping from 11pm till 5:30am each night. 

Of course, some nights are exceptions, but I don't mind if he gets up an extra time in the middle of the night for a feeding because it is usually short (about 5-10 minutes) and probably due to a growth spurt. 

And how do I know if he is going through a growth spurt? It's pretty obvious to me by now. There will be one or two days/nights of increased feeding sessions and fussiness. Thereafter, I will observe very sudden changes in either his physicality (gaining weight) or mental abilities (social smiling, increased awareness of his surroundings).

If you're wondering, yes, I am fully and totally breastfeeding him. And I do get letdowns in the middle of the night. Still, my milk supply has not diminished and Brendan is still getting fatter by the day!

Last night, we went to Parker Korean Restaurant along Upper Thomson Road so I could satisfy my irrational Korean food craving. I had never eaten there before, but it was one of the closer restaurants to us.

My breastfeeding apron is a lifesaver when we go out.

I should have taken a hint when we saw that the entire place was empty at dinnertime. The appetisers were soggy and my bibimbap was barely tolerable (didn't even bother to take a photo). 

One thing positive about the place though- the staff are honest people. I had left my phone on the table as we were leaving, but they kept it for me until we returned to retrieve it.

One of my favorite sights these days is my dear baby's milk-drunk face. It's just the cutest thing in the world to me!

Brendan's diaper literally exploded today. I had never seen such an insane poo from him before.

In the afternoon, I like to take him downstairs for a stroll. He'll usually fall asleep by the end of it though.

7 Weeks

My dear baby is growing so quickly... At 7 weeks, he is now making plenty of cooing sounds during waketimes and starting to lift his head higher when lying on his tummy. 

He smiled at me quite a few times today. Oh it warms my heart so to see it! 

Sometimes I wonder if I really do love him with the intense kind of love that moms supposedly have. You know, the kind that will make moms voluntarily jump into a fire to save their babies. Honestly, sometimes when he gets his saliva on my hand, I quickly try to wipe it off because I am kind of saliva phobic. 

Still, I know I definitely love him enough to change his diaper in the morning with a smile even though I am dead tired. A few years ago, you could not persuade me to get out of bed without at least three swipes at the snooze button. Now, all I need is a faint whimper from the baby cot and I'm up! 

Each time I look down on his sweet little face, I'm reminded of how innocent and helpless he is. If he needs anything, the most he could do is to cry until his throat dries out. He is totally and utterly dependent on me. What a scary thing it is to be a baby.

I visited Lizzie and baby Alexander earlier today. I had not seen them since a week before I delivered, which was when Alex was born. Six days later, out came Brendan. 

It's really nice to have a friend who is going through the same lifestage as you, especially a Christian one. It's easy to listen to the world give you all sorts of advice, but nothing beats Christian fellowship- it's like chicken soup for the soul. 

In the evening, I hung out at Ah Yee's, where we discovered that Brendan could probably play the piano with his toes in the future if he wanted to. Haha! 

Anddddd that's it for the day. I put him down to sleep at about 10pm and spent the last two hours blogging, replying to emails and surfing Facebook. 

Goodnight.