Not My Will

I just got home from the meet and it's pretty late (one and a half hours past bedtime). I did badly, which is just as well since another bad experience in my book means one more reason for me to push myself at practice and during my own runs.

Yes that's right.

"Down" days are really your "up" days. Without those "down" days, you may never get the same motivation as you might if you kept having good days in a row.

Another thing that I've been considering lately is what I want to do after I graduate. Not what career path I'll be choosing or what job I'll be applying for, but rather what will I specifically do with my life.

Of course the first thing that popped into my mind was moving to Seattle or back to Singapore. Heck, I'd love to join the Peace Corps and move to Ukraine. But something else hit me as I listened to the radio, driving home through the quiet streets. No matter what plans I make for tomorrow, is it really up to me? How will I even know that I'll still be around tomorrow? Some people say that your life is what you make it out to be.

True enough, but to a certain extent I think.

It's just, our abilities are so limited. You can write a brilliant resume, send it out to a hundred places, but you can't make an interviewer call you back. They may not call you back for millions of uncontrollable circumstances.

You may dress well, learn to cook, be a wonderful person. Be in all the right places at the right time. But can you really control who you will meet?

As with anything in life, our full effort in the truest sincere form is necessary. However, it is not everything. If life were truly what we made it to be, it would be a lot different for most people don't you think?

I have entrusted these "million circumstances" to Him. I now know that no matter what plans I make, it is not really up to me. Rather, I choose to put my faith in God and live one day at a time.

I make mistakes of course.

Just made some big ones recently, actually. But life goes on and I know He's always there watching out for me. I'm so grateful to have the best Father in the whole universe.

I know some of you out there feel the same way.

Goodnight.