Leaving Pru

My resignation letter was handed in on the 1st of August. As I surrendered my work authorization card, I couldn't help but look back fondly on the past four years that I spent working as a financial consultant. The feelings of sadness and nostalgia took me by surprise.

All those days of doing roadshows and meeting up with people. The late nights spent studying for the exams. The synthetic leathery smell as I passed clients their new policy documents in a folder. The acquaintances made in Pru's bustling hallways and conference halls. The sense of accomplishment I felt after receiving my biggest paycheck ever. The sense of fulfilment I felt after completing a claim for a client. The profound sadness knowing that money cannot bring back a life or restore health.

I learnt so much about people, about myself, business, financial planning and about the world in general. I feel simultaneously older from the experience and yet younger by the passion this work has inspired in me.

Looking back, I now see that being a financial consultant wasn't just a job- it was a real privilege. I got a front row seat to the lives of people. I got to know them in a personal way that many others won't. I was paid fairly; according to my efforts. I had so much to gain in terms of knowledge and experience. I was making an impact.

Insurance agents have such a misunderstood role. I am glad that I was on that side of the fence once.

It has been a real privilege.

Thank you.

Update So Far

Finally. 

A Saturday morning that doesn't have me running around town. I'm just going to lie in bed till past 12 and let my aching legs rest. 

The reason why my legs are aching is because I did a roadshow yesterday from 2 till 6 in the afternoon. It was really fun, although it got tiring towards the end. The fun part was getting to meet all sorts of different people. 

In all other areas of my life, things seem to be alright. But I must confess that spiritually, I am struggling. I find that I have very little faith in God. When I pray, I tend to doubt nowadays. It's not good, I know... And I feel guilty for doubting... 

I guess the reason why I doubt these days is because I have not been fully obedient to the Lord. Weird huh? I guess one simply cannot trust if one does not obey. I've come to see that the two come hand-in-hand. Anyway, it's affecting me wanting to pray and read the Bible these days...



..............................................

I'll be turning 25 this year. 

How time flies... I remember being 15 and thinking that my 25 year old friend was really old. It's my turn now!

Hmm... 

I dyed my hair back to a darker brown color last week. 

And that's about all that's new with me :)

January Updates

Kinda lost the motivation to blog nowadays, even though I might have the time and lots of thoughts to pen down. Half of it is due to laziness, while the other half is just due to boredom I suppose. We simply have too many mediums of communication to choose from these days!

Well there are several things that I want to talk about in this catchup/summary post. 

.............................

Firstly, about my new job. 

I'm currently working as a full-time financial consultant and my work involves meeting people, working out their financial goals as well as matching their needs with suitable insurance products. When I first started telling people that I was considering the insurance industry, I received many different reactions. Some were extremely surprised as to why a college graduate like myself would consider entering the fearsome sales industry. Others said I would be well-suited for this type of work since I am generally an outgoing person. 

I don't really have the time or space to write down all the reasons why I felt the insurance business is the ideal industry for me to be in, but one thing is for sure- with every passing day, I am loving it more and more. I feel almost as if this job was made just for me. Not only does it meet all my requirements for a fulfilling career (opportunity to impact people's lives, proper compensation, flexible hours, opportunity to grow, challenging), it's also opening my eyes to a whole new world that I've never seen. Will elaborate on that last point next time. 

Well, as much as I am enjoying my job, I am also beginning to see that it is not an easy one. In many ways, financial consultancy is a lot like farming to me. No matter what the weather is or how tired you are, you just have to be out there in the field working everyday during the sowing seasons. There is no room for excuses and even less for self-pity. The business is your own and you really do reap what you sow. Therefore, no pain no gain. 

.............................

Next, about my two main hobbies outside of work. 

