Fight My Losing Battle

I've never fought in a physical war before, but everyday I fight a spiritual war. Everyday the enemy waits for an opportunity to come at me- and when he sees an opening, he sweeps right in with his darts and arrows and tries to kill me.

Sometimes I huddle in fear. Sometimes I fall prey. When that happens, I feel like the ultimate failure... I think to myself: where are you, God?

But I know deep inside that it's not God who's failed to protect me.

God's been very specific in His Word:

"Flee from sexual immorality..." (1 Corinthians 6:18)

"Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry." (1 Corinthians 10:14)

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness." (1 Timothy 6:11)

"Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22)

He never called us to try to withstand the devil's schemes. We are told to run away as fast as we can, to find refuge under the wings of the Almighty God!

But sometimes I stand so mesmerised that running away is the last thing I feel like doing at the moment.

It's like in those scenes in movies like 2012 or Day After Tomorrow where people are standing in the street staring at the oncoming tornado or tsunami, so entranced by what they are seeing that they're not even attempting to run away.

But that's how the fish gets caught doesn't it?

It sees something interesting in the water, swims after it, thinks it looks tasty, bites it, swallows it...... then gets hooked!

I am so tired of getting hooked. I'm not perfect- I seem to be one of the most gullible and stupid fishes in the pond ever; and it stumps me as to why Jesus would ever want to keep forgiving and pursuing me. But He does! And I am honestly sick of this vicious hooking cycle.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

Dear God, this is obviously a battle that I seem to be losing. Each time I crawl up again, I feel weak and lose confidence at the sight of the enemy. He pushes me over and laughs when I fall. Holy Spirit, will you fight my battles for me? Will you be my shield and rampart? When the enemy comes at me, will you extinguish his arrows? Forgive me for not running to You and for following the desires of my evil heart. Change my heart oh God! Make it ever true... In Jesus' name, Amen!