I'm back in my dorm and it feels weird to not hear two little boys screaming and playing Nintendo DS downstairs.
Added this cute little fountain water wheel thing to my desk. The sound of running water makes me feel calm and relaxed. I just hope that I don't feel so relaxed that I don't do any homework at all this week.
Today in church, the pastor's message spoke right to me. It was about the importance of reading God's Word daily and just spending quiet time with Him. I feel like after all the questions and guilty prayers I've brought up to the Lord, He's answered me by telling me to simply seek His Word again. Meditate on His Word day and night. I should persevere and not give up on practicing the good I've learnt from my walk with Christ.
Also, as I was walking out of the sanctuary after the service ended, the youth pastor Stretch stopped by and asked me how I was doing. I said "eh" and told him that I've been praying for a year about what to do after college. I mentioned that this was going to be the first major decision in my life that I'm actually consulting God before making any moves, but things just seem to get more and more unclear as the months roll by.
I know that Stretch has the spiritual gift of prophecy. Many years ago, when I moved back to the U.S. for the second time, Stretch came up to me in church the day after I landed and said that God told him to pray for a safe journey for me the night before. I was totally blown away because there was no way Stretch could know that I was flying from Singapore. Nobody on the U.S. side was informed about this, only my Singaporean friends knew that I was leaving for the U.S.. Also, I was shocked that he even knew who I was because I'd only turned up to the youth group about a few times before. I didn't even think that I would be going to church that day, but somehow, Stretch knew to look for me at church that weekend.
Anyway as I was speaking today, I guess Stretch could sense my helplessness and fear, so he lifted me up by telling me that he's seen how God has preserved my life over the years and has blessed me with many gifts. He then said something along the lines of "I believe God could use you in a powerful way". When I heard that, something caught in my throat and I felt a strong tug at my heart. I started turning bleary-eyed and was just really touched in my heart because I truly believed that at that moment, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me through Stretch.
I truly want this week to be drastically different from the one that just ended. I don't want to end up looking back and regretting all the hours I wasted on doing unproductive things. I am going to pray about it and spend some much-needed time with God now.
It may be 01:30 but I really can't go on without God's help this week.
Dear Abba Father, I am coming to You, a little lost, somewhat confused and very unsure about the future. Please help me to leave my feelings of inadequacy, unpreparedness, discouragement and pessimism at Your feet. I leave these burdens with You and instead, take up the yoke which You have prepared for me, for Your burden is light. Your ways are good and Your words bring life to me. I choose life and not death in every matter of my life. I choose wisdom over foolishness and I hold fast to Your statutes. I meditate on Your law day and night. I never let Your precepts leave my mind. At all times Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. You are my shield and my fortress, Your banner over me is love. Mold me and make me a new creation in Christ, filled with the love and power of the Holy Spirit! In Jesus' name I pray with a grateful heart. Amen. Thank You Jesus, soooo much for being there at all times, especially when I needed You most, You never left my side. You are awesome.