My passion for skating has cooled down quite a bit since last November. I remember how I used to be so excited when Friday nights would roll around. I would enthusiastically organise the skate every week and put in effort to make sure that everyone is able to make it. Nowadays, I don't even bother to check up on who can skate Friday nights or not. Last week, I didn't even show up, well, partly because of the weather and partly because I just wasn't that fired up about it anymore. While I know that my love for skating will probably flare up again someday, I'm quite comfortable leaving my skates in the backseat for now. 

As for DDR, I'm trying my best to control my daily addiction to it and so I haven't played for the past 2 days. I think the longest I managed to go without DDR so far, with the exception of my trip to Xiamen last December, is 4 days. 

Okay the next bit may not be understood by many, but I want to record it anyway. 

This is my progress in DDR since I started on November 9th 2012... 

Week 1: Bsp 6, dsp 8, speed 1.5

Week 2: 1st AA on Rainbow Rainbow dsp

Week 3: Esp 11

Week 4: (Went to Xiamen)

Week 5: FC & AA on dsp 10 song, esp 12

Week 6: FC & AA on LoveShine esp 10

Week 7: Esp 13

Week 8: A on a bdp 6 song

Week 9: Esp 12-13 (super tiring week)

Week 10: Got Extra Stage on my own with 3 AAs and a B, also AA'ed Theory of Eternity esp 12

Week 11 (This week): B on esp 14 songs (Fire Fire & Amalgamation), passed csp 13 songs

*****Terms used:

FC: Full combo

BSP- Basic Single Player, meaning Basic level, playing only on one side of the machine

DSP- Difficult Single Player

ESP- Expert Single Player

CSP- Challenge Single Player

BDP- Basic Double Player, meaning Basic level, playing on both sides of the machine

A/AA- These are grades based on your scores. To get a AA, you must be very rhythmically accurate. Highest is a AAA (pros achieve this grade fairly easily)

My goal in DDR for the upcoming month is to be able to score at least an A on an Esp 15 song. Right now it just seems impossible. The arrows don't even make sense to my eyes, but Steven and Raymond say it's possible, so I'm hoping that they're right! Apparently the top female players in Singapore are able to get a PFC (perfect full combo, probably at least a AA) on an Esp 15 song. Man, if I can achieve that standard soon, I will be so happy! (Cue song: "I'm So Happy"... Hahaha....... Nevermind...)

Sigh.. Whoever would have thought that I'd have this strange addiction to an arcade game 2 years ago?

.............................

Alright, last but not least, my walk with God. 

If I were to be completely honest with myself, I'd say that my spiritual life has more or less taken a backseat. With all the playing, working and skating around Singapore, I've been spending less and less quality time with God. And because of that, I've been finding it more and more difficult to live a pure and blameless life. 

Take for example my mouth. I used to be more loving and kind with my words, but recently I've found that old spiteful and irritable speech popping up unconsciously again. The worst part is, I feel my heart growing immune to it! It's not even about using bad words, but more like the attitude behind my every sentence. Instead of lifting people up and encouraging them, I've been focusing more on pleasing myself. 

I know that this is displeasing to God, but somehow I just feel my heart getting so cold. 

Last Saturday at fellowship, Eileen was talking about feeling like running away from God even when you know you should run towards God instead. I could totally relate to everything she was saying since I've been feeling that way too. 

It's like you know the right thing to do, but somehow you still disobey God and you feel guilty about it. Yet instead of bringing your sins to God and asking Him for forgiveness, you feel overwhelmed by your guilt instead and try to hide from His love and grace.

It's such a struggle, and even now as I'm typing, I still feel torn... 

Dear God, You alone know what is going on inside my heart. I don't even know what to say or what to ask for anymore, but whatever it is, I just want to be close to You again. And if it takes a storm to bring me close to You, I ask that You will send the rain. Help me not to take Your love for granted, but also help me to accept Your unconditional love and forgiveness. I pray for healing in my heart, for all the many hurts that only You know I have suffered. Fill me up once again with Your Holy Spirit so that I may rest in Your peace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

This Is My Father's World

As it turns out, my boss and I have mutually agreed that this Friday, tomorrow in fact, would be the best time for me to end my employment here. He was afraid that I might be too bored in the office next week if I were to leave next Friday instead. 

