Anger At The News

I'm so angry right now and my heart is racing like mad. 

Though I'm supposed to be studying, I just gotta write this blog post to release my feelings. 

I just read the Wikipedia page for the recent New Delhi bus rape case that happened in December 2012. It is a much more detailed report on the entire case, with information being pulled from various news sources.

As I was reading about the atrocities that were being done, a white hot flash of anger started welling up in me and I couldn't help but just burst out in tears for the victim and her family. Just thinking about the ordeal she must have went through, and having to fight for her life and dignity afterwards is mind-boggling. The last time I felt this outraged, I was reading The Rape of Nanking and another book about the war atrocities committed by the Nazis during World War II. I remember having my sleep and appetite affected after that. All I wanted was to somehow exact revenge on every single one of those MURDERERS!

Even just now as I was reading, I thought to myself: how would those men like to have the same exact thing done to them! Death penalty is no penalty for them! They should be tortured to death instead! Make them pay!

However in the heat of my anger, I felt a gentle voice say to my heart:

Mindy, this anger you feel your heart right now, just think about how God feels towards ALL sin. He does not differentiate between a gang rape and a malicious gossip. God is HOLY, and He cannot tolerate sin because He is RIGHTEOUS and JUST. So this anger that you feel towards the gang rapists right now, imagine it magnified an infinite number of times, focused on YOU. Yes you, because you were born with sin. You were once a liar, a thief, a murderer and a slanderer. Now think about all those consequences that you imagined for the gang rapists, and think about how you actually deserve all that as well. Okay? Then, think about who Jesus came to save and how He died on the cross for ALL. Don't count yourself a "lesser sinner" than them, because that is not how God sees all men. 

.....


What can I say Lord Jesus? Your ways are higher than my ways, your thoughts higher than my thoughts, as the heavens are higher than the earth. Thank you for giving me an answer about this dilemma in my heart and for correcting my views on it. I pray and ask that You would bring healing to my heart and help me to forgive others as You have forgiven me. I thank You for dying on the cross and paying the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. If You did not die that terrible death and suffer on our behalf, we would have been lost for all eternity. Thank You Father, for providing the Lamb and for Your love that is immeasurable and incomprehensible.

Spiritual Thoughts

 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’" (Matthew 7:21-23) 

"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!" (1 Corinthians 10:12)

Sometimes I lie to myself and think I'm really smart and that I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I mean, I can quote verses and I pray and I read the Bible right? 

According to my actions, I could say that I'm a pretty good Christian... Then I read these verses and realise that no one, not even myself can be a judge of how "good" a Christian I am. 

There's no point in justifying anything I do in the eyes of men because the ultimate judge is God, who sees EVERYTHING, and judges the thoughts and ways of man's HEART. 

For example, sometimes I do good things out of impure intentions like wanting to be praised by other people. Or wanting to seem smarter and better than everyone else. On the outside, it may look good, but on the inside, it is a stench to our Lord Jesus Christ who perfectly embodies humility......

Ottoke?

If people at my workplace don't consider me as a Christian, have I already become a stumbling block to them? 

The reason I ask this question is because my boss said something to me yesterday that got me thinking. He said that he knows a girl that might "actually be more Christian than [me]".

More Christian? I thought aloud to myself: is there such a scale to measure who is more Christian than another?

A few minutes later, while still conversing, my boss then said that he felt like the way I was talking to him was as if I didn't think he was a Christian. He then asserted that he IS one and that only God can judge.

I suppose that means he felt judged as I was talking to him.

Still, 1 Corinthians 5:12 says "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?" 

This puts me in a predicament. If my boss is claiming to be a part of the holy universal church of God, I should be subject to his judgment and vice versa. But this gets more complicated...

He later proceeds to say that some people are in the camp of taking Scripture as Law and he thinks I am one of those people. (I told Eileen I wasn't sure if this was a compliment or not), but one thing is for sure. He distincts himself as one of those people who do NOT consider the Bible as absolute law. Instead, he believes only in loving God and loving others. While I agree with his last statement, I somehow sense that he believes in "Love God & Love others" as much as people believe Obama is a Liberal without understanding what being a Liberal means. 

