Thoughts On Life & Moving

Every single time I get an urge to write, I feel like creating a new blog. My hands start itching to pull out one of my many new and unused diaries. But I don't, because I know that after that first entry, the diary would likely lie unused for the next few years. I'd also forget the password to my new blog and never write another post.

So here I am, back again...

Life is moving at the speed of life. If I dwell on the past, it seems to move too quickly. Swing my gaze into the future and it seems to move at snail's pace. For this year, God's been really teaching me to live in the present. To savor each bite, to enjoy the rainy day at home, to look at the people I walk past daily. J told me that I always seem to rush from one place to another, only to melt in exhaustion at the end of the day. It makes everyday life seem so meaningless and miserable.

The thing is, I am always thinking about opportunities and possibilities. I never want a moment to go to waste, so I try to capitalise on every second I've got- only to end up wasting all of it because I never bothered to pause and enjoy the moment. Everyday is a GO day for me.

I've been thinking about why God wants us to move back to the States at this point of time. I enjoy my work and the community of family and friends that has been established here over the years. Logically, I know that it would be better for our family to migrate at this point so that we can raise our kids the way I believe I should. But still I long to know the deeper meaning. I want to know WHY this (God's) plan is so perfect?! From experience, I know God may reveal His higher purposes to me, yet this usually comes in hindsight. If I were to know the answer now, it would rob me of the chance to exercise my faith.

I am so grateful for the past six years spent here. I've met so many wonderful people and forged deeper friendships with both old and new acquaintances. I met my husband and had two children. I've changed so much as a person. I feel older and younger at the same time.

Part of me worries that J might pick a state to move to that I will dislike. Hmm... I guess that's why He wants me to learn contentment and enjoyment in the moment right now. Because if I can't savor where I'm at in life right now, wolfing bits of it down will eventually make me choke. Besides, J might make a choice, but I know it is God who directs our path......

Being Content

I been thinking a bit more about what I wrote last night. 

Is my heart really being restless right now? What am I still unsatisfied with?

I couldn't figure it out. But when I heard this song again today, I felt like I didn't need to know what I was being unsatisfied with. There is only one thing I need to know: Jesus Christ.

The chorus of this song goes-

The greatest blessing in this life

Is to be able to know God

The greatest blessing in this life

Is to be able to believe in Jesus our Lord

When I look at the riches I have found in Christ, everything in life seems to pale in comparison. If I lose my family, my job, my home today, I can still be joyful, because I can have true contentment and peace in Jesus Christ alone. 

Dear Lord Jesus, help me to be content, resting in You no matter if I'm in health or sickness, in joy or despair. Through sad times and blessed moments, grant me your peace like a river in my heart. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

Contentment Lies In Christ

I miss school. 

But I love that I get a salary now.

I love the hot weather.

But I wish I'd rolled in the snow at least once this year.

I love rollerblading.

But I miss track like crazy.

Why can't I just be content with what I have, with what today has to offer?

Have you ever felt like life was just passing you by, one week at a time? I'm starting to feel that way now every Sunday. I look back at my week and ask: what have I done with the time given to me?

I begin to wish that I'd done certain things.

Is 2012 going to be a year of wishing?

I really don't know. 

We're three months deep into 2012 and I'm full of "I wish I had done xxx on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday". 

Now if I can just take my gaze off of myself, my life, my time, I can begin to see the bigger plans God has. Instead of thinking of ways to have fun during the week, perhaps I can focus my energies on serving others. In the hustle and bustle of the work week, perhaps quiet time with the Prince of Peace is all it takes to set the record straight again.

What do I have to lose?