24 Weeks Or 6 Months

As of now, I can only fit into two bras, a few shirts, one pair of shorts, two pairs of jeans, about four dresses and that's about it. Dressing for work is a pain (no thanks to ASOS for the shipment that went missing), but casual dressing around the house is great. I'd just slip into Jerry's t-shirt and boxers.

Though I'm a little apprehensive about shopping on ASOS again, I don't feel like I have many other choices. My fruitless searches on Gumtree for secondhand clothing have left me feeling frustrated. Why isn't there anyone out there who wears a UK size 8? Also, I've been hunting around in H&M, Forever 21, etc, hoping to find some stretchy dresses. To my dismay, I found that this shopping season is just not pro-pregnancy at all. The waistline is fashionably placed right in the middle now (where I'm expanding). Stretchy or jersey materials are not the rage and ultimately, I just need something a little more dressy for work. I don't need another casual maxi dress! Maternity shops here offer only expensive clothes and my other dilemma is having to find something that can fit my 5'9" long body. Let me just say, it ain't easy even on ASOS.

On Sunday evening, Jerry and I dropped by the Mothercare store in Harbourfront Centre to officially check out baby things we'll be buying in the months to come. But what I really enjoyed was witnessing Jerry's growing excitement as we went from aisle to aisle. We finally left the store with no purchases but this priceless statement from Jerry: "I think we are going to have a lot of fun with our kid". My sentiments exactly :)

So, I spent some time today on Gumtree looking around for secondhand cots and strollers. I was initially thinking of buying brand new stuff. But when I think about my dad and his habit of using secondhand furniture, I can't help but feel like it's a big waste of money to buy something straight out of the store, especially if we will only be using it for a short while. Babies do outgrow their things very quickly! I'm also determined to save as much money as we can. Who knows what may come in the future? Working in Prudential has definitely made me want to be more prudent in my life.

Oh yes, last night, baby did something really weird. He usually kicks around a little more at night when I'm about to fall asleep. But yesterday, he did this super fast back and forth kicking that made me freak out a little. I had no idea he could move so quickly at this age! Perhaps it was the DDR earlier in the evening that inspired him. Speaking of which, playing DDR this weekend gave me such a great mental boost again. I LOVE being able to sweat and feel happy hormones flooding my brain.

I also did some skating... 

Shhh.... :P

Hung out with some friends... I had a really good time :) Socialising feels soooo great!

Oh baby I really cannot wait till you come out and start skating with us HAHA! Since Eito Yasutoko said his son started skating at age one, I figure you'll be fine starting at eleven months eh? Just kidding... Can't wait to see your cute little face soon.

Oh yes I had a little panicky thought last night. I started thinking about the actual labor process and the pain that would ensue and it made me really anxious all of a sudden. I've actually been pretty calm and cool about it until recently when EVERYBODY keeps asking me if I'm going to do a cesarean or get an epidural. The response from all my supportive friends are uniform when I tell them I'm going au naturel: "ARE YOU CRAZY?! IT'S GONNA HURT LIKE HELL!"

Well for someone who's never been to hell, it's easy to brush them off at first. But you know, I can't help but think: what if I can't handle it? I don't want to faint from the pain or have to do anything drastic!

All this just goes to show- I should just stop discussing the labor process with people. I haven't heard a single "you're gonna be fine" throughout all these discussions. It's making me anxious for no reason and that's it!

21 Weeks

What other mummies have been telling me is true: I am starting to really enjoy feeling my baby kick me.

It felt weird at first and I wasn't used to it for the first few weeks. Whenever he kicked me, it would give me a little shock because I wasn't expecting it. But these days, it feels more natural to me.

Today as he kicked my lower right tummy, I could see the movements through my skin. I quickly reached for my phone to try to take a video but it was too late. I'm sure I'll get to catch him in action someday though!