The irony of it all? I don't know what to say to him because I used to be just like that. Seeing and hearing, but never understanding. 

If you're gonna ask me how I know he doesn't understand? This is how: 

"My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water" (James 3:12)

"By their fruit you will recognise them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?" (Matthew 7:16)

I know because of the fruit he bears. 

"The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlesness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." (Galatians 5:19-24)

These were the very same verses that woke me to my blindness. 

I just can't believe how I used to live in the world and professed to be of Christ, yet I did not resemble anything like His offspring anymore than I look like the child of a blue-eyed Swiss. Now I feel like I'm meeting someone as exasperating as I am. Maybe my boss frustrates me because we are so much like each other. Stubborn, always think we are right, need to argue until we are right...... I see now the depth of patience that others needed to have when they were around me! 

But what now?

I don't know why this week seems so spiritually tough, but even as the battle rages, I will pray and trust that God will put the right words in my mouth and give me courage to speak at the right time. Over all this, I pray I will put love because love speaks louder than any language in the world. 

_________________________________________________________________

One more thing.

I was quite bothered when I looked at my calendar and realised that there was hardly any green (I use green to mark anything I do that concerns Jesus Christ). The greens were mostly all on the weekends. Most of it was orange (work-related) or pink (fun stuff like skating). 

Perhaps I've been spending too much time focusing on the wrong things. It's time for a shift!

Back in the U.S., there was so much green. What happened? I don't know. But I'm gonna make space for God now.

Don't Speak

I've been thinking... 

Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're being judged too quickly. 

These are some examples of what people who hardly know me have said to me recently (if you recognise any of these are your own words, please don't be offended, because I wasn't, and I'm not naming names! So it may not be you...)

"oh, you must not know what it's like in America"

"oh, you must not know where Marine Parade is 'cause you sound ang moh"

"yeah your parents give you a huge allowance right?"

"you must club a lot"

"you're still young, you need to date some people first and get more experience before making decisions"

......

There's always this overwhelming urge to justify myself. Sometimes, I get real fired up in conversations with other people who assume I have no knowledge about what they're talking about. Inside, I'm burning to say: "you idiot, I've been doing that way longer than you! I've experienced it firsthand and you have no idea what you're talking about!" 

Always always, that desire to prove that I am RIGHT and they are WRONG. To show that I am KNOWLEDGEABLE and they are IGNORANT. 

I think my pride has been getting out of hand recently. 

I find myself speaking out of place, at the wrong time. Butting into overheard conversations, offering unwelcome advice and barging into business not my own. 

Isn't it I, whose been the one judging prematurely this whole time? Does it not take one judgmental person to know another?

James 3:8 says "but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." How true a description this has been of my tongue recently!

Dear God, I pray that You will tame this restless evil in my mouth. As a human being, I am not capable of controlling my tongue, let alone my thoughts! So I pray that whatever I think, speak or do will be brought under Your supreme authority. That everything that comes forth from this vessel (my body) will be a blessing to others, edifying and loving in every way. Give me more grace! Give me a spirit of patience, humility, kindness and love. I lay myself low before Your throne O God! If there is any prideful way in me, I ask that You will tear it down, never to be built up again. May I count as loss all things, but boast in Christ alone! Help me to remember that nothing in this short life really matters except doing Your will. Let nothing affect my gaze except to lavish it on Your face dear Jesus! In Your name, Amen. 

Goodbye

Yesterday was the last full day I spent in my house. All the furniture and stuff got packed up this morning and now I'm typing from a hotel room. I know that this may well be the last time I will ever sleep in that bedroom. I have had so many memories there... It was so weird to see it standing empty after the movers had gotten the bed out and everything. 

Goodbyes are so sad yet so exciting at the same time. I don't see what's around the bend, but because of my hope in Christ, I know it is something better! No matter my circumstances, I know my residence in heaven is waiting for me. 

I wonder what Mr. Jobs was thinking during his last few moments. As a professing Buddhist, was he waiting to experience reincarnation? Or perhaps he already felt that he'd achieved nirvana. If that were the case (and I hope not), how horrible the sights he must've seen after leaving earth!