So, that's it! 

A year of working in this interesting little startup called Feecha. It was a really fun time and I learned some valuable lessons. I think I could even write a book on it if I wanted to. My book would be titled "First Year Out Of College- Lessons Learnt On The First Job". It'll probably be in the self-help section and the chapters would be:

1) First impression counts

2) Always respect your superiors

3) Listen more, talk less

4) Always double and triple check information

5) God is in the details

6) Enjoying work to the fullest

7) Attitude is everything

:)

I'm pretty excited to be starting work in a new place soon and to meet new people! I think that's one of my favourite things about changing jobs, locations, schools, etc... it's that, you get to meet all sorts of new and interesting characters. Although it's hard to be really close friends with all the wonderful people that you meet in life, life is still enriched with just being able to share in their experiences and hearing diverse perspectives on things. 

One thing that is going to be really really interesting about this new place I'm working at is that, they already know who I am. I'll be going in with a label on me already, that I am my father's daughter. I'd expect that people will see me in a different light when I start working there. In fact I already felt it when I walked into the office before. 

People will be expecting me to be smart, productive, precise, considerate, etc. 

I'm starting to feel a bit of pressure build up. 

For the first time in my life, I finally realised- this is what it feels like to be known as your father's daughter! 

As Christians, we don't always think about the fact that we are our Heavenly Father's daughters and sons in such a tangible way. Yes, being a son or daughter of God brings benefits of being known in His Kingdom, but it also brings the responsibility of upholding His good name. 

I don't want to dishonour my earthly father in front of his colleagues, neither do I want to dishonour my Heavenly Father in front of people who know me as a Christian. This is such a huge responsibility, why did I never see the gravity of it before?

I believe this is another lesson that God is teaching me as the days roll by. As a daughter of a king, I should always remember that people will judge my behaviour accordingly. I can no longer live with my own standards, but I must live as the daughter of the King of Kings. 

What a great reminder on a Thursday morning!

Each Month I Become Someone Else

It has been 11 straight days of nonstop dancing, dancing, dancing.

And last night I got my very first AA on a song!!! 

SOOO HAPPY!!! 

On another note, I just told my boss that I'm resigning today. My last day will be 30th November and then after that, it's celebration time! December ought to be fun. 

Weekend In Review

It seems like more and more of my blog posts are just turning into reviews of what I did over the weekend. I suppose that makes sense since I'm working all day during the week anyway. After work, I don't do much besides skating. 

Well last Monday I went with Chen (colleague) to meet up with a prolific user of our app- PG. It was the first time we'd met him offline and I must say, he's not much different from what I thought he'd be like. I could even recognise him off his profile picture! 

We had ramen at a restaurant in Cuppage Plaza that I'd never eaten at before. The restaurant, Gyoza Na Ohsho, is an informal little place on the first floor with a nice selection of ramens cooked by Japanese chefs (served by filippinos). I ordered chili ramen and it cost $12. All the basic ramens cost $12 while the more special ones (I assume they're more special) cost $15. 

Overall I thought this place was pretty good. Cuppage Plaza has a lot of hidden gems I suppose... Gotta explore this area more!

So I've been rollerblading almost every night. Nothing new, I know.

One of my favourite places to skate to when I'm alone is the East Bay Gardens overlooking the Singapore Flyer. It's next to East Coast Park and there is a path that you can take over a bridge towards Marina Barrage.

The reason why I love this place is because it's usually devoid of noisy people. The couples who do come here for "pa tor" are very unassuming in their dark corner benches- leaving me virtually whole peaceful waterfront to myself.  

Tuesday night, the moon was gigantic.

It's so nice to find a place in Singapore that is not crowded (like ECP) yet well-lit enough to feel safe.

Not to mention, the views across the river are quite stunning. 

Can't believe how much the Marina Bay area has transformed in slightly less than a decade.