In the meantime, Jerry has been extremely patient and accommodating to my *ahem* emotional/mental needs. Being a skater himself, he totally understands how much I miss the skatepark. This weekend, he agreed to let me put on my skates just for a little roll around the skatepark. Although I didn't go pumping in the combo bowl, he did (reluctantly) let me go down a flat ramp twice just so I wouldn't feel so miserable. It sounds silly, but just being able to put on my skates did so much for my mood. For the most part though, I just stayed on flat ground and avoided the skateboarding/BMX kids.

But dear baby, although mummy is dying to skate again and can't wait till you're out of the womb, I'm determined to enjoy what few months I have left with you inside me. I hope you'll enjoy the skatepark as much as we do, because if you don't... Well I'm sure you will :)

Locked By Fear

Last Friday, I finally went for an urban again, after a three-month long hiatus. 

It was pretty fun. We skated from Bishan to Khatib along Lentor Avenue. 

Jerry surprised me by showing up halfway on his motorbike just to say hi. That was really sweet of him!

Saturday afternoon, we attended Bozhi and Theng Hoon's wedding held at the Church of God along Bedok Road. 

I was so touched by the look on Bozhi's face as he watched his bride walk in through the doors. Even though this is their third ceremony (they already had one in China and one in Malaysia), he still had that look of utter... Hmmm.... how should I describe the look on his face?

I guess this verse in Psalm 45:11 comes to mind: "The king is enthralled with your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord"

Then after the wedding ceremony was over, we dropped by East Coast Park for an impromptu walk by the beach. Just couldn't resist the beautiful sunny sky!

Here's a photo of us at the place where we first met and have spent so much time skating alongside each other.




I guess, even as time goes by, I am still feeling locked by fear. Fear of the future in so many ways. This fear is crippling me from working hard and from being the woman of faith I know God wants me to be. I spent all day in bed yesterday just thinking about all the possible ways I could fail in this upcoming week and it made me not even want to move.

Dear God, I know all these feelings of defeat are just lies. Please help me and save me from these lies. Help me to walk forward in faith and not in fear. I need your help, you are the only one who can keep me from harm! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

A Month Into Aggressive Inline

Hmm it seems that I have been missing in action here for quite a while......

The reason being: I have found a new addiction!

I know what you're thinking... 

Haven't I always been addicted to rollerblading anyway?

But wait, this is different. 

This time I'm addicted to aggressive inline skating/rollerblading. 

Ever seen videos of people going up and down ramps, grinding on rails and all that fancy stuff? Yeap that's what I've been attempting to learn these days. In Ham's words, it feels a little like "relearning how to walk".

I have so much to learn, it's a bit daunting.

But then again, when I started playing DDR last year, I felt the same way too. It seemed almost impossible that I would ever be able to pass a level 14 song. Yet fast forward 5 months and I am now on to playing level 16 songs. 

I hope it will be the same with aggressive skating. 

I feel really blessed to have met other fantastic aggressive inline skaters who gave me great advice. They're able to point out things that would have taken me months to figure out. 

So yeap. 

Earlier today, or I guess, yesterday night, I was finally able to get out of the combo bowl on my own two feet, as well as land a 180 fakie jump off the island. I've got to keep working on my 180 turns now and learn how to control my speed up the ramp, so that I can start learning how to stall. 

Also need to buy a helmet and wheels so that I can finally attempt to drop down the vertical bowl. 

Ahhhhhh the challenges that lie ahead!

Last Few Weeks Of Being 23

My birthday is coming up next week and I can't help but feel a little sad. As the years roll by and I leave my teenage years behind, I find myself wishing that time could stand still. I know youth is a gift and it doesn't last for long. Like a whisper, it comes and goes. 

I also know that someday in the future, I am going to wake up and realise that I needed to sleep at 9pm not 3am. My bones are going to feel more brittle and my muscles- less responsive. 

Almost all my hobbies involve raising my heart rate to a racing bpm, which is why I dread the day my body fails on me. 

I look at all these young kids around me doing things I wish my fifteen year old body were still around to do. 

So it is with such a mindset that I have been living life. 

Fast-paced. 

No space to breathe. 

Few weeks ago Shirley, two other friends and I went skating/cycling at East Coast Park.

We made it to Bedok Jetty.

And stayed out there moon-gazing for some time.

