Easter Time

Went to the Bronx on Thursday with girls from Bible study at school. We were there to visit Khadeen's mom in the hospital.

What a humbling experience it was, to be reminded that good health is a blessing from God. While we prayed together in the ICU, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by it all... The tubes, the smile in her mom's eyes despite the pain, Khadeen's quiet strength, our shuffling feet, the beeping machines... All the troubles in the world seemed to diminish in comparison to what I saw and felt.

I got home feeling drained from the four hour commute.

Drove back home from school on Saturday afternoon to play with the boys.

In the evening my mom and I went to Lowes to pick up some new flowers to plant in front of the house. She did all the digging because I hate earthworms.

This morning at Easter service, the pastor basically talked about Christ's resurrection giving us victory over death, sinful behaviour, etc.; it also gives us power over past sins and peace concerning the unknown future.

I guess what I've been feeling recently is inadequacy. I feel as if I don't deserve to come close to God, because of what happened between my roommates and I and various other things.

Every time I open the Bible, I read things like "and the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful" (2 Timothy 2:24).

Verses like that just cut right to my heart when I think about how I have to battle with resentment and counting wrongs each time I see or hear my roommate in the dorm. Not only that, but I feel like I haven't been fed spiritual food recently because I haven't been surrounded by a lot of Christian friends. Instead, I've been hanging out with lots of anti-Christian lifestyle people in an effort to reach out to them.

After all this time, I feel like I am just drifting further and further away from God. I really don't want to end up in a place where I've become numb to sin.

In any case, the rest of the family just arrived for Easter dinner.

Gotta go!