 All this "wildlife" that's here right now, wasn't here too long ago...

That Tuesday night, my dad and I went on a totally impromptu trip into Johor Bahru, Malaysia for supper. He drove me home from East Bay Gardens to grab my passport before we zoomed over the Woodlands Causeway towards yummy and cheap food.

Went to a street vendor for wanton mee.

Papa decided to try the BBQ grease truck parked on the side.

You get to pick whatever you want before they barbecue it for you. Most of the skewers were seafood skewers.

Even though it was almost midnight, the tables and chairs were mostly filled with Singaporeans. All the cars parked along the side of the road were Singaporean cars as well! 

I don't blame Singaporeans for wanting to eat here though. Look at how much our food costs. And keep in mind that this is in Malaysian ringgit! Divide the amount by 2 for a rough estimate of how much all this costs in Singapore dollars, or divide by 4 for a rough estimate in US dollars.

My dad and I each got a plate of wanton mee.

This bowl of wantons in soup came with it as well.

Our BBQ skewers were amazing.

Everything was dipped in a kind of soy sauce mix which gave it just the right level of saltiness.

Soft shell crabs on a stick. Ate the thing whole.

Love the old school chopsticks.

After getting gas in Malaysia (which is half the price in Singapore), we went back home. I went to sleep about 01:00 that Wednesday morning.

The rest of the week went by like a blur and by the time Saturday arrived, I didn't want to do anything else by relax.

The weather was perfect that afternoon.

The boys had a lot of fun in the pool.

At about 14:30, we started getting ready to go to ECP for their rolerblading lessons. 

I really wanted to skate, but my entire body was aching severely from rollerblading about 40km on Friday night. It was insane! 

Nevertheless, my addiction to skating couldn't keep me from going to ECP where I met this lovely cat.

In the daytime, Xtreme Skate Park is overrun with young kids. And when I say young, I mean anywhere from four to fourteen. Some of the real "pros" in the skate park happen to be plucky seven year olds who don't seem to get the concept of pain or gravity. 

Man, this place makes me feel old...

After some time in the skate park, I wandered off towards the water. Thankfully, the weather was slightly cloudy and breezy. Still, I was sweating like a pig (random thought: do pigs even sweat?).

There was some windsurfing thing going on by Castle Beach.

ECP is always a blast when it's nice out on the weekends!

On Sunday, I cooked borscht for my friends at House of Bread. It's the first time I'd cooked borscht since I came back to Singapore and it turned out quite alright. 

I've never been to Russia, but sometimes I feel like I miss it haha!

After House of Bread, we went to Dave and Sarah's place for a farewell BBQ for them. Dave and Sarah aren't regulars at House of Bread anymore, but I see them at the baptisms and other meetings. They're Americans who are teaching in Singapore, but now they're going back to Virginia. Though I haven't known them for a long time, I've grown to appreciate their presence as shining examples of Christians.

Quite sad to know they're leaving actually... So soon before I've even got to hang out with them more.

Welp, people come and go in this life. But in heaven, we'll be together for all eternity! =)

Just Work & Initial D

Bah. 

The resolution to blog more during the week is always easier said than done. It's already Wednesday and I haven't blogged about a single thing since last week. 

I just came back from dinner with my dad, took a bath and I'm sitting in bed now. Before diving into some Initial D (I'll talk about that later), I better write something.

These days, I've been thinking about what to do after my internship ends in February. Think my contract is up in about three weeks. During these past months, I've learnt a lot about the tech world and how things are run in a small start-up company. However my dad's been hinting for a long time now that I should probably try doing something else. He thinks that they're exploiting me! LOL.

I guess that's what internships are all about essentially.

Cheap labour.

But I don't mind, at least not for now. I'm just soaking it all up and finding out more about what kind of working life I'm likely to flourish in, and what kind I'm likely to perish in.

This is what I've got so far:

1) I don't respond well to negative feedback, however positive feedback gives my productivity level a big boost.