It was so beautiful, big and bright that night.

On a different day, MingXian drove us both into Johor Bahru, Malaysia. We had lunch at a wanton mee place.

Spent almost two hours grocery shopping in KSL City Mall.

Had dinner at the Bamboo restaurant.

Hung out at Danga Bay after dinner.

Poor MingXian had no choice but to be dragged onto this ride. Even though it was small, it was really fun!

Then we just took a million photos for the rest of the night.

Had a Friday night urban skate as usual to the recently-finished Marina Bay Sands hawker centre.

Met up with the Davidians for our monthly get-togethers.

Went ice-skating with the usual Friday urban crew on a separate Friday.

 

Fell while telling people to "watch out for the curve in front". 

LOL 

Attended Shan Shan's graduation ceremony.

I love graduation ceremonies. I love them even more when they're held in a church with a service and worship before and everything. 

Well, I guess this was my first graduation ceremony that was held in a church with a service and worship before and everything. 

I cried during worship. The songs we sang somehow made me think about how lucky we were with Eric's situation and how God's grace just saves us... weak sinners... I thought about our mission in life and whether I am living out that mission to bring people to Christ. 

Hmm. 

(Note to self: don't wear mascara to church services, graduation or not)

Skated around MBS (yet again) with the three amigos. 

Snacked on the night view.

Finished off with a heavy supper at 126 in Geylang.

This is only one-thirds of the food that we ordered and tried desperately to finish.

On Friday, I went prawning at Farmart with Alu.

And Annie!

Annie had quite a few firsts that morning. 

First time eating MacDonald's breakfast, first time catching a prawn and first time being at Farmart!

Nothing beats eating the prawns you caught. 

Swimming one moment, dead and cooked the next. YUMZ.

So, horrors of horrors. 

I just got back from Skateline's monthly Saturday Night Skate and it was on this fateful night that I dropped my iPhone twice and cracked its screen.

My phone looks like a rat just chewed on it now. 

T^T

The first of the birthday gifts have arrived.

A special chinese recorder-like instrument from Chuan gu & Aunty Pei Leng! 

It's too late to try it now since everybody is sleeping, but I'll probably start chirping away later this morning when I wake up for church.

Gonna be playing the piano at Sunday School later...

I don't know how to explain the rush and mix of emotions that I have right now. But one thing I know: no matter what the situation, no matter how old I am getting or how young I am feeling, my purpose in life is simply to praise God, and I have very good reasons to do so.

All my life Lord, I give it to you! I give all my energy, youth, money and time to the furthering of your kingdom. In every walk of life, I ask that you use me like a vessel to pour forth your Spirit. In every action, word or thought of mine, I pray that you reach out to those who need you most. 

Grace At The Cemetery

I just came home from a really eventful night of rollerblading. 

Tonight, I led a group of ten people on an urban night skate from Bishan MRT station, through Lornie Road past MacRitchie Reservoir, Bukit Brown Cemetery, Botanic Gardens and finally, Orchard. 

I know what you're thinking. 

Bukit Brown Cemetery? 

At night?

ARE YOU CRAZY?!

Here's the thing. 

The shortest way from Lornie Road across PIE to Adam Road is a straight line. There is no connecting bridge and it would have been pretty dangerous for us to cross that way. The safest way to cross instead, would be through Bukit Brown Cemetery and a tunnel at Kheam Hock Road under the PIE. 

That's the real reason why I chose to go through the cemetery. 

______________________________

Anyway, I was feeling rather uneasy about it during the daytime. I woke up thinking about whether it was really a good idea to take this route tonight after all. I don't like cemeteries.

I checked out the route online and the roads seemed okay- not too rough, and definitely safer than jaywalking across the PIE. 

By the time evening had swung around, my apprehension gave way to excitement and anticipation of a wonderful night skate. 

But as we set off from Bishan MRT, I found my pounding heart seeking God's help. I prayed that God would watch over every single person in our group including myself, and that He would send his angels to guard and watch over us. I asked for protection and His presence to surround us, especially in a "dirty" place like the cemetery. Then, I felt His peace rest upon me. 

