Late Night Thoughts

It is a little late to be blogging, but I just feel like it right now.

Spring is definitely here.

Another spring...

Will this be my last, or just another one in a long succession of future springs?

Who knows?

Anyway I guess the reason why I suddenly feel like blogging even though I already wrote a post earlier today is to update on those previous thoughts.

I actually just finished reading tonight's devotions and the Bible verses that come with it; but the cool thing is these few sentences in last night's devotion (that I somehow missed because I messed up the dates). They seem to speak directly to my situation with impatience: "There are times we don't get it as quickly as we'd like. Often we have to be told over and over again to do something. Sometimes we're asked the same questions, only phrased a little differently to make sure we truly understand."

Wow!

I felt like God was saying to me, "look, this is why you should be patient with other people even though you think they're just asking dumb questions over and again."

This is really incredible because when I first started reading, I somehow felt further from God in spirit and I didn't seem to be able to hear anything that spoke to me. Frustration and irritation still lurked in me somewhere.

Then I tried to pray but it seemed really hard to just even close my eyes and bow my head. But I finally did. And then after asking God to change my heart, the words came pouring out.

Forgive me. Speak to me. Make real Your Word to me tonight!

After praying, I returned to my reading and instantly felt the difference. His voice was clear and everything made sense and had meaning again.

Then my song playlist started playing the song 耶和华是爱 and I could feel my heart just sink into the comfort of His arms and His peace come in.

I realised that this is what I've been missing this whole week. Because I've been so tired by the time I get to reading my Bible at night, my heart hasn't been totally in the right place. I let the stress and tiredness affect the quiet times I so cherish with my God. No wonder my soul felt so easily irritated and restless.

I really can't wait for this Sunday to come.

But on that note, this will be an interesting weekend.

I had invited a few friends from track to come over to stay and play at home with me this Saturday, Sunday. I wonder how they'd feel about going to church Sunday morning? Only Khadeen and I are Christians among them. The other two are almost entirely indifferent and the third one loves to make fun of my faith.

Can I be myself in church this Sunday without worrying about what they think about me?

When I'm in church, I cry a lot. I just get so overwhelmed about a lot of "little things". Sometimes even just feeling a person next to me get moved by the Holy Spirit gets my tears going.

Well, perhaps it's not just mere coincidence that tonight's devotion also reads: "tell God that you sometimes care too much about what others think. Ask for his help in getting past that simply to concentrate on pleasing Him with your entire life."

Yes!