2) I enjoy having big responsibilities but don't care enough for the smaller ones.

3) I can't stay in the office all day or I'll die.

4) I love working with people- the more fun interaction, the better.

Great. 

It's like I'm back to square one. What kind of job would I really do well in then? 

For some reason, as weeks go by, I'm starting to feel that perhaps I'm just not cut out to do this current community manager shindig. I mean, I'm fine with being an intern and everything, but I don't feel like I'm a necessary piece in this start-up. I just don't see how I'm contributing enough to garner a salary.

Anyway, I'm done thinking about this work thing tonight. Don't get me wrong, I still really enjoy this job, I'm just trying to be honest with myself about where this is all going......

Okay anyway!

Yes, it's almost time for INITIAL D- which by the way, is only one of the best manga/animes ever!

I've already watched the entire anime three times (all four stages), and I'm currently re-watching it for the fourth time. Still not sick of it. Each episode is still as exciting as ever. Every time I go out to rollerblade now, the songs just keep playing in my head. If there was ever a time that I missed my Honda Civic EX, it's now. 

Sigh.

Oh yes, speaking of rollerblade, I'm gonna be out every Friday night now, blading from Orchard to MBS. I did it last week and now I can't wait for the next Friday to come! It was AWSUM. Just thinking about it gets my heart pounding. This week there will be more people joining me. Last week it was just Chen and I. *Cue crickets* Haha, but okay it was still fun!

Alright it's past midnightto. 

See ya!

Monthly Report

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the super exclusive, rare exotic species of friend: Ms. Huimin! I don't know about you, but I generally have a pretty hard time trying to get her to come hang out. So meeting up with her for lunch on Tuesday was quite a special event.

I had a terrible craving for ramen that day, so we walked all over Great World City just looking for a reasonably-priced Japanese restaurant. It took us about fifteen minutes of back-and-forth walking, but we finally settled on Bishamon (next to McDonalds). I ordered spicy pork ramen, but was very disappointed in the end. The ramen itself was fine, but the soup was terrible. They shouldn't even call it "spicy" to begin with. Even the instant noodles,  Shin Ramun tastes better!

Huimin's baked pasta tasted slightly better. You could really taste a hint of baked cheese in it. 

Anyway, here's a bit of a digression... This is what you see when you first walk into my office. Yes, it's called Ching Chong *cue snorting laughter*

This is part of the view from the eleventh floor.

The view from another angle.

Yesterday, I went out to dinner with Ashley and her family. We had steamboat at Jpot in Vivocity. 

Besides the laksa soup, my favourite dish of the night has got to be this cute-looking dessert. It's bandung curd with nata de coco and sago seeds! Super yummy and refreshing! I know what you're thinking... It looks very sweet; but actually, the sweetness level tasted just right. 

Wow. This post was just all over the place.

I think my head kinda feels that way too. 

Yesterday, my boss gave me a monthly performance report. In a nutshell, I didn't do well. I've been falling short on quite a few things such as being proactive. I also need to work harder on my communication skills. I realised that a lot of problems really stemmed from my lack of transparency with the work I'm doing. Instead of updating my boss regularly, I've been busy living in my own world while he's wondering if I'm doing any work at all. 

But no worries! I'm grateful for such constructive criticism. Now that I know exactly what I have to work on, all I have to do is improve on those things, right?

Well......

Yesterday and today, I began to feel stressed at work for the first time. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. I started to really feel "responsible". Not that I felt irresponsible before, but I just began to understand how much weight I actually bear in the company. They didn't just hire me for some little internship- I'm actually here to help build something! 

I don't know how to explain it without it coming out wrong either way. 

But basically, the ultimate realisation pointed in a single direction--->

I need God's help. 

Without His guidance, His support, His wisdom, His strength, there is just no way I'm going to be able to survive through the next few months or even years. There are so many things I need to get done at work, but 80% of what I'm doing depends entirely on factors that I cannot control. Who can I turn to to help me then? Only God can help me. Only He can turn dead ends into new beginnings, the desert into a fresh spring. 

