Running Again

Last week I could barely run 17 minutes straight without stopping to walk- and even after stopping I would feel really light-headed and dizzy.

This week I told myself to stop trying to run at the same speed that I used to back in May (7:45/mile pace) so I've been running at 10:00/mile pace since Monday in an attempt to lengthen my running times. On Monday I actually managed to run for 30mins. Lots of self-doubt that day, but I prayed about it and God pulled me through. By Wednesday I felt a whole lot better and ran up to 40mins.

The weather has been rather hot around 33 Celsius and semi-humid, but eh, I figured it would be worse in Singapore so I might as well enjoy what I can now.

Just to put on my shoes everyday is such a huge struggle for me, but reading track news and Facebook status updates from the trackies really motivates me. Makes me want to get my lazy butt out there and keep pounding.

Six Flags, Challenger Baseball & Inception

WHAT A WEEKEND!

I should be in bed right now, catching some Z's before this upcoming week starts, but I decided not to procrastinate blogging about this weekend instead.

On Saturday, I went to Six Flags with some trackies and we were basically there from noon till night when the park closed.

Our very first ride was the awesome Kingda Ka- which goes 128mph, straight up and straight down. Two people in our group had never been on it before and were really freaked out just looking at the coaster while we were waiting in line.

Fortunately, they survived the ride.

The rest of the day was just spent going from coaster to coaster to coaster.

At the end of it all, we were so tired that we just crashed on the way home. "Crashed" meaning "fell asleep" of course.

To everybody's delight, Rob's wonderful mother cooked us a nice hot meal and we got to fill our empty bellies with hot wings, pasta and marinated cucumber slices.

Food always tastes better when you're hungry!

I barely got any sleep last night because by the time I got home, it was pretty late and I had to get up early this morning for church.

After church today, I went with our young adult's group, C.L.I.M.B. to help out at an event called Challenger Baseball. We were there to play alongside disabled children who would normally not be able to play a regular game of baseball.

The kid that Steph and I got assigned to was such a cutie. I was really impressed with his attention span actually. At his age, I would not have been as calm as he was on the field. Instead of watching the pitcher, I would probably be running around, messing up other people's game.

Yet he was able to stand there and play despite the hordes of gnats and sandflies buzzing around our heads.

I, on the other hand, was whipping my ponytail back and forth like a horse's tail- trying to sweep all the flies out of my face.

Needless to say, we all had a blast.

I actually really enjoyed watching all the kids play because it was just such a positive environment to be in. All the adults were encouraging, caring and loving. If all kids had parents like those kids had, this world would be such an amazing place!

After Challenger Baseball, I headed to Steph's place so we could watch the movie "Inception" together in the basement.

Got there just in time to watch a beautiful sun setting in the horizon.

I really really love C.L.I.M.B. activities and wish we could do something fun like this movie night everyday.

I know I said this before, but being around Christians is such a different environment- in a good way.

While we were in Six Flags, I'd actually noticed many people walking around with Christian T-shirts on. I started to think it was really odd (but SO COOL) when I heard a rollercoaster-full of people humming a MercyMe song together.

I saw the lady standing next to us in line wearing a Star 99.1 T-shirt and so I asked her about it since I listen to that Christian radio station too. It turned out that there was actually a Star 99.1 event- a MercyMe concert, happening in Six Flags on Saturday!

I was like: whhaaaaaattttt??? COOOOLLLL!!!!!

I had heard about this event on the radio but never really thought about it since I was sure I wasn't going to be going to Six Flags on that weekend anyway. But there I was, in Six Flags, on the same day as the concert!

Sadly, none of my trackie pals wanted to watch the concert at all. Not even for five minutes. They just weren't a whole lot interested in the Jesus thing I guess. But no matter, they will be someday! I believe in the transforming power of the Holy Spirit :)

When I found out the reason why there were so many people wearing Christian T-shirts in Six Flags that day, it kind of gave me goosebumps for two reasons.