The despair... The lack of hope. 

And not just for Mr. Jobs, but for all people around the world. What a terrible thing it is to place your hope in something your whole life, only to die and realise that it has only led you to ruin and destruction! 

Praise God for revealing Himself to those He loves, for building our faith, giving us hope beyond death and joy despite all circumstances! 

Joy despite all circumstances eh... 

For some reason, I've been gradually getting more and more irritated all day today. It got to the point when I couldn't even eat dinner with my family anymore and had to go lie down in the car by myself. I examined myself and realised that I've just been getting more and more judgmental (again). I keep analysing everything my family says and does- then I get mad when it doesn't match up with God's Word. Of course it doesn't! They're not Christians and we're certainly not all perfect! But my rotten heart still demands this perfection from others. Why? Am I even perfect myself?

Sigh. 

Back In The U.S. of A

The house smelled woody when we first stepped in because the air vents have been turned off for a week now. Everything in my bedroom looks as if I'd never left. It's too quiet outside and very dark. It feels so weird! I'm relieved to be home but I feel like an alien again.

Speaking of feeling like an alien...

Once again I'm reminded that it's not easy being a Christian. Although I live in religion-tolerant countries and do not have to worry about being killed for believing in Jesus Christ, I still feel the weight of persecution from friends and family who think that I'm "too radical", "judgmental" or "too much into that Jesus-thing". It's funny that others view me as being judgmental even when I don't speak to them about their sin. Thing is, I'm too busy fighting my own to point yours out. Could it be however, that when I speak God's Word, the Holy Spirit is convicting you in your spirit?

It's also interesting that some may think I'm "too radical". If only you knew that I don't think I'm "radical" enough!

Luke 9:57-62 describes the cost of following Jesus. If after reading this, you're thinking to yourself how unreasonable Jesus is to not let someone bury his dead father before following Jesus, you're missing the point. What Jesus is saying is: stop giving me your "valid" excuses. I want ALL of you!

Again, Mark 12:30 says "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."

It doesn't say "love me when you stop sinning" or "love me after you graduate" or "love me after you've settled down, saved enough money and taken care of that health problem". Neither does Jesus ask for just your Sundays at church. He wants to be in EVERY area of your life!

And if that is what it means to be "radical", then where does that leave all the not-so-radical people who claim to be Christian but lead comfortable lives where Jesus is only present at certain times of the week?

I just read today in Francis Chan's book Crazy Love that the term "Lukewarm Christian" is an oxymoron. Why? Because if you're lukewarm, you're not a Christian. And if you're a Christian, you will never be lukewarm. See Revelations 3:15-18.

So now, even as I am hated and slandered by many, I will take heart "for just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows" (2 Corinthians 1:5)

All the friends I have ever gained apart from Christ, I count as loss. All the possessions I have will be here today and gone tomorrow. At the end of it all, who else will I have in heaven but You, Lord Jesus? Help me to bear this burden of feeling misunderstood, slandered, beaten and abused. I thank You and rejoice that You have counted me worthy of sharing in Your sufferings! Lift me up in my sadness and bless me with Your presence. In Jesus' Name I pray Amen!

Fireworks, Casey Anthony & A Vision

Fourth of July was yesterday and it went by just like any other old day. I made some salsa but nobody seemed to like it but myself (I think because I put peaches in it and my parents think that's weird).

In the evening, I drove to Palmer Park in Skippack to watch fireworks with a few peeps.

But what was more amazing than the fireworks was the sunset sky.

The air must've been real dirty for the sunset to look that gorgeous! I'm guessing that it's from all the fireworks that have been going off over the past few days.

I didn't get any pictures of the actual fireworks *gasp!*, because right when the fireworks started, I had to go potty and I did not bring my camera with me! Unfortunately, there was a long line and the potties were a long walk from where we were so I couldn't go get my camera.

The fireworks didn't last too long but they were of amazing quality. Many of them I had never seen before and were simply jaw-dropping. On top of that, they were actually exploding right above where I was queuing! But though the view was great, I kept getting ash falling into my eyes.