Dear God, there are many things that I still do not understand. There are many ways in which I still fall short, but You are perfect and full of wisdom. You are in control of all things- the universe was established by Your Word. I just pray that You will guide my every step as I commit my job and life to You. Help me to see things the way You do. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

The First Shall Be Last

Hey guys... It's been a LONG time since I've blogged with pictures. But really, my life ain't all that exciting. 

Unless you're hanging out with Talia, I guess... During the week that all the Abercrombie models were here, I refused to join in the crowd to go see them. I hate crowds! (And Abercrombie too.) However once the mob subsided, I thought, why not go check out their new flagship store in Singapore? 

Talia decided to chat one of them models up.... Okay, he's really an ex-classmate. 

The store overall was quite intricately laid out. I liked the typical wooden interior. And of course, their perfume filled your nostrils so you really gotta take a deep breath of outside air before going in. What I didn't enjoy though was all the A&F models greeting you EVERYWHERE. It was crazy. You couldn't walk more than five meters without saying hello to at least four or five people. I felt more like I was entering an exclusive club than a store. Feh, I would never be able to shop in peace there!

Saturday, I joined Audrey and her friend for dinner at Absolute Thai in 313 Somerset. The mango salad was whatever-tasting. The green mango wasn't sharp enough. The flavours all kind of fell flat. I don't know what else to say about it. I'm not a food blogger.

The seafood tom yam I guess was the only dish that I kind of enjoyed. To be fair, I had eaten a late lunch and didn't actually have much of an appetite.

We've been hanging out more than usual since it's her school holidays.

Hmm... What does that mean? Our waitress barely serviced us all night. Not that it's a bad thing; but more than hospitality at a restaurant, I prefer good food. 

Sunday passed by like a blur. Before I knew it, it was time for dinner. 

Looks good eh? Sun With Moon in Wheelock Place isn't great though. In my humble opinion, it's not worth a second visit. However they did give us $49 in food vouchers- might as well use them right? They'll be valid starting January 1st, 2012.

See, I've really been seeing a lot of Audrey!

We were actually trying to set someone up with a girl that night. Strangely, I feel too old to be part of such shenanigans. But I don't want to hide away in my own little world. I've actually been putting in more effort in hanging out with people, though I'd really rather just stay home and sleep or read a book. 

*Aaaaallllll byyyyy maaaaselffffffff.... Don't wanna be...*

And it's been raining like crazy everyday. But I guess that's to be expected in December. On a positive note, at least it's cool enough to run in the mornings. 

Here's a peek in my office. Cool right? I love that we don't wear any shoes and that there aren't any cubicles separating us. My computer is the second closest one. 

This week's gonna be a little more busy than usual, but I still love it!

There are other things that I do not love though... Let's just say that I feel tested all day, everyday. And as Talia put it, I'm afraid that I will fail. 

Sigh... 

Sometimes, just thinking the thoughts themselves already makes me feel as if I've already failed. 

It's kinda stupid but I keep worrying that the easier life gets, the further I'm going to get from God. I wonder why some Christians are persecuted, thrown into prison, while others like myself, get to lead such comfortable well-fed lives? 

The Bible tells us that the "last shall be first, and the first shall be last" (Matthew 20:16)

Maybe life is easy for me because God knows that I'm not strong enough right now to suffer like those missionaries in foreign countries. I'm having other troubles already just living day to day. What would I say if my life was on the line, and I was forced to deny Christ? Do I have enough faith? I honestly don't know. I hate imagining those kinds of situations but they still come to mind once in a while. 

People these days look at me like I'm some kind of rich girl just because I live in an expensive place. It makes me sad. I don't feel like I have anything to show off. Instead, I feel quite ashamed when I meet other people who are going through tough times. I'm not saying that I wish that upon myself, I'm not sure if I could handle it. I just wish that people would realise that being "first" in the world is really being "last" in God's eyes. 

Sigh...