Saturday, December 27, 2008

Pretty Pictures & кошка

Hello everybody. Meet my asian kitty with cat eyes.

I love my kitty very much.

And these are the pictures from last week where Pennsylvanialand (where I am right now) was totally swathed in a blanket of ice.

See! Told you! Frosty wonderland!

So pretty isn't it? Take a closer look...

I sucked the ice off one. It wasn't very tasty.

I also ate one icicle off the chair.

And another from under the table.

The sun was making everything shine shine sparkle!




Poor кошка didn't have any shoes on but I wanted her to experience the feeling of walking on ice.

But I had shoes on.

After a while she decided the ice was actually pretty enjoyable though.

And this was what every blade of grass was covered in.

Don't they look tasty? I had one.

In case you didn't know, I love my silly cat.

I also love Tanya's Christmas tree. See how small and cute it is? My parents bought a tree that was three times the size of the one in the picture, but it looked really ridiculous since we didn't have that many ornaments and it ended up looking very awkward.

I think we should just get a small cute one next year so it'd look at least normal with less ornaments hanging on the tree. Or maybe we should get more ornaments. I don't know. I'm not into the whole tree thing really... I feel bad for the tree.

Why did we have to cut it down just so we could hang plastic crap on it and throw it out later? It could've grown to be tall and big... A home for countless birds and squirrels and bugs... A big shady giant giving out fresh air for the mornings and shadows to hide under during hot afternoons. Instead, it will be burnt along with thousands of others. And all for what?

Sometimes I can't tell anymore if my roads are getting longer or shorter.

They have all started to look the same to me.

I had to work around here during Christmas' Eve. The pretty landscape reminded me of the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon strips in the winter. Please go google them. They are so pretty!!! And funny...

And that's me doing something very productive in the bathroom.

The next morning brought surprises under our funny tree.

Oh he was so thrilled.

Max got a kitchen set, that nemo on the side and a cup from me that he's holding. I think he likes the swirling sparkles inside.


My plans for NYE are still very fuzzy. I have the means, but I don't have the means. You know what I mean? Yesterday morning I was going to be in NYC for NYE. Then come evening, and I decided I was going to the Poconos. Then today it all fell apart and it looks like I may be headed up to NYC again.

Oh why is this such a headache?

To top it all up, I got a reminder that rent has to be paid in a few days.
I still haven't run since my injury. But I went to the Russian banya today and I feel a bit better after a few days of diarrhea, weird sleeping and eating patterns.
I don't know how to feel anymore. I am so out of it. I miss running terribly.
And. I haven't spoken to God in a while. I miss him too.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Yesterday was such a weird day. I went back to my high school for alumni day but most of the teachers whom I wanted to meet had left the school already. I remembered why I hated everyday in that dreary building and that was the end of it.

After stuffing myself with sushi at Minado's Japanese buffet, I spent a very unpleasant night going in and out of the bathroom. Never in my life have I appreciated the clean efficiency of the toiletbowl so much. My temperature flew skywards as I remembered what it was like to be in the wild without any toilets or enough tissue. What if I had diarrhea then? Unwilling to succumb to insanity, I hopped into bed prompty at 2000 and prayed that the pain would die.

Ooh and I'm working today! I couldn't say no because they pay double on holidays.

My tummy condition has improved considerably.

Now I'm just trying to decide what to do for New Year's Eve. Go to Times Square in NYC or go up to the Poconos with Tanya. Or or or or.... BANYA!

I miss you so much banya....

So I've been thinking... and I think I would like to go camping or fishing soon...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Frosty Pennsylvanialand


How do I describe the way I'm feeling right now? How do I translate my emotions into Singaporean-taught British Englund, I mean, English?

Usually I'd just post up pictures in place of a thousand words, but silly me. I left my camera wire things at home in Jersey and now I'm in Pennsylvania so I can't put my pictures onto the computer.

Speaking of Jersey and Pennsylvania.

While I was in Jersey, we had a pretty good snowstorm that covered my entire car in ice and snow. I had to scrape my windows free of the snowy damage before driving down to my parent's in Pennsylvania.

Driving from one state to the other, I saw the landscape change from snow covered roads, to nothing covered nothing, to ice covered everything.

EVERYTHING here in suburban Pennsylvania is covered in ice! Every blade of grass, every dried twig and tree branch... All glossed over and shining in the sun right now! And that's what made me so deliciously happy.

Just looking at all the glittering ice in the bright sun and the blue blue blue skies, the sound of birds chirping and the sound of dripping from the melting icicles hanging everywhere..... Two words popped in my head: Russian Spring. The trees look superduper yummy (and I would know because I ate a few popsicles hanging from the tree) and prettier than any Christmas tree in the departmental stores.

I don't know why. I feel as if God is saying Hi.