Lesson learnt: always ALWAYS bring camera with you to potty!

Ok moving on from potty...

Today, as you may already know, Casey Anthony was found not guilty in the death of her three year old daughter despite overwhelming public opinion that she did indeed kill her child and tried to cover up her crime. In the hour right after the verdict was given, my Facebook newsfeed came alive with all sorts of status updates of people infuriated by what they deemed an unfair judgement. Some were less pointed in their remarks and acknowledged the fact that American justice had been served.

To be honest, a lot of the comments got me kind of riled up. I mean, were any of us there when the crime was committed? No. Were any of us privy to every single detail of the Anthonys' lives in the days and years leading up to this? No. So it's safe to say that none of us really knows what happened for sure.

Cliche as it may sound, only God knows. Only He sees, understands and has been there. And therefore, only God can truly pass a right judgement.

So what's with all this hate pouring out on the Internet? That a murderer (like I said we don't even know if the lady killed her daughter) was let go scott free?

Do people realise, that even though Casey Anthony is "free", she will never be able to live life the same way again? She will forever be known as "Casey Anthony- the murderer who got let go scott free". Do you think this kind of life is better than one in an orange jumpsuit?

I don't believe in coincidences. Casey Anthony was not struck down by God for a reason- that only He knows. But I really wish that everyone could just put themselves in her shoes for just a second and not pass judgement on her or call out curses on her. I know what it feels like to be judged- whether I was guilty or not... and it is a terrible terrible heavy burden. If all these people really believed in the karma they talked about then perhaps they would think twice about what they said on and off the record.

Actually I didn't mean to put up such a long post today but that was really sitting on my mind so I had to blog about it.

But what I really wanted to blog about is something that happened to me last week that's quite amazing yet scary at the same time.

Last Thursday while I was doing nothing particularly interesting, a thought suddenly came to my mind that I should pray about my future husband. It was kind of random since marriage was about the furthest thing from my mind at that moment, but I prayed anyway. Later that night, when I was about to leave Pastor Mark's house that I had gone to for dinner, Dorie came up to me and told me that she had a vision of me in a wedding dress. She said she didn't know why but it came to her during the day and she wanted to let me know.

When Dorie said that, I was stunned. Tears came to my eyes- from a mixture of emotions. I can't even begin to explain how I felt, but it was something like having goosebumps in my mind.

Almost immediately, certain doubts began to come into my mind.

"Is this God really saying something or am I just imagining a coincidence?"

"I am SO FAR away from being prepared for marriage, this seems impossible."

Not to mention, I still had guilt hanging over my head from something I mentioned in an earlier post. I wasn't sure that I was so close to God anymore.

But I knew what I had to do and that was to pray, so I did. I asked for God to clearly confirm if it was indeed Him speaking to me and if He is really promising me a marriage in my future.

The very next day, Steph wrote on my Facebook wall: "I thought of you today when i read this: "We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we dont need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we dont yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently)" Romans 8:24-25"

When I saw that, I immediately knew in my heart that it was the confirmation that I had asked for.

That night I went home and told my mom who just so happened to be having late night supper in the kitchen (she rarely does that). I asked her to pray for me and it turns out that she'd BEEN praying about it!

Then I called my dad the next morning and it also turns out that he was praying about it just the week before.

God is so great.

I've been wondering- what's the point of Dorie having a vision at all? God had never really spoken to me so directly through another person's vision before. He usually just speaks through Bible verses, conversations, songs and sermons to me.

But I am starting to see why He did that whole vision shindig. He already foresaw all the doubts and fears that I would be having in the upcoming weeks. He already knew that I would be so shaken in my faith that I am even questioning my position in His kingdom as His child. So He chose to speak in such a obvious way so that I cannot deny one thing: He has a plan for me, a plan to prosper and not to harm me. A plan to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

I am so overwhelmed by His grace... That even though I fell so far, He is ready to forgive. I know that doesn't justify my sins. It kills me inside when I fail my Heavenly Father. I feel like my spirit is torn apart. But I won't let the devil tell me it's over till it's over.

