It's two in the morning and I've got church in a few hours. But before I go to bed, I've had to sort a lot of things out with God. And now that all my questions have been answered, all that's left is for me to stop being so frustrated at things that I cannot control, and just give them up to God.
As much as it hurts to die inside again, I am looking forward to tomorrow. The reason why I've even come so far in the past few years is because God's been pruning me and molding me into something new. So death is not a new concept to me. It still hurts. It still stinks when I have to give up something, when a piece of me just dies...... Wilts and falls off.
But when an empty space is made in my soul- that's another space that the Holy Spirit can pour His love, joy and peace into. So what else can I do but praise God for His wisdom?
In His wisdom, He brings about circumstances in my life that usually leave me shaking my head in puzzlement. But later, He reveals that they were actually planned and placed situations to either teach me, perfect me or protect me.
I know that sometime soon, I will likely look back and feel stupid for feeling frustrated at things that were meant for my good.
No one likes to eat vegetables or medicine. But they bring about nutrition and healing.
So I find myself here on my knees again... Caught up in grace like an avalanche.
God if it takes a million deaths to get to You, so be it. Each time I try to satiate my spiritual hunger on things of this world, may You pry it out of my hands and throw it far away from me! And then, may You come and bring me the healing that I so desperately need and crave. Every inch of me longs for You. This burning in my heart for You- let it never be quenched!
I guess, right now can never be too soon to begin on a prayerful journey towards victory.
In Jesus' name! Amen!
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