The first was that I had actually thought about wearing my C.L.I.M.B. T-shirt to Six Flags on Saturday but decided not to because I didn't want to make the trackies feel uncomfortable. I regretted that decision when I got to the park.

Secondly, I had prayed the night before for God to surround us when we were in Six Flags so that nothing would go wrong and that I would watch my thoughts, actions and behaviour around my teammates as an example for Christ.

Talk about surrounding us... Hahaha.

God really delivered!

Formal & College

Today was such a (for lack of a better word) crazy day.

I went to my last college classes ever, ate some really good pepperoni flatbread with Brazilian sauce and went to the school's junior/senior formal with trackies in the evening.

Getting ready for the formal was so hectic! Everybody really put in effort to look great tonight.

Fortunately when we got there, the food didn't disappoint. At least not in the beginning.

We were all starving and I was kind of mad at myself for wearing such a tight dress that I couldn't eat that much.

I find it amazing how God somehow dropped me in this college, landed me a place in the track team and found me all these wonderful friends. No one can ever put a price on the memories and experiences I've gotten over the past four years here. If I could do it all again, I really think I would.

Tonight at the formal as we were all dancing and I looked around, I realised that I'll probably never get to hang out with my teammies like this ever again. All of us are so young now and so sheltered. No kids, no responsibilities......

Time is flying and I don't want graduation to come but I know it is coming with the speed of an express train.

College was truly a mad experience. Mad fun that is. I look back and cannot believe all of the things I've learnt/did for the first time/gained from these four years- all thanks to a few twists of fate, a.k.a. God's guiding hands.

I am so glad that I am blogging about these things now so that if I ever doubt someday that God's plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, I can look back and remember how greatly He's blessed me these four years. The friends, memories, laughter...... All these things last a lifetime.

The Countdown Begins...

Since I haven't blogged since Wednesday, here's a fast recap in pictures of what I've been up to.

Thursday- I thought classes would never end.

Friday- Peacock Palooza. A really fun school event where bands come to play and we get free stuff like T-shirts, sunglasses and ice-cream!

Went last minute shopping for the upcoming formal that evening.

Saturday- My mom and brothers came to watch me run (for the first and last time) at our MAAC Outdoor Championships. It was the first day of the championships and I was running the 3,000m steeplechase.

In case you're wondering, I did horribly and was about 10 seconds away from my personal record of 12:09mins. Boo hoo hoo!

Went to Chillis that night for dinner with the girls.

Sunday (today)- Final day of our MAAC Outdoor championships. The girls' team won again (we won Indoor season back in February) with a total score of 250 points!

Also, I finally managed to break 20mins in the 5,000m run. I came in at 19:43mins, which is 29 seconds faster than my personal record at 20:11mins. I know I'm supposed to be really happy with that time, but honestly, I'm not. I wish I had broken 20mins earlier in the season because I've been running for FOUR years now and to not break it earlier is really sad.

But, okay okay.

I must be grateful!

WE ARE SO HAPPY!

And I'm a little bit shocked because I didn't expect the girls to win Outdoor and Indoor season! This is the first time the girls' team from our school has won the MAAC championships ever.

You know, God works in mysterious ways.

On Saturday before my race, I prayed to God that He would help me run a 11:30min 3k steeplechase. However I also prayed "if I win, I praise you. If I lose, I praise you. Either way, I will praise you".

Took that prayer from the movie Facing The Giants.

I was really disappointed when I didn't even come in close to breaking 12mins on Saturday and didn't even feel like racing the next day anymore.

But fast forward to Sunday and the most unexpectedly good things happened... Great awesome weather, lots of fun with my teammates, a new PR and two championship titles as a team!

:)

Thank you thank you thank you God!

Even though I keep questioning and failing you, you never failed me. Forgive me for always underestimating You!

And, on that note, I am so NOT ready to graduate!

Tomorrow is the junior/senior formal and even though I can't wait for it to get here, I know it will be over in a heartbeat. School will be over in a heartbeat.

Boooo!

All-Nighter

I've been eating a lot lately.