Whoever he is, wherever he is, I guess God will bring us together someday. I get a little scared thinking about it sometimes (what if he's boring, what if he smells funny, what if he's a bum?), so I think I will stop thinking about it and just pray about it in confidence that God has my best interests at heart. If my mom's got high expectations, how much higher must God's be!

A Blur Of Events

I went home this past weekend to spend some time with my family.

Baby brother still the same- engrossed in his video game.

Spent Sunday working on a dress for Nat.

My mom said it looks like a milkmaid's outfit!!! What do you think? Would you wear it out? I would...

Monday evening I went with a small group of trackies to Queens, New York for a track meet. Traffic was really bad on the way and it took us almost an hour and a half to get there.

In the spirit of upcoming Easter, we saw a car with bunny ears on the way.

Although the day had started out with Singapore weather, by the time we got there, the wind had dropped to a chilly 15 Celsius.

My event- the 3,000m steeplechase ended up being cancelled but at least I ran a 4x100m relay just for laughs.

I got home exhausted, mostly mentally and emotionally because even though I didn't have to fight any physical battles on the track, I had to fight spiritual battles within myself. Although outwards I was smiling and laughing and joking around with my teammates, inside I was a mess of thoughts and feelings.

Yes... It's the whole loving your enemy thing again.

To make matters more complicated, this "enemy" happens to be my ex, who is now... my track coach (long story). So not only do we clash in one level but you can imagine how complicated the dynamics are right now.

I am constantly faced with the struggle of having to be nice to him for Christ despite the unfairness of many situations. My gut instinct is always to lash out at him in hate and anger when he says or does stuff to spite me; but I keep reminding myself that I'm a different person now and it is for Jesus Christ that I now live- not my pride.

It is so hard!

It drives me crazy to have to bend over backwards, to not gossip, to swallow my pride and walk straight shoulders squared among all the eyes that are watching me. I feel like everybody is waiting for me to fall and I'm walking on a tightrope. My stomach turns each time and my flesh literally feels like there's something crawling underneath it when this struggle is going on. But I cannot cannot cannot give in!

But other times when I do give in (against my will), I just feel so unworthy, so low and far from God because of certain things I said that were out of place. It's like the perfect way to invite other people's judgment on myself- especially when I so blatantly toot God's horn on a daily basis.

Give me more grace!

Lord, help me to remember that You alone have the right to judge and that You have cast my sins as far as the east is from the west! Help me to run this race with my eyes fixed on the prize, leaving the past behind and forging ahead to take hold of Your victory. I ask in Jesus' name that You will take away any anger, hate or discordant spirit in me and fill me instead with a humble and contrite spirit. Help me to pray sincerely for my enemies and to bless them. May Your hand bless everything that I do, in Jesus' name I pray, thank you... Amen!

On another note, spring is definitely springing forth with the april showers.

It rained all day today and I predict more lovely blooms in the days to come.

So exciting to see green things budding after all these months of wintry gray!

I just got back from watching a school play actually. There was a production of The Little Shop of Horrors and I decided to go watch it because it was the first play I'd ever watched as a little girl and I wanted to see if I would pick up anything new this time.

First of all, I recognised some friends on stage and it was really awesome to watch them transform from ordinary people to bellowing singers. I never knew some of them were so talented! My applause was therefore much more sincere today than at Carnegie Hall last year...

As the plot unfolded, I began to pick out themes as if I were reading a book. I guess that's what being an English minor has done to me- I now naturally analyse every media form in all sorts of thematic contexts.

*spoiler alert in next paragraph*

But what I particularly enjoyed was that this play is very much relevant to the rundown area in Jersey City that we live in. The Little Shop of Horrors is set in Skidrow, a ghetto little town with hardly any prospects for its residents. However when Seymour, who works as an apprentice in a floral shop discovers a fantastic man-eating plant and uses it to gain fame, wealth and power, he is provided with an opportunity to "make it big". It's like the classic rags-to-riches fairytale, except that this one in Skidrow has a twist in it. Seymour's fairy godmother is this man-eating flytrap looking monster plant that keeps demanding "more! more!" and eventually Seymour has to sacrifice to it the very woman for whom he's been sacrificing things for. Obviously, at the end of the play, all the main characters are dead (in the monster plant) and the chorus sings the moral of the story: which is to stop feeding the plant.

