36 Weeks & Stuff

Photo credit: my wonderful husband :) 

I'm smiling in the photo, but there aren't many things to smile about. A few things have been going on lately. First of all, Chinese New Year came and went. I didn't visit any of Jerry's relatives this year due to some last minute circumstances but I did get to spend some time visiting my immediate family. It was a long and exhausting weekend.

On Saturday, Jerry's dad was sent to the hospital for a bout of severe coughing that left him breathless. He ended up in the isolation ward for a suspected case of tuberculosis (TB). Unfortunately, he was tested positive. He came home last night and is on medical leave for some time.

The thing that bugs me though is that neither of Jerry's parents seem to be aware of their surroundings... Nobody's wearing face masks and they are coughing and sneezing openly everywhere without covering their mouths. I'm also worried that his dad will skip his medications since he has a habit of doing so. You're NOT supposed to skip any medication during the six months recovery period. It's left me feeling confined to the bedroom. I'm worried that either Jerry's going to catch the disease and pass it to me, or our baby will arrive and be infected soon after. I suddenly feel at a lost as to whether we should continue living in this house or if we should just move out as soon as possible. All my happy baby prepping mood just got dampened REAL fast!

I seriously never saw this coming...

To top it up, Jerry's mom has been acting erratically and doing things she shouldn't be doing. It's left the whole family feeling very worried and upset. Well, except for Jerry who has a lot of faith that God will take care of his mom in the matters we cannot control. But me? I'm struggling with it daily. I go back and forth between feeling angry (why is she still so irresponsible at this age?) and feeling compassionate (God loves her and I should pray for her). It's mentally draining and I even find myself wanting to vent on poor Jerry when he comes home, all tired from work.

I long for peace.

A peace of mind, a reassurance that everything is going to be okay. It is the most precious thing that I could hold on to right now. 

On Sunday in church, we read this verse from John 14:27. It says "My peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, do not be afraid."

Despite everything that is going on, God wants me to not let my heart be disturbed by my circumstances, but to trust Him and to rest in His peace. Honestly, this is easier said than done! But what can I do? He has never failed me...

Getting Ready For The Big Day

Many people are surprised when I tell them that we're getting married in May.

"May...... 2015?" They ask. 

"No May, this year. 2014"

*cue look of utter shock* 

"ARE YOU PREGNANT???"

lol

Well, the truth is, I'm not pregnant. We'd just like to get married when our pastor is still in Singapore, my aunt is around and before my parents head back to the States. That leaves us with the end of May this year as our best option.

Not to mention, I'm such an impatient person. I really couldn't stand the thought of waiting an entire year to get married!!!

I know what many of you are thinking... How am I supposed to pull off a wedding with slightly less than two months to prepare? 

I got three words for you.

God Answers Prayer

The very moment Jerry and I knew we were going to get married this May, we clasped our hands together in prayer and asked God to go on ahead of us and help us plan our wedding. We knew there would be challenges ahead. Perhaps it would be difficult to book a wedding venue with such little notice. What about the photographers, makeup artist, the dresses, his suit, cake, etc etc etc?

There were simply too many things to worry about and we knew there was no use trying to handle it all on our own. So we sought God's hand and wisdom in our planning process.

You would not believe how quickly and amazingly God answered each and every one of our prayers!

In just a few days, we managed to narrow down, visit and book the venue of our choice. The last function room that was available on our wedding date was exactly the right size.

We got our wedding photography package signed up with Sophia Wedding along Tanjong Pagar Road. On that day, a couple cancelled their appointment at the last minute and I was able to pick my gown there instead of waiting a few weeks (it would have been too late by then).

I shopped for fabric with my aunts and had my cheongsam custom-made in Chinatown. The dressmaker's shop, Iris & Edel, were able to complete the cheongsam in time for my photoshoot despite having to alter it twice.

A few weeks later, we went for a food tasting session at our wedding venue. Everything tasted way better than I expected!

I spent an hour and a half the next day trying on dresses for my bridesmaids. We ended up choosing none of these. 

Then, something unfortunate happened. 

We hadn't skated for almost a month and I was missing the skatepark like crazy. So we went to the skatepark about two weeks before our photoshoot for a little skating session. 

That night, Jerry went home with two stitches in his upper lip and a bad scrape/bruise on his left knee. He couldn't smile without busting his stitches, nor could he walk properly. He was really upset that this happened so close to our photoshoot. 

