Snowday & Forgiving Others

Wheeeeee blog time! I love it!

Alright so we got a few fresh inches of snow yesterday morning and it looked really pretty out so Alex and I went outside to play for a bit.

Unfortunately, the snow was too powdery to build anything with so we just rolled around it it.

I buried Alex in the snow.

It was only an hour of walking and rolling around but we were pretty pooped by the end of it. Alex face had turned beet red and it felt like a sauna under my three layers of clothing.

Time is flying and Alex is growing up so quickly. Watching him makes me cherish the times with Max because I know he won't stay this cute for long. In two years he'll lose that cude widdle pwonunciation bwabble and be too heavy for me to toss around. Alex is already getting too heavy to push around. You should see his legs, they're like little tree trunks.

Hmmm....

So I'm sitting here in bed thinking about what we talked about in church bible study today- forgiveness.

I'm thinking super hard about it right now because I feel a bit hurt today, thinking about how some good friends don't seem to be treating me like good friends anymore. I guess you could say that I feel a little "unloved", somewhat unfairly treated, ignored and/or wronged.

Is it that I'm craving attention from people again? I think not. I just sense some unresolved issues floating right beneath the surface of our smiles and good-natured banter. To be fair, I'm not even sure that the other parties are upsetting me intentionally, but I trust their emotional quotients enough to assume that they have a good handle on what's going on.

I'll tell you what I'm so tempted to do.

I'm tempted to ignore them right back, passive-aggressive my way out of their lives and fake shake/smile so coolly that it'll make them think twice and regret losing a friend like me!

See anything wrong with that twisted fantasy?

I do too.

If I did that, what kind of friend would I be? One who stuck around when things were great and left as soon as the going got tough? Would it be any loss to them to lose such an impatient friend like me?

Sigh... Forgiving people the way Jesus commanded us to is not easy.

He said "Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you" (Matthew 5:39-42)

Not only is it not easy, it just simply seems impossible.

So basically, not only am I NOT supposed to ignore them, or passive-aggressive them out of my lives; instead I'm supposed to engage them and inject love (1 Corinthians 13 style) into our relationship? I have to be patient, kind, not self-seeking, not easily angered and always trust them?

Sigh...

I know you can love people from a distance, that you don't have to be intimate with a person to love them. This principle works especially well in abusive relationships. You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship just because God commands us to love them. The ultimate act of love from a distance would really be to pray for the abuser... But in my case, nobody's outright abusing me. At least not in the physical sense.

Actually it's not like I haven't been faced with the same problem before; although perhaps, without different people.

It took me a lot of prayer and setting aside my pride, because I realised that pride was what made me feel like I was better than them that I actually had the RIGHT to bear a grudge against and over their heads. But in reality, I don't have that right. I don't have the right to go up to someone and say "hey you are wrong and I am going to punish you by never letting you forget what you did to me!" The moment I do something like that, I'm judging that person and acting in place of God.

Only God can judge.

And only God can give me the strength and perseverance I really need right now to love others in spite of myself. Not as I love myself (evidently I love myself a lot), but in spite of myself and selfish pride.

Who am I but a speck of dust in this infinite universe? Who am I to gaze critically upon the actions of another when I myself have so much to work on? And what do I gain from bottling up this bitterness inside my heart over things that are temporary in nature?

Nothing. It's so pointless and meaningless when you look at it from a bigger perspective, from God's perspective.

I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.

It is not worth putting others down, gaining that little moment of victory, but by doing so, disobeying God and thereby forfeiting my relationship with Him. No wonder God calls us to humble ourselves before Him. Humbling myself would mean acknowledging that I don't have the right to judge other people. I would then have no reason to bear a grudge against them.

If this unforgiving spirit is going to stand in the way of my relationship with Christ, then let it leave me right now! Because I don't want to run the race of life halfway and let it cut in front and keep me from winning the race.

Lord Jesus Christ, I choose life. I choose forgiveness over unforgiveness and I choose not to focus on what they've done but on what You've done for me. You died for me while I was still a sinner, undeserving and completely falling short of Your glory. You did not have to die for me but You did it anyway because of Your great love for me. Teach me to love like You did Lord, and let Your love fill my heart to overflowing. Let Your love wipe out every bitter feeling and hurt that I hold in hidden crevices of my heart right now. I drink Your cool waters of healing, thanking You and praising You for what You have done. Lead me from temptation and deliver me from the deception of the evil one! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.