On my walk back to the dorms in the soft rain, a thought kept recurring in my head: what are you chasing? What are you living for?

Am I trying to gain more friends? Am I trying to earn lots of money? Am I trying to become well-liked, fashionable, funny, awesome?

Because whatever I'm living for, if it's not the right thing, it's like the monster plant. The more I feed it, the bigger it gets. And even though at the beginning it promises me pleasure, wealth, fame, etc., at the end of it all, it will consume everything that I have and am.

Sigh...

Living for Christ is not easy. I feel as if I'm constantly struggling against myself. But at the end of the struggle there is always a peace that seems to come from nowhere. He always leads me out to greener pastures and still waters.

Thank God for trials for they make us stronger!

Major Conviction

I am so overwhelmed in spirit right now... My heart is pounding and the tears just keep welling.

I just came from a much-dreaded roommate meeting a few minutes ago where my roommates told me that 1) I haven't been contributing to the cleaning and 2) the way I talk is offensive sometimes- especially the way I make off-coloured jokes.

Do I disagree? No. I knew about the cleaning situation (I really haven't been cleaning and I was the one to initiate the cleaning contract) and I know I have overstepped my boundaries in the way that I spoke to my roommates on several occasions. Not just my roommates but just to other people in general. She mentioned that other people talk behind my back about how I say these things that are just so retarded that they make a joke out of how I am Christian.

Oh God that you would just rip this mouth from me! Why do I say things that are just so inconceivably wrong? The guilt that tears through my heart immediately afterwards! People speak of strength but they don't know what kind of strength it takes to walk out of my room, convicted in spirit to the point where I can barely look at my roommates without feeling judgment upon my head.

I have been dreading this meeting all week because I knew that I would be severely tempted to react negatively against all the accusations that would be flung at me. So before I went out to the living room, I prayed that God would just send His Holy Spirit to be with me.

It is true that God will never test you beyond what you can handle.

At one point in the meeting, I was just fighting an urge to slap my roommate in the face and scream "you hypocrite!"

I know right... How very hypocritical of me.

But I hung on to God's Word. I asked for a humble spirit and submitted myself to their demands no matter how unjust or unfair I felt them to be. It was really, really, really, really difficult. For lack of a better adjective. And when my roommate accused me of not living up to my Christian standards (you talk about this and that but you don't even do it yourself), I felt as if I could die.

I literally felt as if a millstone was hung around my neck. Have I caused my roommates to stumble Lord? Is it because of me that they are not drawn to the gospel? I could not fathom it.

So I submitted myself and admitted my wrongs. God gave me the strength to refrain from dwelling on their faults and instead focus on mine.

The meeting ended with me agreeing to their requests and also for us to have platonic relationships from now on. I am just too afraid of saying anything else that may offend them. I think I just need to set that kind of clear boundaries to prevent anymore damage.

I am not sure how they felt about my apologies for being an ass and a hypocrite; I couldn't tell from their expressions... But inside I am so ripped apart. I feel like I really let Christ down in this apartment. I feel so unworthy of His name. I just want to crawl away into a hole and disappear.

I know God disciplines those He loves, but why is it so heavy?

Dear God... I will be still and know that You are God. I will be silent and hide myself away in shame. But I ask that You will work a miracle in my life and cleanse me of this offensive mouth and give me spirit of kindness and forgiveness. Give me grace and fill my heart with love to the overflowing, so that I may not be ashamed because Your perfect love drives out all fear of judgment. Lord help me not to focus on the past, but to live in the present. Thank You for opening my eyes to what I have been doing and saying and continue to humble my spirit. I ask all this in gratefulness... Jehovah Tsidkenu, You are my righteousness! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Now I wish I could I say I am going to bed, but I'm actually going to write a five page history paper...

:)