Monday

Well, what can I say? Life in Singapore has been awesome so far. I wake up in the morning, silence the alarm, do nothing for almost the whole morning, walk around, meet up with a friend or two for dinner, then go home and sleep. I seem to do very little, but my mind is going crazy with all this thinking about this, that, and everything. 

A few things I've been thinking about today... 

1. My conversations with Talia about our future marriages (Will it ever come for us? Are we doing the right things? Will it happen a few years or when we're 50?!)
2. The reason why a lot of people seem to hate me even though I've always been nice to them (or at least I think I've been nice to them!)
3. The kind of job I'll be working this time next year
4. How patient God is with a loser like me... 
5. How Singaporeans may slow down their lives in such a cosmopolitan country
6. If people can hear my music through my headphones in a quiet lift

Okay, on the way home today, this one thing was really bothering me...

I know because I'm tall and dark, I tend to stand out (literally) in a crowd. So it's not uncommon for people to stare at me. But to be honest, I really don't enjoy all this eyeball attention. In the U.S., it wasn't so bad. Mostly because I don't take public transport all the time. But in Singapore, I am always conscious of a zillion eyes staring at me everywhere I go, analyzing my appearance from my head to my toes. And often times, it's GIRLS who are staring, not guys! I can't seem to take the bus or train without constantly feeling like there are eyes boring holes into my back.

It's kind of unsettling and comes as a bit of a culture shock to me. 

I used to like people-watching, but I don't check out people nowadays, even if someone happens to catch my eye, because I personally hate being eyeballed- so now I don't wish this upon someone else!

Now I know why people (especially girls) are so much more self-conscious here. It's very sad. I used to be an advocate of dressing well, no matter the event, situation or time of day. But now, I wish that everyone would just walk around in shorts, tattered T-shirts and flip-flops instead. Perhaps if people felt more comfortable in public, they wouldn't be so uptight about every little thing. 

I have to constantly remind myself not to take little things personally nowadays. For example, it's not uncommon to have people stare rudely at you after you apologise for THEM bumping into you first. At first, I felt very indignant about this. But afterwards, I realised that if anything is going to change around here, it will have to begin with me. So I really have to work on being gracious and patient no matter what. 

I am in such great need of God each day. Everyday I see my need for His grace and presence growing. I know I should be spending more time reading His Word and praying, but it's so hard. Why is it so hard?!!

Help!