I remember sitting with him on the floor at the skatepark, his face covered with blood. But I only felt peace. Somehow, I knew in my heart that everything would be okay. So I prayed with him that his wounds would heal before our photoshoot on April 24th. He had about 14 days to recover at that point. 

The day of the photoshoot came.

For once, we arrived at the studio on time. We were always so very late to our dress fittings (and that's bad!)

My mom and xiaoyee (aunt) came to help us with the shoot even though it was a weekday. Without them, we would not have been able to get to our photoshoot locations on time.

Oh, and do you see Jerry's wide smile in this photo?

Just the day before, his stitches came out and he was finally able to smile on the morning of our photoshoot. It was the first time I'd seen him smile since we were at the skatepark.

From the left: Jensen, the photographer's assistant. And Arsen, the photographer. 

Sadly, when the photos were completed, we found that we did not like any of them. Not because Arsen isn't a good photographer, but mainly because none of the shots were really taken in the kind of style we wanted (warm, natural, romantic). 

Thankfully, Sophia was very professional about it and offered to let us reshoot the entire thing. 

So that's what we'll be doing this coming Sunday... 

All the invites were done in a matter of two days.

Each invite took us about five minutes to put together. Fortunately, this isn't a big affair, so we were not overwhelmed by the invitations.

The bridesmaid dresses from TheBMDshop arrived within a day and Amanda and Talia got to try them on Saturday. They were perfect!

Pretty much everything is going smoothly and I truly don't have to worry about anything at all! 

I'm gonna miss my family when they're back in the States and I'm still here in Singapore, but at least I won't really be alone. I think being married helps. I've never actually thought about how I'd feel once my parents return, but now that I'm typing this out, I can see why God had me meet Jerry now...

I didn't even imagine that I could possibly feel this lonely, but thankfully God foresaw all of this and provided me with a husband to comfort me...

I am just so amazed that despite me failing Him and being such a pain, God is still willing to not only stand by me; in the midst of everything, He is still wanting to bless me. How wonderful and merciful is He!!!

To my future self reading this post again: I want to remind you of how God's grace truly has no bounds. 

You didn't think you needed anyone, but God sent you someone when you least expected it. He already knew that when your parents leave Singapore, you'd miss their noise, and so He took care of that. 

God is faithful!

When wedding preparations needed to be done, God did them all for you. You did not have to fret about anything at all.

God provides!

You used to worry about Jerry's spiritual growth. Has He not put His Spirit in Jerry's heart? 

God leads!

And now as the wedding day draws near and fear of the future tries to creep up on you... (well this is getting weird cause my future self is supposed to be reading this eh?)

Anyway...

God knows. He cares and He is always listening. He knows all your faults and weaknesses and He will not give you more than you can handle. He will always give you something to hope for and you do not have to worry about what the future holds because He has already taken care of it. All you have to do is to sit obediently at His feet, serving patiently and resting in the shadow of His wings. He will bring you good and not harm... 

Amen!!!

Locked By Fear

Last Friday, I finally went for an urban again, after a three-month long hiatus. 

It was pretty fun. We skated from Bishan to Khatib along Lentor Avenue. 

Jerry surprised me by showing up halfway on his motorbike just to say hi. That was really sweet of him!

Saturday afternoon, we attended Bozhi and Theng Hoon's wedding held at the Church of God along Bedok Road. 

I was so touched by the look on Bozhi's face as he watched his bride walk in through the doors. Even though this is their third ceremony (they already had one in China and one in Malaysia), he still had that look of utter... Hmmm.... how should I describe the look on his face?

I guess this verse in Psalm 45:11 comes to mind: "The king is enthralled with your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord"

Then after the wedding ceremony was over, we dropped by East Coast Park for an impromptu walk by the beach. Just couldn't resist the beautiful sunny sky!

Here's a photo of us at the place where we first met and have spent so much time skating alongside each other.




I guess, even as time goes by, I am still feeling locked by fear. Fear of the future in so many ways. This fear is crippling me from working hard and from being the woman of faith I know God wants me to be. I spent all day in bed yesterday just thinking about all the possible ways I could fail in this upcoming week and it made me not even want to move.

Dear God, I know all these feelings of defeat are just lies. Please help me and save me from these lies. Help me to walk forward in faith and not in fear. I need your help, you are the only one who can keep me from harm! In Jesus' Name, Amen.