Shit I always forget the wires for my camera.
Just when I need them.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Postful of Rhetorical Question Marks

Everyday my life passes me by like a wave. Back and forth, on and on. Life has almost turned into a rhythm, a habit that is unbreakable like a link of chains that stretches into nothingness.

Inevitably we ask ourselves why? Why was I born? Why am I here and what should I do with this life?

Philosophers, theologians.... yabber yabber yabber. That's all they do. On and on about what life should be and why this, why that. Before you know it, they're dead and just another page in our history book and another question on that final exam.

It's overwhelming, the waves and waves of ideas that come with each generation. But onward we tread the paths of destiny, a whole generation of us moving towards an unknown. The known is uncertain and we can't even be certain of certainty. So why try?

Why should we fight wars, have boyfriends, drink kegs of beer, study Math, get a job... why should we be the best that we can be, if we can't even define what "best" means? Why should we do good for others if we don't even know what is good for ourselves? Who can answer these questions so definitely that we'll never ever have to ask another question anymore? Isn't everything in life meaningless then?

We gather riches but we can't enjoy them when we die.
We have as many children as we can but we can't enjoy their company when we die.
We try to get those As, try to get that perfect GPA, try to get that well-paying job, all for what?
So we can avoid pain during this life only to end up in the same place where some starving homeless drugged-up man is heading?

Pointless. Meaningless.

Some call if Faith, others call is self-delusion. So how will you have it? What will you do? You only get this one second, this one chance. There are no second tries, no reruns, U-turns or replay buttons. You run into a wall and you have to face it. You jump into the ocean and you have to swim in it.

Some say that the middle road is possible. But is it really? You can only do one thing at any single moment in time. The only way you can take a middle road is if you do two or more things at the same time. But can you? Do you even know what you're doing right now? Reading this? Are you really?

We all live by faith whether we are atheists or Christians or Buddhists. Because there is nothing we know for certain, why then do we go forward? Why do we keep living, keep pushing, keeping making choices? Because we have the capacity for faith? To believe in something enough to do it. Even when we don't feel our faith, it is there. Every action requires faith to do it. If you did not have faith in your existence, why would you bother looking into the mirror or saving yourself from the fire? You cannot prove your existence can you? Countless philosophers have tried and still they cannot prove anything. Nobody can prove Math's finality of truth either. Human logic is so weak that the best we can do is to acknowledge its weakness.


Is there even a point in asking why?

I live by faith and I've chosen mine. Call me delusional. Whatever.

Whew ok now that's done... On to daily life!

Tomorrow I will take my last final exam and finally get some time to um.. I don't know yet! I went for a job interview at some cafe place and methinks that I got the job. But that's just what I think... not that those thoughts are going to pay me or anything.

Yesterday we had our first real snowfall ever! But the weatherman cheated because early this morning, the bare 1 centimetre of it had melted away in the humid air and all I had left were foggy car windows. So much for white Christmases. Please. Give me a nice frosty blue sky this year and I'll be happy! Though I doubt that's going to happen. I don't think Santa will make it this year either since his homeland is literally falling into pieces as it is. Not that we're missing much anyway. All those toys that he's been putting under the trees recently are just plastic crap that make sounds when you press certain buttons. What did you say? I'm too big to get toys? Oh yeah! I got an Ipod last Christmas ok! Yeah! Plastic and makes sounds!

No no no I'm not complaining... I love my Ipod. Just... why can't Ipods save the world from global warming? And I'd love to type "lol" right now but it doesn't quite go with this post does it?

I know I used to say I loved that global warming was happening because that might mean warmer days; but to be honest, now that I've fallen in love with cold weather, it may not be such a pleasant thing after all. I guess you don't miss the snow until the uh... sky.... warms.. up?

Speaking of more consumer ways, the school trainer encouraged me to get a new pair of running shoes since I've gotten shin splints (if you don't know what this is, just know that it hurts like hell and it's not in a spot that you can massage effectively.... NO! NOT THAT SPOT EITHER! It's on your leg duh... from running... because you know, I run with my legs... Jeez I'm lame). I can't run. So.

I'm going SWIMMING tomorrow! Yay me! Chlorinated water, here I come!

My cat says hi. Though you know, I kind of just made that up, but it's the thought that counts right? Assuming cats can think...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Field & Stream

I was actually about to shut off my computer and go to sleep when the idea of blogging popped into my head as it usually does- out of the blue.

I've been spending the past few days back in Pennsylvania. Good ol' Pennsylvania.

Coming back here actually feels like I'm entering a different country you know? Pennsylvania is so... woodsy and old people driving SUVs slowly and field after field after field... While Jersey is so smelly and everybody under the sun weaving in and out of traffic at an obscene speed and factory after smokestack after landfill after oil refinery.

But to be honest I don't know which I prefer at this point.

