Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Love Driving

I've been trying to forget the miserable parts of my life this past weekend.
There was that trip to the mall.

And I saw the most retarded mannequins in my entire life. Whoever designed their clothes/hairstyle needs to be fired like, now.
Tanya found the most amazing pair of jeans.
And so did I.

But we never got them because we're just too broke.
Ah well.

I love driving.
The breeze in my hair... MY music in the stereo... Me controlling the wheel... I love it!
But I haven't pumped my first tank of gas yet so maybe that's why I still love it.

That's all that's happening in my life.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Moving, Experience & My Talented кошка

I had the overwhelming urge to blog (it's like my brain needs to pee or something), so here I am, squeezing out whatever substance I have left in this throbbing head of mine onto this computer screen.

For those of you who haven't been following my storyline (hellooo world!), I've been sleeping in a tent in the basement for the past two weeks because I came back warped in the head from camping in the mountains of Washington for too long.

Tonight however, I've decided to make the giant step of switching from the tent to the couch. Still in the basement, but nonetheless, a saner way of sleeping in a house.

It seems a little sad to be "returning back to civilisation" this way.

Now here's a few dirty secrets.
Well, they're not really secrets but normal people would probably like them to be secrets. Since I'm abnormal I might as well just share it with the rest of the online community.

I haven't been bathing with soap or shampoo ever since I got back two weeks ago. When I was up in the mountains, I washed myself twice in the whole month that I was there with soap and shampoo. My daily bathing ritual up there would usually just involve me jumping into the icy cold river for a few quick rubs then jumping back out. It was like living in the Dark Ages or something. Since I came back, I shampooed once at Tanya's house because I felt bad for her family but that was it. My hair actually feels a lot stronger and healthier now that I've stopped shampooing it.

You already know about sleeping in the tent in the basement.

Let's see. Oh yes.

I love taking afternoon naps outside on the deck. Literally, on the floor. No sleeping bag or blankets or a mattress. I'll just lay out on the floor and konk right out. I didn't think it was anything strange until a few days ago I started hearing my neighbours making comments among themselves (loud enough so I could hear).

"Look at that kid, she just fell asleep right there!"
"Is she asleep? Are you kidding me? She just fell asleep on the floor?"

I guess in today's society, one MUST have a bed to fall asleep.

Actually, this afternoon while I was lying there asleep, I suddenly felt a drop of water on my exposed cheek. I opened my eyes to see that the blue blue skies were now completely overrun by dark clouds that were starting to burst.

Although I was still groggy, I immediately kicked into action and grabbed my laptop, kitten, cage, food bowls, cup, cellphone, kitty toy and raced back into the house. All in a few seconds.

I'm retelling this event just because I felt so cool that I managed to jump right out of deep sleep into action. Don't they do it in the army every morning or something? It takes a lot of mental energy you know!

Never mind.. ignore the dysfunctioning brain...


Here's what else: I love walking everywhere barefoot.
This is a trend that has almost completely died in cities around the world so I suppose I could label it as "weird behaviour" as well.

Why all this strange behaviour? You may carelessly ask without caring to know the answer...

Well, a month of camping in the mountains may sound short to some, but to those who have actually done it, as in, lived in the middle of nowhere in tents (not cabins or houses), you'll understand what I'm going through.

When I first returned to civilisation, I realised how spoiled I was. As in, do I really need shampoo and soap and conditioner to survive? Do I really need mattresses and fluffy pillows and cellphones and makeup and potato chips?

Ok I definitely need the last one.

But the one thing that I took away from my camping experience was to learn to be able to be independent of the material things that burn holes in our wallets today.

I can guarantee you that the next bottle of shampoo that I buy is probably going to last me at least half the year since I won't be damaging my hair with frequent shampoo washes.

I'm boring myself with all this talk about shampoo.

Actually, it doesn't matter what I talk about because in the end I'll still be bored. I had my chance to go out with Tanya for some fun tonight but there would've been drinking and money flying out the window so I decided not to join the funfest.

I'll just sit in my little DEAD SILENT basement and stare into space.

And you can stare at this little video of кошка playing fetch if you want.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Back to Square One

For this whole entire week I've been wallowing in my misery. A few hours ago yet another stone was dropped onto me; the biggest stone yet...

But I want to sing "Holy Holy Holy!".
I commit my life unto you Lord. I am letting go of everything...

I am going to keep running track and looking after myself. I will live according to his wisdom and abandon my own.

I REFUSE to treat myself like crap. I WILL NOT keep crying my eyes out or keep putting depressed thoughts in my head. The Lord has granted me strength a long time ago, and I think it's about time that I accept his grace and mercy into my life.

I am going back to square one, back to the beginning, before I met him, before I left home.
I am going on a journey back to rediscover myself...

The wound is deep and gets deeper as the days go by, but with friends like these:

I'll be just fine.

I am probably getting my license on 20th August. As for my new apartment, I'll probably be moving in within two weeks.

I have faith that at the end of my days, I will look back and thank God for everything he has given me and for every experience he has allowed me to have.

I am letting go with open arms and an open heart...