Don't know why. Maybe because of some sort of hidden stress from impending finals?

In any case, mechanical bull riding is the way to burn calories, especially the ones that build on your thighs.

I had a blast last night at our school's All-Nighter event, but I think I'll be paying for it in the days to come......

Life Seems Rosy

Life seems rosy, but it's really not.

Last night, Nat and I went on a late night run to get sushi in New York City.

Had Pinkberry for dessert!

Found *gasp* Calbee crackers in the Korean supermarket.

Empire State Building looks amazing.

Laughed like maniacs at the Baby Gap mannequins in the display window.

Seriously. Could not stop laughing.

Lovely pink tulips scattered all over K-town.

Today's weather was so magnificently warm that we just had to run and play outside.

More spring blooms.

Actual insects!

The best part of today is a tie between a crazy water balloon fight after track practice and bible study in the evening.

This was the first bible study we've had in a few weeks because of various things that came up before. Although something inside me seemed to be fighting against going there today, I came out of it feeling refreshed and glad to be among other Christians again.

We talked about so many things, I can't even begin to transcribe our conversations. But one of the messages that really stood out to me was about trials and temptations. Why?

I found out why when I got back to my dorm room.

Things between my roommates and I really escalated tonight and I felt myself trembling from the great struggle I was going through. I can honestly say I've never felt this angry yet calm at the same time. While my mind sought peace, my flesh craved revenge and spite. My heart yearned for Christ but my hands were literally shaking from not typing out spiteful Facebook statuses to appease my anger.

We had another impromptu roommate meeting which, in my opinion did not start well at all. But by the end of it, I felt God just rest His peace upon my heart. My anger went away and I left humbled by the situation.

It was really quite strange. One moment I felt so overwhelmed by anger that my heart was beginning to hurt. After praying in my head to God to help me (I did this almost unconsciously... it was like my spirit prayed without any words), I suddenly saw my roommate through new eyes. I no longer hated her nor was I looking for things to accuse her with. I just wanted to soothe things over and I could feel my heart just change towards her.

So miraculous. My God is an Awesome God!

I do all this because I love You dear God. You are the only One worth living for. I can't live for myself anymore. My pride? What of it? My face? Dignity? Those things don't mean anything because they can never compare to knowing You. So what if I lose these battles? If You are with me, who can be against me? So Lord, I entrust my battles to You and I ask that Your hand will continue to be with me and upon me. Turn Your face towards me and keep me in Your favour at all times. I humble and quiet myself at Your feet. Save me from the wreck I am. Help me to remember that we fight not against flesh and blood, but against the powers and principalities of darkness. But You O Lord, who are in me, is greater than he who is in this world. Amen.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless." (James 1:26)

A Blur Of Events

I went home this past weekend to spend some time with my family.

Baby brother still the same- engrossed in his video game.

Spent Sunday working on a dress for Nat.

My mom said it looks like a milkmaid's outfit!!! What do you think? Would you wear it out? I would...

Monday evening I went with a small group of trackies to Queens, New York for a track meet. Traffic was really bad on the way and it took us almost an hour and a half to get there.

In the spirit of upcoming Easter, we saw a car with bunny ears on the way.

Although the day had started out with Singapore weather, by the time we got there, the wind had dropped to a chilly 15 Celsius.

My event- the 3,000m steeplechase ended up being cancelled but at least I ran a 4x100m relay just for laughs.

I got home exhausted, mostly mentally and emotionally because even though I didn't have to fight any physical battles on the track, I had to fight spiritual battles within myself. Although outwards I was smiling and laughing and joking around with my teammates, inside I was a mess of thoughts and feelings.

Yes... It's the whole loving your enemy thing again.

To make matters more complicated, this "enemy" happens to be my ex, who is now... my track coach (long story). So not only do we clash in one level but you can imagine how complicated the dynamics are right now.

