Tuesday, September 19, 2017

One Month Into The Move

I should probably be sleeping, but my thoughts are keeping my tired body awake as usual. The move has been going very smoothly so far with plenty of answered prayers. If anything, the past four years of marriage and moving has truly solidified my belief that God ALWAYS provides EXACTLY what we need at exactly the RIGHT TIME. I wake up each day knowing that without Him, I cannot make a single decision nor get through the day.

A few things have been bothering me however.

First of all, this feeling that I need to get a new Bible won't go away. Yet I can't seem to get a clear answer on which version I should be getting. The one that I've used this whole time has some torn pieces and the publisher doesn't print the version anymore.

Secondly, moving back in with my mom has really put a strain back on our relationship. We do just fine when we are miles apart. But our polar-opposite personalities seem to throw us into conflicts every few minutes. I've been working on having self-control with what I say and how I behave when I am irked. However, it hasn't been easy and I find myself mentally and emotionally drained each day with no privacy and space to recharge. The good news is, we'll be moving in to our own place this week. Hopefully I can put that "privacy and space" to good use and start being a "good daughter" again.

Thirdly, I've been feeling (again, "feeling". All deez feelingz!) lonely in communities of people. This includes church. I just feel like I don't belong and that nobody understands. I don't feel like any group of people like or can accept the real genuine me at the moment. This feeling drives me to withdraw further. I suppose this is why I haven't been posting much on social media- because I feel like people just won't "get it'.

Is it me? Is this a temporary feeling? What are you trying to teach me here, Lord?

Ok as I typed that, this verse came to mind: "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." (John 15:4 ESV)