I suppose both places are cool in their own ways. I think I've had a Jersey overdose though. Recently I've been really missing Washington State like crazy and seriously contemplating moving there after I graduate college.

I just miss the mountains so much. The clean air, the scenery, the pace of life, the people... everything. Whenever I feel depressed or just slow in the head these days, I remember the way I felt as I watched the start of a 5k race in downtown Seattle- I can't even explain it. The skies were blue, everybody in the crowd was excited yet not in the New York kind of way. People cared, but about the right things.

Too be honest I am getting really tired of Manhattan.

World class city, whatever.

The noise, dirt and confusion cannot triumph cleanliness, order and clean air.

People are so different in the East coast compared to the West. I don't know why any East coaster who's ever been to the West would not want to just pack up their belongings and move there for good.

I can't explain this too well so... I'll leave off.


I finally got my car window fixed on Saturday. While I was waiting at the car dealership, I picked up a magazine that was lying on the coffee table next to me. It was an issue of Field and Stream- a magazine about hunting, fishing, camping and all the other cool outdoorsy stuff that men like to read about.

The weird thing was, as I flipped through the pages, I couldn't stop reading!
I mean, I never ever liked reading about this kind of stuff- how to catch your biggest steelhead, what's the best sleeping bag for cold weather, etc; but now I found myself greedily lapping up the articles. It was so interesting to see how other people did things when it comes to surviving in the wild. I wish I read this magazine earlier before I went off and did my own thing the past two summers.

I have so many thoughts flying through my head right now so I'm sorry if I seem to be spazzing a bit with my thoughts here.

I have three options for New Years' Eve now.

1) Go home and be with the family (really don't want to)
2) Be in Times Square with people (always wanted to)
3) House in the Poconos (mountains in Pennsylvania) with Tanya and pals (really want to)

But as usual, things don't come free and I can't always have what I want.
I guess I'll just wait and see what options I'm left with in a week or two.


I'm getting my fire back. For running. Now that school is done and I've only got 3 more finals left, I'm getting it back. I went for a long long run today around a reservoir and it was very nice. I haven't had those moments in a long time now.

Alright my eyes are failing me and all I can think about is this
Martin's Note.


Monday, December 08, 2008


Yes! This is it! The last stretch!

The last day of classes is tomorrow, then my finals start and they'll end on the 16th...

I have a job interview today in NYC.

A possible job interview tomorrow in NYC.

I also have had zero dollars in my wallet for two days now. (That includes the bank).

Two bills have arrived.

God said hi to me in church yesterday.



No sarcasm here! I just finally realised that there's no point in being upset about being broke and jobless all the time. Obviously things are not going to be easy. Nobody ever had an easy life.

I'm just feeling happy for all the other things that I have in my life.

Cliche but true: things could be a lot worse.

Instead of complaining I am going to be positive about my situations and stop giving everybody sad vibes.

That's it!
In my troubles always I have a Friend and a Comforter, what more could I ask for?

Friday, December 05, 2008

Random Chapstick Talk At Midnight

Wow! Ok... two posts within 24 hours. Haven't done that in a long time.

So here I am with my bowl of strawberries to one side, a warm cup of chamomile with honey, Ugly Betty season 2 on pause and M on Skype.

I've been relaxing here for some time now, you know, cherishing the thought that even though I'm broke and have enough worries to wrinkle my forehead permanently, I'm still able to sit here, laugh at my naughty cat trying to scratch her way out of the box, eat a bowl of strawberries and complain about being cold.

Which by the way, is totally relevant. I still haven't turned the heat on all winter (a fact which I seem to be really proud of) and I pretty much constantly have at least two layers on.

I know. I'm such a different person from the one last year who was wearing flipflops all winter long even in the snow. That person was a retard. I don't even know who she is. I just pretend to know her but really I don't.

This year, I'm always in at least two layers, always wearing my ugly fake Costco UGGS, always having a pair of gloves in my bag.... But actually you know what, I don't carry chapstick around with me anymore.

Santos asked me the other day, "why don't you use chapstick?"

So I pointed at my lips, smiled and replied "look at my fabulous lips. Do I look like I need chapstick?"

Then he rolls his eyes and goes "psh whatever... (and then he does the silent equivalent of a "lol")".

But you know what, it's true. Do we really need chapstick? I mean seriously, I haven't touched moisturiser, chapstick, foot cream, facial masks, facial soap and all that junk for about half a year now. As for facial soap, it's been almost two years now.

And checking with the mirror, nope. I don't see extreme acne nor do I see extreme shine.

So seriously, do we need all that junk?

To be honest I think my lips get more chappy when I used chapstick. Plus you always feel like you just kissed a melting candle or something. Not to mention smelling like bubblegum all the time is sooooo 80s.

Which by the way people, is almost 30 years ago.