So many things get in my way... School work, track practice, tiredness, LAZINESS; you name it.
But even though the thought of giving up keeps coming, it's just too late to turn back now. There's not an option for me to drop out of the Honours program anymore. It's literally do or die. My calendar says I've got twenty-one days left till it's due and I've only got THREE pages done so far.
*Tears hair in false panic*
(Because if I were really panicking, I would be burning the midnight oil instead of blogging.)
Today's weather was kind of rainy and grey, but at least the air was warm- almost 15 Celsius. I even got to run in a T-shirt this afternoon. It felt great! Now that the weather is finally turning, I can feel spring coming right around the corner. Yippee!
Bible study in school today got me thinking. God has helped me to overcome certain sinful habits in my life, but am I starting to let myself be tempted by those things again? Things like gossiping, listening to worldly music... I don't want to become enslaved to them all over again!
Furthermore, I am beginning to see that a lot of people in school actually look up to me as a Christian. They often ask me for advice and to pray for them, which actually shocks me when they do so, but it also makes me quite scared.
The Bible says that "not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." (James 3:1)
This really makes me evaluate the way I do a lot of things. For example, when I dress up to go to school in the morning, I try to ask myself "who are you trying to impress?" Then while I'm in class, it's an uphill battle to try to keep from making smartass comments. I've also been looking at my prayer life. Do I pray for others as much as I pray for myself? Am I continuing to grow and mature in Christ or am I content the way I am?
It's like all of a sudden, I feel like God has higher standards that He wants me to reach. Being good is not good enough. I should be following His will at all times so that I'm ready to answer any questions whether in or out of season.
There are more people watching than I realise.
A few weeks ago, the school librarian finally asked me what we were doing meeting in the conference room every Monday night. I told him that we had Bible study. After we became acquainted at the track meet a week or so ago, he asked me why I was so into the whole Christian thing. He said that he looked through my Facebook and was wondering what made me become this way. As I was sharing my testimony with him today, I also noticed that the security guard sitting nearby was listening to our conversation. It made me realise that the next time I walked into the library for anything, she'd recognise me as "that Christian girl".
Don't get me wrong, I do recognise that giving my heart to Christ is more important than just focusing on looking like a Christian from the outside. But God is opening my eyes to help me realise that I should let Him into EVERY area of my life so that He can truly shine in me. And for that, I am truly awed- that He's not giving up on me!
Hmm... I really have a penchant for blogging past midnight these days.
Sorry for the abrupt ending, but GOODNIGHT!