It's 2:36 in the morning and I'm pretty sure a fever slash cough is on it's way, but still, I'm awake. You know, a sensible person would have probably gone to bed approximately 5 hours ago but noooooo.... Guess I'm not sensible enough.
Anyway, I've been up watching random Youtube videos, spanning from 非诚勿扰 (a Chinese dating variety show) to Meteor Garden episodes, to DDR and skating videos.
While browsing, I started to miss New York City. The feeling came rather suddenly, but I think it was probably inspired by a dream I had last night about being back in the US, driving around in my car and hanging out with my friends there.
I started to think about all the things that I used to do in the city. The places that I used to hang out- Times Square, Central Park, The High Line, LES, St. Mark's, etc... Smells and sounds started to come back to me. The feeling of warm steam drifting up from manholes in the winter. The silent dark waters in between the Manhattan and Brooklyn bridges. All those nights I spent handing out hor d'oeuvres and champagne. It all came back in one mad spinning swirl of memories...
Many memories weren't that pretty at all, to be sure. Yet I do have a tendency of romanticising moments past. I've always said that I could never see myself living in New York City for the long term, but tonight I almost wish as if I were stuck there for another five years.
"Almost", is the key word.
Don't misunderstand me. It's not dissatisfaction with my current life that is driving my nostalgic sentiments right now. NYC was where I really grew up. It was where I lost and found my soul and was where I really transitioned from my teenage years to being a young adult. As I draw closer to turning 25, I can't help but feel sad at leaving my youth behind. That sense of loss I guess, is what's really making me miss even the heady stench of Manhattan's subways in the rain.
So, missing NYC and all, I ended up watching this video:
I haven't watched Gossip Girl for the past two years or so. Pretty much ever since I started going back to church and everything. Just felt that its content was a bit too provocative for me.
Still, I'm not gonna lie. When the first episode of Gossip Girl first came out in 2007, I was a freshman in college and I went nuts for the show because it hit so close to home. I loved everything single thing about it. From the punny lines to the amazing fashion (yes, I was still into the whole fashion shindig then), GG kept my eyes glued to the screen every Wednesday evening.
I felt like Gossip Girl really reflected a portion of my life during those few years and I connected so much with it that it makes me sad to see the show end now, even though I haven't watched it in a while.
Where did the past six years go???????
I really don't know what's around the riverbend. It's always an exciting ride forward, but I hate always having to say goodbye to places, things and people. I feel so torn between Pennsylvania, NYC, Washington State and Singapore all the time.
Dear God, I know this world is not my home. You have opened my eyes to that, having had no choice but to live my past 23 years as a semi-nomad. I've switched living quarters about 15 times in the past 12 years and left pieces of my heart everywhere. I just pray Lord, that You will help me to stay grounded in You, because You are the only person that has not changed throughout my entire life. Yesterday, today, forever, Jesus You are the same. All may change but Jesus will never, Glory to Your Name!