______________________________

The way up Lornie Road was tiring. 

E & JH, two new skaters that I'd never met until tonight, were having a hard time keeping up with us. I didn't realise that they were unseasoned skaters and that E didn't even know how to brake confidently.

Happily, I continued on my way and led them into Bukit Brown. 

As we were about to exit the cemetery through the tunnel at Kheam Hock Rd, we came to a long slope. It started out gentle, but by the time we were halfway down, we'd picked up enough speed to make any sort of small movement dangerous. Even T-braking caused instability and so it wasn't long before one of us tripped and rolled down the slope in a dramatic way. 

I was right behind WL when he fell, but I felt so calm when I saw the whole thing happen, that I didn't freak out. I simply moved aside as he was in my way and skated down without falling. 

As I braked to a stop, I turned around so that I could check up on WL who was lying on the road. I knew in my heart that he was okay. I saw the way he rolled and rolled metres from the spot where he slid. 

It was a good way to fall.

Low-impact.

What happened next however, was something that none of us saw coming. 

Literally.

I was facing the upslope, when out from nowhere, I saw E flying at top speed towards me. He was headed straight for me and he had his arms stretched out towards me. As he drew closer, I finally understood what he'd been screaming at us the whole time: "I CAN'T BRAKE! I CAN'T BRAKE!"

Casually, I simply took a small step to my left to avoid him. 

A few seconds later, there was a loud crash and a groan. 

E had hit a cement pole on the side of the road to break his fall and he lay on the grass with blood streaming down his face. 

Everybody was stunned and there was a flurry of activity as we all rushed to make sure that he was still conscious. H was E's friend and he was cradling E's head in his hands. At this point, E seemed a bit delirious and he couldn't even remember what happened to him. He kept asking us repeatedly what happened to him. We told him he hit a pole, but he would ask us the same question again a few seconds later. I sensed that E was in shock. Somebody called an ambulance and so we waited for it. 

In the meantime, E's right arm looked broken and it lay in an awkward position above his head. He said he couldn't feel it. 

I actually worried about whether E had enough insurance to cover the ambulance fees...... 

Occupational hazard. Sigh.

As we stood there watching H almost cry over his friend E, I couldn't help but ask God: "Why? Why did you let this happen? Didn't I ask you to keep us safe Lord? Was it because I didn't pray enough? Was it because I doubted?"

I just felt like this whole accident could have been avoided had I 

- not chosen to skate this route tonight

- been more conscious about E & JH's skating abilities

- not stepped aside when E was about to hit me

As all these thoughts swirled around in my head, I suddenly realised a few things. 

Firstly, I felt so calm. I can't explain it. It was as if I were watching a slow motion movie and I had enough time to react to everything that was going on. While H was freaking out over E, my head felt so clear. I was able to remember things that I read in my First Aid book whenever I was in the toilet. 

In that calm state of mind, I thought immediately to remove E's rollerblades. I told H not to move E's arms and to keep his body straight. We used wet wipes to clean his arms and legs so that the salt from his sweat would not agitate him later. H also finally calmed down enough to stop E's facial wound from bleeding further. 

As we stood around waiting for the ambulance to arrive, I realised something else. 

Had WL not fallen earlier, most of us would not have slowed down and kept to the side of the road. We would not have been facing the upslope and therefore been unable to see E coming down at top speed. We could all have gotten into a terrible scrape involving more than just three casualties (JH fell too but sustained only superficial wounds, thank God!!!). 

I felt goosebumps when I realised all these things. 

I saw how close to death I came. 

I avoided not one, but two accidents and they were barely seconds apart. 

Nobody died. 

Somebody could have. 

______________________________

So did God answer my prayer or what?

I think He did. If not for His presence tonight, things could have been a lot worse. I felt, and still feel, that He's watching over me. Over us all. 

Despite my stubbornness in wanting to skate through a cemetery at night, God provided grace. Thank You Lord Jesus... Thank you...

Seoul University & Han River

I really should've finished blogging about Korea within the week that I came back from Seoul, but laziness sure got the better of me. I promise though, that I will be done before this week is over!

