Ok I thought I had blogged about this before but glancing through my past posts, it turns out that I didn't really go in-depth about it.
You must be wondering what on earth am I talking about?
I'm talking about feeling far from God, feeling as though I want to hear His voice but He's not speaking to me and then wondering whether He's speaking to me but I'm just not listening and then getting confused and angry at myself.
I'm talking about failing to do things that God has commanded me to do- like keeping my itchy mouth shut and loving others unconditionally. Feeling disappointed at myself and like a big loser. Feeling unaccomplished and somewhat drained.
Almost like a lost puppy, knowing that I'm still attached to the leash but not being able to see where my owner is and if he's still holding onto the leash.
So I did the only thing I could do, which was to bark. Well, in my case, to pray. Pray pray pray... Asking God to turn His face towards me and to show me His will. To submit myself before Him and acknowledge my weaknesses. To ask what I want to ask instead of bottling it up and hoping that He would read my mind for me instead.
I pressed into the Lord and sought His face.
And HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE LORD!
God has been downright faithful and has answered my prayer so overwhelmingly that I cannot express my gratitude.
His voice is like a cool refreshing shower after a drought.
Ok let me try to get more detailed here...
I was feeling really lost and wondering what God wants me to do next so I asked Him just that. And in my heart I felt that I simply needed to TRUST and OBEY.
At the beginning of this school semester, I had actually dedicated it to God and I asked Him to use this semester and to use me in school for His glory. To be honest, even as I prayed that, I wasn't sure that I could be of any use to God. I mean, I don't think a lot of people in school regard me as Christian (because everybody at school seems to call themselves "Christian" anyway) and I felt like I was the only one in a whole sea of people who cared about living for Christ at all.
A few days ago the little absurd idea of starting a bible study at school popped into my head. I followed that thought half-heartedly but stopped when I thought that no one would probably reply to my invitation to study the bible together once a week.
So it was just a fleeting thought, a passing one. And what Eileen said to me a long time ago about starting a bible study flashed briefly in my mind as well but I didn't take it seriously.
Well last night at school, I was randomly surfing around on Facebook and one of my track teammates posted a status saying something about no one wanting to hang out.
Strangely, even though there were many reasons I couldn't hang out with her (it was already 21:30 and I had practice the next morning at 08:30), I decided to comment on her status saying "you didn't ask me!"
Long story short, she ended up coming over to hang out in my room and we began talking about God and Christianity. It turns out that I'M NOT THE ONLY GOD-FEARING PERSON AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SO happy when I realised that this was God directly answering one of my prayers. I had asked God for a Christian friend at school quite a few times but I never thought He'd answer my prayer this way.
The funny thing is, as teammates, we never realised that we both had the same passion for God. All this time, I thought I was the only one who didn't like partying, who didn't believe in the worldly dating system, who didn't like cursing, who liked Christian music...
As we were talking and sharing about our lives, I suddenly found myself blurting out "we should have a bible study here". And as I said those words, I felt my brain go "oh no" and "oh yes!" at the same time.
"Oh no" because of my doubts. "Oh yes!" because it's another answered prayer.
But most of all, I was just so touched that God listens to my prayer and answers them just like that! *snaps fingers*
I cannot believe that with all my inadequacy, even though I am such a failure, that God is still willing to use me. I'm not hardworking, disciplined, considerate, patient or tender but even though I am so weak in all these areas, God still chooses to use me and He didn't let me go......
Anyway, it was simply a great night as God tied the pieces together. Even though I didn't go to bed until 02:00, I still felt refreshed and strengthened in spirit the next morning.
We are going to have bible study every Monday evening from now onwards. It is a strange thing to hold bible study in a Catholic college that requires every student to take theology classes- but I know that God's way is always the best way.
Please pray for us as we continue to serve the Lord!
Peace and joy to everyone out there who is persevering for Christ.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38-39.
:)
You must be wondering what on earth am I talking about?
I'm talking about feeling far from God, feeling as though I want to hear His voice but He's not speaking to me and then wondering whether He's speaking to me but I'm just not listening and then getting confused and angry at myself.
I'm talking about failing to do things that God has commanded me to do- like keeping my itchy mouth shut and loving others unconditionally. Feeling disappointed at myself and like a big loser. Feeling unaccomplished and somewhat drained.
Almost like a lost puppy, knowing that I'm still attached to the leash but not being able to see where my owner is and if he's still holding onto the leash.
So I did the only thing I could do, which was to bark. Well, in my case, to pray. Pray pray pray... Asking God to turn His face towards me and to show me His will. To submit myself before Him and acknowledge my weaknesses. To ask what I want to ask instead of bottling it up and hoping that He would read my mind for me instead.
I pressed into the Lord and sought His face.
And HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE LORD!
God has been downright faithful and has answered my prayer so overwhelmingly that I cannot express my gratitude.
His voice is like a cool refreshing shower after a drought.
Ok let me try to get more detailed here...
I was feeling really lost and wondering what God wants me to do next so I asked Him just that. And in my heart I felt that I simply needed to TRUST and OBEY.
At the beginning of this school semester, I had actually dedicated it to God and I asked Him to use this semester and to use me in school for His glory. To be honest, even as I prayed that, I wasn't sure that I could be of any use to God. I mean, I don't think a lot of people in school regard me as Christian (because everybody at school seems to call themselves "Christian" anyway) and I felt like I was the only one in a whole sea of people who cared about living for Christ at all.
A few days ago the little absurd idea of starting a bible study at school popped into my head. I followed that thought half-heartedly but stopped when I thought that no one would probably reply to my invitation to study the bible together once a week.
So it was just a fleeting thought, a passing one. And what Eileen said to me a long time ago about starting a bible study flashed briefly in my mind as well but I didn't take it seriously.
Well last night at school, I was randomly surfing around on Facebook and one of my track teammates posted a status saying something about no one wanting to hang out.
Strangely, even though there were many reasons I couldn't hang out with her (it was already 21:30 and I had practice the next morning at 08:30), I decided to comment on her status saying "you didn't ask me!"
Long story short, she ended up coming over to hang out in my room and we began talking about God and Christianity. It turns out that I'M NOT THE ONLY GOD-FEARING PERSON AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SO happy when I realised that this was God directly answering one of my prayers. I had asked God for a Christian friend at school quite a few times but I never thought He'd answer my prayer this way.
The funny thing is, as teammates, we never realised that we both had the same passion for God. All this time, I thought I was the only one who didn't like partying, who didn't believe in the worldly dating system, who didn't like cursing, who liked Christian music...
As we were talking and sharing about our lives, I suddenly found myself blurting out "we should have a bible study here". And as I said those words, I felt my brain go "oh no" and "oh yes!" at the same time.
"Oh no" because of my doubts. "Oh yes!" because it's another answered prayer.
But most of all, I was just so touched that God listens to my prayer and answers them just like that! *snaps fingers*
I cannot believe that with all my inadequacy, even though I am such a failure, that God is still willing to use me. I'm not hardworking, disciplined, considerate, patient or tender but even though I am so weak in all these areas, God still chooses to use me and He didn't let me go......
Anyway, it was simply a great night as God tied the pieces together. Even though I didn't go to bed until 02:00, I still felt refreshed and strengthened in spirit the next morning.
We are going to have bible study every Monday evening from now onwards. It is a strange thing to hold bible study in a Catholic college that requires every student to take theology classes- but I know that God's way is always the best way.
Please pray for us as we continue to serve the Lord!
Peace and joy to everyone out there who is persevering for Christ.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38-39.
:)
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