So I've got to be completely honest about something.
I haven't touched my thesis writing at all ever this week. January is ending in two days and I've only got about a month, or four weeks left to write it. On top of my thesis is a steadily growing pile of regular homework.
Call it lack of discipline, attention deficit disorder, procrastination and what not, I just can't seem to snap out of this lazy holiday mode!
You know what I've really been up to? I've been lying in bed all day for the past few days just watching Korean dramas. Dream High and My Princess. Freshly-subtitled on Youtube.
Isn't it ironic? I tell people all the time about how addicting these things are. I even had a long conversation with my dad this past summer in which I enthusiastically agreed with him saying that these days, some women get so engrossed in watching dramas that it's destroying their daily lives. They just watch dramas from day to night, neglecting their children and husbands, foregoing sleep just to catch the latest episode.
Guess who's doing that right now?
That's right. Yours truly has actually been sleeping at 04:30 in the morning for the past two days just because she couldn't tear herself away from the screen.
Funny thing is, every morning I get up thinking the same thing. I tell myself I'm going to do this, that and this or feel sorry for myself later; but at the end, nothing got accomplished all week. Tomorrow is Sunday, my rest day, but I don't think I'll be enjoying it at all. I'll probably spend Sunday being guilty and restless.
Because I haven't been running at all since I last twisted my ankle, I've been feeling extremely antsy and lethargic. Hah... if that were possible to feel at the same time. Snowball fights may get my heartrate up a tad but it's certainly nowhere close to the daily high I get off of running. It's like my flesh wants to jump out of my skin all the time but my limbs are just too heavy to move.
On top of that, my ravenous appetite has taken a nosedive into Potatochipsland and it looks as if it's there to stay until ever ever after.
Okay so I may be suffering a withdrawal from not running... Or I may be suffering from the deadly disease of "I'll do it tomorrow". Either way, I'm feeling rather miserable and even worse, far from God.
Because I've been so engrossed in watching dramas, I haven't been reading my Bible before bedtime since Wednesday and I feel like I'm getting further and further off course as a result. My prayers have become quickly-uttered, loosely-stuttered jingles that don't really come from my heart. While talking to Talia this morning about God and stuff, I was really thinking in my head: "wow Mindy, you're great. You're giving people advice when you can't even handle the simple task of doing your work!"
I just don't seem to be able to do anything right these days.
I can't take pride in my school work, find joy on the track or satisfaction in food or Korean dramas.
In an attempt to escape the bedroom this afternoon, I took Alex for a hike on a snow-covered trail nearby.
Alex made a snowboat on the far right. I made snowducks.
Then sent them floating down the river.
They fell into pieces in minutes, reminding me of the countless hairbrained ideas I've ever tried to bring to life- like being a fashion model. Yeah, that one fell apart really quickly.
The river flowed gently... But my thoughts and emotions rumbled deep in my stomach..
Dinner, Korean barbecued beef and pork, which I usually would've enjoyed thoroughly, was eaten for the sake of eating and left no satisfying impression on my tongue.
After dinner I ascended the stairs to my bedroom and once again lost myself in a fantasy land called Korea.
I've been thinking: if Singapore really wanted to boost her tourism industry, she might take a hint from Korea and give Mediacorp a major revamp! Why do people want to visit Korea so badly now? Because they attach the fantasy and romance depicted in dramas with the places they saw on the screen! How many times have we watched a romantic scene played out on Jeju Island which is always shamelessly depicted as a holiday destination in dramas?
They could probably start by dramatising shows in Singlish. If Singaporeans wanted to watch a show spoken in pure English or Chinese, there's plenty of opportunity for us to do so and we do that in theatres anyway. I know the government thinks that we should try to speak proper English and whatnot, but as far as I can see, their countless anti-Singlish policies aren't working very well. Besides, we're not that dumb. People are entertained by good acting- characterised by the words "natural" and "convincing". Give us a break. We all know that NOBODY talks like that in Singapore! Who are you trying to fool?!?! Foreigners?!?! It's bad acting to begin with!