This post will be (obviously) be about my little trip to Seoul National University and the Han River.

....................................

I had mentioned my love of mountains to Yeseul and she recommended that I go visit Seoul National University - which is situated in a mountainous area. It seemed like the logical thing to do, since I was already planning to see the campus. I always make it a point to visit a city's main university and Seoul was no exception.

So I left my family to their fun in Lotte World and hopped on a subway towards Seoul National University Station.

I really enjoyed my time hiking around the campus grounds. It took about three hours to walk from the subway station to the highest point of the campus, back to a different subway station on the other side. By the time I reached the highest point, sweat was rolling down the insides of my scarf. Still, the wet and cool weather kept my fingers stuffed inside my coat pockets. 

Light rain discouraged me from taking a gadzillion photos, but I think I wouldn't have taken many photos anyway if the weather were sunny. I was simply too caught up in the thrilling experience of walking and exploring.

The only reason why I paused here at the entrance to take a photo was because I noticed a bunch of tourists pouring out of tour buses to photograph this metal structure. I figured: if they're taking a photo of it, it must be something significant. 

The structure itself made no sense to me. I found out later that it looks like a Korean character. It also looks like a mountain and trees. 

Duh.

Just the sight of mountains in the hazy background made my heart throb with excitement.

Can you tell how starved I feel in Singapore, with our little Bt. Timah Hill? Sigh... And it's only been a year and a half...

SNU's campus grounds is huge. Most students here rely on shuttle buses or drive to get around. I hardly saw anybody walking or riding on bikes. The steep inclines everywhere are obvious deterrents.

Walking past the track, I had a wave of nostalgic sentiment wash over me for a second. I watched the track team pack up to leave from a distance.

I almost wished I could do a set of 10 x 400m right there and then. 

Then, as I recalled the miserable days I'd spent training out in the cold smoggy air of Jersey City, that sentiment quickly disappeared.

My journey took me through throngs of students weaving in and out of buildings. All leisurely heading to their next class or dorms. It felt a bit weird. It was almost like... I was an exchange student exploring the school on my first day. I avoided stares from other students (five of which sounded Singaporean) and found the straightest path I could to a lonelier corner.

I guess I didn't really care about seeing the campus after all. 

I just wanted to feel the light rain on my cheeks... Smell the fresh pine perfume.

I could feel a natural blush coming on. 

The higher up I climbed, the sweatier I was getting. It felt as though I had just gone for a nice long run and I liked it.

A pack of dogs appeared from nowhere and I honestly thought they were some sort of Korean wolf when I first saw them. This whitish guy stood there and stared at me for a good minute. 

Unafraid, uncurious and unyielding.

As his companions slunk away into the trees, I realised that I felt more welcome among them than I did among the students. 

Too many foreigners.

Ain't that the irony!

The views from everywhere were pretty spectacular. I could only dream about what it looks like here in the fall or when all the spring blooms are out. This place is Instagram heaven!

The dorms look a bit drabby from the outside though.

On a different day, I took my skates out for a spin at the Han River.

I was the only person in that entire stretch of asphalt who was rollerblading and that garnered quite a few stares from the hordes of cyclists.

I was glad that the weather forecast was accurate. I had chosen to go on the warmest day of the week. 19 Celsius at its peak.

I was not expecting so much SPACE.

This was the first day that I noticed the severity of Seoul's air pollution.

It was getting hot under my layers of clothing.

I skated towards the west side of the park, away from the Gangnam district. Apparently it's the lesser-pleasant side of the park.

Still thought it looked beautiful in the haze. 

The delusions of a traveller's mind.

The tallest building in Seoul.

As I was looking for an appropriate exit to Noryangjin Station, I had no choice but to approach a local to ask for directions. 

You should have seen us. 

Me - translation app and phrase book in hand. Broken, inaccurate (and often impolite) Korean.

Ahjussi - ZERO English

We had a little conversation for about ten minutes as I was removing my skates. It involved a lot of nodding on my part and plenty of rambling on his.