I am constantly faced with the struggle of having to be nice to him for Christ despite the unfairness of many situations. My gut instinct is always to lash out at him in hate and anger when he says or does stuff to spite me; but I keep reminding myself that I'm a different person now and it is for Jesus Christ that I now live- not my pride.

It is so hard!

It drives me crazy to have to bend over backwards, to not gossip, to swallow my pride and walk straight shoulders squared among all the eyes that are watching me. I feel like everybody is waiting for me to fall and I'm walking on a tightrope. My stomach turns each time and my flesh literally feels like there's something crawling underneath it when this struggle is going on. But I cannot cannot cannot give in!

But other times when I do give in (against my will), I just feel so unworthy, so low and far from God because of certain things I said that were out of place. It's like the perfect way to invite other people's judgment on myself- especially when I so blatantly toot God's horn on a daily basis.

Give me more grace!

Lord, help me to remember that You alone have the right to judge and that You have cast my sins as far as the east is from the west! Help me to run this race with my eyes fixed on the prize, leaving the past behind and forging ahead to take hold of Your victory. I ask in Jesus' name that You will take away any anger, hate or discordant spirit in me and fill me instead with a humble and contrite spirit. Help me to pray sincerely for my enemies and to bless them. May Your hand bless everything that I do, in Jesus' name I pray, thank you... Amen!

On another note, spring is definitely springing forth with the april showers.

It rained all day today and I predict more lovely blooms in the days to come.

So exciting to see green things budding after all these months of wintry gray!

I just got back from watching a school play actually. There was a production of The Little Shop of Horrors and I decided to go watch it because it was the first play I'd ever watched as a little girl and I wanted to see if I would pick up anything new this time.

First of all, I recognised some friends on stage and it was really awesome to watch them transform from ordinary people to bellowing singers. I never knew some of them were so talented! My applause was therefore much more sincere today than at Carnegie Hall last year...

As the plot unfolded, I began to pick out themes as if I were reading a book. I guess that's what being an English minor has done to me- I now naturally analyse every media form in all sorts of thematic contexts.

*spoiler alert in next paragraph*

But what I particularly enjoyed was that this play is very much relevant to the rundown area in Jersey City that we live in. The Little Shop of Horrors is set in Skidrow, a ghetto little town with hardly any prospects for its residents. However when Seymour, who works as an apprentice in a floral shop discovers a fantastic man-eating plant and uses it to gain fame, wealth and power, he is provided with an opportunity to "make it big". It's like the classic rags-to-riches fairytale, except that this one in Skidrow has a twist in it. Seymour's fairy godmother is this man-eating flytrap looking monster plant that keeps demanding "more! more!" and eventually Seymour has to sacrifice to it the very woman for whom he's been sacrificing things for. Obviously, at the end of the play, all the main characters are dead (in the monster plant) and the chorus sings the moral of the story: which is to stop feeding the plant.

On my walk back to the dorms in the soft rain, a thought kept recurring in my head: what are you chasing? What are you living for?

Am I trying to gain more friends? Am I trying to earn lots of money? Am I trying to become well-liked, fashionable, funny, awesome?

Because whatever I'm living for, if it's not the right thing, it's like the monster plant. The more I feed it, the bigger it gets. And even though at the beginning it promises me pleasure, wealth, fame, etc., at the end of it all, it will consume everything that I have and am.

Sigh...

Living for Christ is not easy. I feel as if I'm constantly struggling against myself. But at the end of the struggle there is always a peace that seems to come from nowhere. He always leads me out to greener pastures and still waters.

Thank God for trials for they make us stronger!

Finally An Awesome Day

After handing in my paper yesterday morning, I finally felt as if a heavy weight has been lifted off my head. It's not the last paper of the semester, but it's the last paper that's been due one after another.

Although the weather outside was cold, cloudy and rainy, it was as if the clouds had begun to part inside my head and the sunlight was shining through.

The latter part of the school day passed just magnificently as I was inducted into the English Honours Society. I kind of regret now not joining the Economics Honours Society for certain reasons at the time, but hey at least I got this one on my resume.