I thought we were Uniquely Singapore? Maybe we can start by embracing what's truly unique- Singlish. You can't tell a nation to take pride in itself and yet tell them that their language is second-class at the same time. It just doesn't make sense. Languages are like storage boxes, richly filled with the cultures and identities of the people who speak and identify with it. Now that the Singapore economy is booming, perhaps we can relax a bit on trying to be like Englishmen?
Lalala way off topic.
Sigh.
When God said to rest on the seventh day, it was only after six days of working. I don't feel like I deserve my day of rest at all.
A while ago, Jay, the young adults' pastor said that the whole week should be in preparation for church on Sunday, not just Sunday morning or even Saturday night. Now I truly understand what that means.
But even as I'm straggling away from God, I feel He's watching over me. Even though my heart is wicked and likes to wander towards things that I know aren't good for me, I know He's right there waiting for me to come to my senses.
I need to return to that time, when my love for Him was fresh and beautiful... and all I wanted was to be in His presence. I have forgotten my first love, but He's ever faithful.
I think about how much it hurts when good friends are unfaithful to me. How much more it must hurt when God sees us turn our eyes away from His face! How much it must sting to watch us want to enslave ourselves to the devil all over again. And all for what?
Lord, I have sinned. I let all these things come between You and me, even though I know nothing can compare to You, but I didn't restrain my eyes and my heart. I put You second to another and because of that, there's a silence between us that's almost deafening. You know I'm lost and helpless without You. My heart is freezing every moment You walk away from me. Please draw near to me again Lord! I don't want to have to walk through life without You by my side. Speak to me again Lord, I want to hear Your voice and see Your face. Nothing else can satisfy by Your love in my life. Lord Jesus Christ will You just break these chains that bind my mind? Loose these bonds of inactivity and fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. Put to death the fears and doubts I carry with me and renew my heart. Renew my mind. Be with me... In Jesus' name I pray Amen.
*In need of prayer*
I haven't touched my thesis writing at all ever this week. January is ending in two days and I've only got about a month, or four weeks left to write it. On top of my thesis is a steadily growing pile of regular homework.
Call it lack of discipline, attention deficit disorder, procrastination and what not, I just can't seem to snap out of this lazy holiday mode!
You know what I've really been up to? I've been lying in bed all day for the past few days just watching Korean dramas. Dream High and My Princess. Freshly-subtitled on Youtube.
Isn't it ironic? I tell people all the time about how addicting these things are. I even had a long conversation with my dad this past summer in which I enthusiastically agreed with him saying that these days, some women get so engrossed in watching dramas that it's destroying their daily lives. They just watch dramas from day to night, neglecting their children and husbands, foregoing sleep just to catch the latest episode.
Guess who's doing that right now?
That's right. Yours truly has actually been sleeping at 04:30 in the morning for the past two days just because she couldn't tear herself away from the screen.
Funny thing is, every morning I get up thinking the same thing. I tell myself I'm going to do this, that and this or feel sorry for myself later; but at the end, nothing got accomplished all week. Tomorrow is Sunday, my rest day, but I don't think I'll be enjoying it at all. I'll probably spend Sunday being guilty and restless.
Because I haven't been running at all since I last twisted my ankle, I've been feeling extremely antsy and lethargic. Hah... if that were possible to feel at the same time. Snowball fights may get my heartrate up a tad but it's certainly nowhere close to the daily high I get off of running. It's like my flesh wants to jump out of my skin all the time but my limbs are just too heavy to move.
On top of that, my ravenous appetite has taken a nosedive into Potatochipsland and it looks as if it's there to stay until ever ever after.
Okay so I may be suffering a withdrawal from not running... Or I may be suffering from the deadly disease of "I'll do it tomorrow". Either way, I'm feeling rather miserable and even worse, far from God.
Because I've been so engrossed in watching dramas, I haven't been reading my Bible before bedtime since Wednesday and I feel like I'm getting further and further off course as a result. My prayers have become quickly-uttered, loosely-stuttered jingles that don't really come from my heart. While talking to Talia this morning about God and stuff, I was really thinking in my head: "wow Mindy, you're great. You're giving people advice when you can't even handle the simple task of doing your work!"
