36 Weeks & Stuff

Photo credit: my wonderful husband :) 

I'm smiling in the photo, but there aren't many things to smile about. A few things have been going on lately. First of all, Chinese New Year came and went. I didn't visit any of Jerry's relatives this year due to some last minute circumstances but I did get to spend some time visiting my immediate family. It was a long and exhausting weekend.

On Saturday, Jerry's dad was sent to the hospital for a bout of severe coughing that left him breathless. He ended up in the isolation ward for a suspected case of tuberculosis (TB). Unfortunately, he was tested positive. He came home last night and is on medical leave for some time.

The thing that bugs me though is that neither of Jerry's parents seem to be aware of their surroundings... Nobody's wearing face masks and they are coughing and sneezing openly everywhere without covering their mouths. I'm also worried that his dad will skip his medications since he has a habit of doing so. You're NOT supposed to skip any medication during the six months recovery period. It's left me feeling confined to the bedroom. I'm worried that either Jerry's going to catch the disease and pass it to me, or our baby will arrive and be infected soon after. I suddenly feel at a lost as to whether we should continue living in this house or if we should just move out as soon as possible. All my happy baby prepping mood just got dampened REAL fast!

I seriously never saw this coming...

To top it up, Jerry's mom has been acting erratically and doing things she shouldn't be doing. It's left the whole family feeling very worried and upset. Well, except for Jerry who has a lot of faith that God will take care of his mom in the matters we cannot control. But me? I'm struggling with it daily. I go back and forth between feeling angry (why is she still so irresponsible at this age?) and feeling compassionate (God loves her and I should pray for her). It's mentally draining and I even find myself wanting to vent on poor Jerry when he comes home, all tired from work.

I long for peace.

A peace of mind, a reassurance that everything is going to be okay. It is the most precious thing that I could hold on to right now. 

On Sunday in church, we read this verse from John 14:27. It says "My peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, do not be afraid."

Despite everything that is going on, God wants me to not let my heart be disturbed by my circumstances, but to trust Him and to rest in His peace. Honestly, this is easier said than done! But what can I do? He has never failed me...

Being Content

I been thinking a bit more about what I wrote last night. 

Is my heart really being restless right now? What am I still unsatisfied with?

I couldn't figure it out. But when I heard this song again today, I felt like I didn't need to know what I was being unsatisfied with. There is only one thing I need to know: Jesus Christ.

The chorus of this song goes-

The greatest blessing in this life

Is to be able to know God

The greatest blessing in this life

Is to be able to believe in Jesus our Lord

When I look at the riches I have found in Christ, everything in life seems to pale in comparison. If I lose my family, my job, my home today, I can still be joyful, because I can have true contentment and peace in Jesus Christ alone. 

Dear Lord Jesus, help me to be content, resting in You no matter if I'm in health or sickness, in joy or despair. Through sad times and blessed moments, grant me your peace like a river in my heart. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

VBS & C.L.I.M.B. On Mainstreet

I just got home from C.L.I.M.B. (Young adults' Bible study) and VBS (Vacation Bible School) earlier. Don't really feel like blogging; partly because there's too much to talk about and I don't want to pick and choose what to write, and also because I'd much rather clean out the container of cold buffalo wings that's sitting next to me right now.

VBS today was awesome. It's the fourth day now that I've been working with those first graders and I think we've all really warmed up to each other. Today this kid whose name I keep forgetting kept hugging me and telling me how I was his favourite teacher. Of course that was a nice thing to hear, but I didn't want to revel in that. To be honest, the greater reward was seeing the other kid who has been so quiet hiding in his shell all this time slowly come out of his comfort zone. On Monday J just kept sitting there without much emotion on his face. So I prayed that God would use me to help him feel God's love. Bit by bit, little by little, I would just do or say little things to cheer J up. I would purposely call him out in class to let him know that I recognise his existence. And thanks to some miracle God worked, he actually started smiling and dancing yesterday! I was even more astounded today when I saw him try to speak to another kid next to him. And that smile! That smile is so priceless......

I never thought I'd find so much pleasure in other people's children.

I know that sounds weird, but children are just not my thing! They aren't the first people I usually try to hang out with. I used to think they were noisy and annoying. I'm okay with my own cousins or little brothers, but why would I want to bother with other children right?

Now I see that all children are precious in God's eyes. Once I was a child too- and it took very dedicated and caring adults to understand that all I needed was for someone to recognise my existence. All the bad things that I used to say or do that drove adults up the wall was really a cry for help. I was really trying to say: "HERE I AM! I EXIST!" but felt like nobody was listening.

I see now that all these children feel the same way. Some of them may have had their voices beaten or yelled out of them. I may never know. But what I do know is that while I'm in their lives, I want them to know and remember that God loves them. And because God loves me, I can love them too.

After VBS, I immediately went to a short C.L.I.M.B. meeting which was unorthodoxly held by the black ball fountain by the Lansdale train station. We were there to hand out free bottles of clean water to remind people that millions of people go without clean drinking water daily. Not only that, but we were also there to share a bit about the C.L.I.M.B. ministry at our church and what we do.

The usual suspects were there- teenagers, loiterers, people waiting for buses on the way home...

I pray that God will grow the seeds that we planted in their hearts tonight.

So even though I didn't physically do much today, I feel as if I've been working a lot. Working for God that is.

Yet instead of feeling drained, I'm feeling a sort of...... late afternoon sweetness. I don't know what else to call it. I just took a cold shower and it's 37 Celsius out and I'm sitting on my armchair about to swallow all those delicious buffalo wings. I'd say life is good. I did my part today.

How nice it is. This peace, this joy! I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thank you God!

Peaceful Summer Day

Whew I just spent about five hours straight baking a cheesecake and some raspberry linzer bars. It all looks so easy when you step into a store and see cakes and pastries all lined up prettily behind the display. But when you try to actually bake a cake, it's a whole different story.

Well I guess the mixing part is pretty fun, but the cleaning up isn't.

I wonder how much longer will my life be this quiet and peaceful? I have no worries, no stress, no nothing whatsoever but stretches of sunny days ahead. At least that's what it seems right now. I am fully resting in the arms of the Lord... and what a peaceful place it is. How secure, how loving, how beautiful.

Today I just lay out on the deck with Koshka and listened to flies buzzing in the distance as I stared up in the sapphire sky. The air was perfect- not too hot, not too cool. I could feel myself melting into the clouds. The trees were greener than usual......

La la la