At the induction ceremony, they had invited an SPC alumni who graduated as an English major to come speak to us about her time here. As a successful lawyer and writer, she said that she has no regrets about coming to this school because even though it's small and relatively unknown, her time here gave her the confidence that nobody else from all the Ivy Leagues had when she worked on Wall Street.

After giving it some thought, I realised that God had after all placed me in the best school– even better than any other school I could have picked for myself.

During my time here, despite all the things I complain about, I've been given the freedom to motivate myself in ways I never might've been given had I studied elsewhere. When the SPC alumni mentioned how she truly was able to just blossom confidently here, I realised that it was exactly how my time here has been.

Not only that, but I've had the benefit of having a few professors who, like the other teachers that have been stationed throughout my life, were genuinely interested in my development as a student and a person. When I was down, they encouraged me. When I was despondent, they gave me hope. They did not teach me in conventional ways but rather understood that what I needed wasn't so much a teacher but rather something else... that has no title.

I talk to friends who have gone to bigger, better, more prestigious universities and realise that I would never have had such professors had I followed in their footsteps.

How mysterious are God's ways...

Anyway, after an awesome day at practice and a bout of basketball yesterday afternoon, I ended up going with a whole bunch of friends to the nearby Kean University to play dodgeball.

It was a lot of fun! But because I've only had about two hours of sleep for the past two days in a row, I was starting to droop off to sleep on the floor.

Afterwards we went to a diner for some late night nourishment.

Trackies!

By the time my pancakes arrived (these are my friend's pancakes by the way... haha), my mind was so lost up in a dreamy alternate reality. I got home around midnight, thanked God sincerely for this awesome stress-free day and sank into my bed.

Finally, for the first time in I forget how long, I got to sleep in- and I did. For almost twelve hours straight!

I have more papers coming up next week, but I know now the worst is over. Yet at the same time, I'm also aware of how fast graduation is creeping up on me. Although school is stressful and all, I can't help but think about how much I will miss it when I leave. So no matter how much homework I get or how tired I get at track practice, I am going to give it my all and just enjoy every moment, whether good or bad, that God has given to me.

On another note, about my roommate situation, we haven't really bumped into each other since the last meeting. However when I come home and I see one of them here, I will say hi to her and she usually smiles back and says hello in return. I'd say all in all, things are good on my end. I feel that much stronger after God has brought me through that fire.

I feel like singing...

On His wings, on His shoulders

I stand and rejoice!

Neverending

Paper after paper after paper...

These few weeks are just blending into one super long week that never seems to end!

Just when I thought I could sit back and relax a bit, the next big paper arrives. Why does everyone else get nice little three page papers while I get ten and twenty pagers? Even five pages don't seem very much anymore. Five pagers are like chicken nuggets.

I want to sleep, I want to run, I want to rollerblade, I want to hang out and play soccer and swim. I want to do most everything BUT write these papers. And to be honest right now, I just want to breathe without a trail of papers hanging over my head.

Even though I got to spend this weekend hanging out with some trackies, I didn't really enjoy myself because the other half of my mind was constantly thinking about the homework I had to get done. While everyone else was watching TV, I was reading my chapter on law. I was completely regretting inviting everyone over the weekend and felt bad if I had to cancel all of our plans that we had made in advance.

Ok Mindy.

School is a luxury. Work is a lot more stressful and harder than this. Just get through this and when summer comes you can take the well-deserved break you want!

Yes... That's what I tell myself...

But at the back of my head is a little voice that says: if you don't play now, by the time you graduate, you won't have any time to do all the stuff you want to do.

AHH! GO AWAY VOICE!

Dear God, instead of blogging, I know I should be finishing my essay. Instead of harping on other people's faults, I should be concerned only with my own. Instead of bringing up the past, I should be living in the present. Instead of daydreaming, I should be working to reap a harvest. Give me more grace! In Jesus' name I pray, help me who has no other source of help but You. Amen!

Wow... I am such a complainer... And a great excuse-maker.

I should really just Stop. And Write.