I just don't seem to be able to do anything right these days.
I can't take pride in my school work, find joy on the track or satisfaction in food or Korean dramas.
In an attempt to escape the bedroom this afternoon, I took Alex for a hike on a snow-covered trail nearby.
Alex made a snowboat on the far right. I made snowducks.
Then sent them floating down the river.They fell into pieces in minutes, reminding me of the countless hairbrained ideas I've ever tried to bring to life- like being a fashion model. Yeah, that one fell apart really quickly.
The river flowed gently... But my thoughts and emotions rumbled deep in my stomach..
Dinner, Korean barbecued beef and pork, which I usually would've enjoyed thoroughly, was eaten for the sake of eating and left no satisfying impression on my tongue.After dinner I ascended the stairs to my bedroom and once again lost myself in a fantasy land called Korea.
I've been thinking: if Singapore really wanted to boost her tourism industry, she might take a hint from Korea and give Mediacorp a major revamp! Why do people want to visit Korea so badly now? Because they attach the fantasy and romance depicted in dramas with the places they saw on the screen! How many times have we watched a romantic scene played out on Jeju Island which is always shamelessly depicted as a holiday destination in dramas?
They could probably start by dramatising shows in Singlish. If Singaporeans wanted to watch a show spoken in pure English or Chinese, there's plenty of opportunity for us to do so and we do that in theatres anyway. I know the government thinks that we should try to speak proper English and whatnot, but as far as I can see, their countless anti-Singlish policies aren't working very well. Besides, we're not that dumb. People are entertained by good acting- characterised by the words "natural" and "convincing". Give us a break. We all know that NOBODY talks like that in Singapore! Who are you trying to fool?!?! Foreigners?!?! It's bad acting to begin with!
I thought we were Uniquely Singapore? Maybe we can start by embracing what's truly unique- Singlish. You can't tell a nation to take pride in itself and yet tell them that their language is second-class at the same time. It just doesn't make sense. Languages are like storage boxes, richly filled with the cultures and identities of the people who speak and identify with it. Now that the Singapore economy is booming, perhaps we can relax a bit on trying to be like Englishmen?
Lalala way off topic.
Sigh.
When God said to rest on the seventh day, it was only after six days of working. I don't feel like I deserve my day of rest at all.
A while ago, Jay, the young adults' pastor said that the whole week should be in preparation for church on Sunday, not just Sunday morning or even Saturday night. Now I truly understand what that means.
But even as I'm straggling away from God, I feel He's watching over me. Even though my heart is wicked and likes to wander towards things that I know aren't good for me, I know He's right there waiting for me to come to my senses.
I need to return to that time, when my love for Him was fresh and beautiful... and all I wanted was to be in His presence. I have forgotten my first love, but He's ever faithful.
I think about how much it hurts when good friends are unfaithful to me. How much more it must hurt when God sees us turn our eyes away from His face! How much it must sting to watch us want to enslave ourselves to the devil all over again. And all for what?
Lord, I have sinned. I let all these things come between You and me, even though I know nothing can compare to You, but I didn't restrain my eyes and my heart. I put You second to another and because of that, there's a silence between us that's almost deafening. You know I'm lost and helpless without You. My heart is freezing every moment You walk away from me. Please draw near to me again Lord! I don't want to have to walk through life without You by my side. Speak to me again Lord, I want to hear Your voice and see Your face. Nothing else can satisfy by Your love in my life. Lord Jesus Christ will You just break these chains that bind my mind? Loose these bonds of inactivity and fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. Put to death the fears and doubts I carry with me and renew my heart. Renew my mind. Be with me... In Jesus' name I pray Amen.
*In need of prayer*
2 comments:
:) hey, at least God has made it so clear that you have indeed lost focus! :)
time to get back on track :)
jiayou :) will be praying for you :)
when we are right to God, everything falls into place, and everything becomes beautiful isn't it? :)yup. don't get addicted to dramas! think it's smth that cause many people to be hooked these days...
Thanks Eileen I appreciate it.. :)
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