Law Paper Fail

Did I finish my paper this morning? Is that even a legitimate question?

Obviously the answer is no, I didn't finish it.

It simply wasn't possible. By the time 13:00 rolled around, I only had eight pages under my sleeve. Honestly, by that time, I was just so sick of writing that I didn't really care anymore.

What a lousy attitude right?

I really should pray about it. As I speak, I'm still not done with my paper. Even though it's past the deadline, I still want to finish it and hand it in to my professor. I'm not really hoping she will understand because there are just no excuses for this kind of procrastination. I am just going to do what I can now to salvage what I've got.

This evening I went with some peeps to NYC to shop for formal dresses since we're all going tot the senior/junior formal this coming Monday. The formal kind of like prom for our college, just less "high-schooley" if you know what I mean.

I know what you're thinking...

What am I doing in the city when I've got homework to do?

Well, today was the only day we could all go together and like I said, I'm just really sick of writing and doing homework now. As a result, I've been eating junk food all day and I feel horrible now.

Empire State Building.

So many ugly dresses... All overpriced!

Finished the night with the one and only- Pinkberry! I will miss this sorely when I'm gone (if I'm leaving).

While I want to be done with my papers and finals as soon as possible, I also don't want school to end so quickly. I feel as if time is flying by so quickly!

Serious Senioritis

I just got home from working at MoMA (Museum of Modern Art) in New York City an hour ago and I'm trying to finish my law paper that's due tomorrow. To no avail of course... At least work didn't go past midnight today as it usually does. Unfortunately, at this rate, I"ll have to churn out 3 pages per hour for at least 5 hours straight in order to get this paper done.

Right now I'm about to take a gamble: instead of finishing this paper before going to sleep at 05:00, I think I will sleep now, set my alarm for 05:00 and write from then till my paper is due at 13:00. That leaves me with 4 hours before my first class at 09:00, 1 hour between 10:00 and 11:00, another hour during lunchtime and then nada.

That's a total of 6 hours of nonstop writing.

I don't know if this is possible... Especially since I'm not a morning person.

I've never procrastinated to this extent before.

Housecleaning Thoughts

I just finished cleaning the entire apartment and I'm waiting for my laundry to get dry downstairs as I write.

The lethargic mood hasn't left me yet, but Khadeen is right- I should be doing all the things that I know I need to finish anyway. So I'm doing my laundry, cleaning the apartment and all that's left to do is to start reading the material on my law paper assignment.

I know these things won't exactly make me feel better per se, but they are just mundane things that have to be done no matter what.

In any case, I heard from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Singapore today and they rejected my application. Not to sound defeated in advance, but I already sort of knew I would not get a position there- just because I'm not Ivy League material or some sort of President's Scholar. What else would you expect from a country that prides itself on meritocratic values?

So the job search continues...

But the reason why I'm blogging right now is because each time I clean the apartment, I start to think about many things concerning my roommate and I. Me being me, I try to justify why I shouldn't be the one asking for forgiveness in the first place. I come up with all kinds of valid reasons as to why SHE should be the one who should be asking ME and not the other way round. But then I hear a voice checking my thoughts saying: "who are YOU to forgive? Do you even have the power to forgive?"

That's when I realised that not even my roommate has the right nor the ability to truly forgive me. Only Jesus Christ has the authority to forgive sins.

Not only that but it's so hypocritical of me to think such things!

As I'm wiping the floors, it's easy to fall into the trap of wondering when she's going to "wake up" and see the real reason why I'm bending over backwards for her. Maybe then she'll be able to stop holding grudges or acting the way she does.

But who's to say she will? Can I make her?

I can't... Only God can.

But I think and think and think to make myself feel better about having to clean the floors until I finally realise that this whole time, I'm the one who's holding grudges. Why should I need to justify the good that I'm doing if I'm doing it solely out of love for Christ? Why do I keep longing for instantly gratifying results even though I know the seeds I plant will never grow except by the power and will of God?

It is just human nature, I suppose. My sinful, fleshly nature.

But I don't like it and it has been quite a battle going between the two opposing thoughts. For Christ vs. for myself.

How will I live the rest of my collegiate life?