Thursday, June 15, 2017

A Very Human Week

Just read a message from someone and feeling super salty because of the perceived false accusations, quick judgments and overall blindness in the whole situation. An immature self might have written a particularly stinging passive-aggressive Facebook status.

I knew he would see it and feel rather terrible about himself afterwards.

A few minutes later, I received a text from someone who just wasted two hours of my precious evening time. My fingers quickened to respond in spite, but a gentle voice stilled my movements:



"You who judge others, do you not call judgment upon yourself? You readily pinpoint negative traits in others; aren't you able to do so because you recognize them in yourself? RISE ABOVE LADY. You are a new creation in Me."



Ok. But I just feel so WRONGED all the time. When will justice prevail? I want them to know what they did and feel remorse! I'm done being the nice guy all the time when they don't even know I'm being overly nice.



"You hypocrite! If judgement came upon everyone today, would you not be similarly consumed? Is that the extent of your 'niceness'? What of my mercies to you every morning?"


Silence.

Be still.

Let my words be few. You are in heaven and I am on earth. Let my words be few.





_______________________________________________________


Someone asked me for a favor today and it required a small obligation on my part. Though I agreed, a part of me felt uneasy. I realized that I was feeling unhappy that I was now obligated to do something and that obligation took away some of my freedom. It took me by surprise because it was really a small matter and I might have asked the same favor of her. Yet there I was, internally rebelling (against what?) and suddenly brainstorming about all the things I could have been doing instead had I not been obligated.

That was the moment I realized how sinful my flesh is.

That rebellious flesh that only seeks my own will, my own gratification, my own desires.

This was the same rebellious spirit that dictated most of my stubborn, wilful, anti-authoritarian youth.

How can I ever break free from this body of death?!

"Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin." (Romans 7:25 NLT)

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Tiong Bahru & Moving

I was just watching a traditional Chinese funeral procession go past my window. A few old folks came to their windows and took a peep too. These song lyrics came to mind:

Goodbye my friend it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that spring is in the air

Where I live now in Tiong Bahru presents an odd mix of people. There are two main groups living in the SIT estate. Either very old folks who still speak in dialect, or young rich expats. There are hardly any locals until you cross over to the newer HDBs along Boon Tiong Road.

Singapore as I knew it, as my father and my grandfather before me knew it no longer exists. The roads we used to know and the buildings now stand only in our memory. In the past, if you'd asked me what I missed about Singapore while overseas, I would have told you that I missed the people, the food and some places where I used to hang out. 

Presently, my loved ones are scattered across the globe. All the places that I used to hang out (which is the whole of Singapore) have changed drastically. The food I used to love in my childhood too, either closed down or had its flavor changed. In short, there are very few things here that I will miss. And I am sure that in five years time, most of those things will disappear too in the usual pattern.

I am sad but I know this world is not my home. My grandparents and great-grandparents did not come to Singapore because they thought they'd get rich here. They fled here to escape religious and/or political persecution from abroad, as refugees. Singapore wasn't even a country in her own right then. And yet the Lord has blessed us with growing material comforts over the generations, culminating in mine.

If they had not made the courageous decision to move, life would be very different for us right now. I probably would not exist.

I am still not entirely sure why God would have us move again to another continent. It seems as though we are drifting further away from our countries of origin. But what does that matter in the end? It is not the starting point, but rather the finishing line that we look to.
"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God...... All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they left, they would have opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them." (Hebrews 11:8-10, 13-16) 

Monday, May 08, 2017

Thoughts On Life & Moving

Every single time I get an urge to write, I feel like creating a new blog. My hands start itching to pull out one of my many new and unused diaries. But I don't, because I know that after that first entry, the diary would likely lie unused for the next few years. I'd also forget the password to my new blog and never write another post.

So here I am, back again...

Life is moving at the speed of life. If I dwell on the past, it seems to move too quickly. Swing my gaze into the future and it seems to move at snail's pace. For this year, God's been really teaching me to live in the present. To savor each bite, to enjoy the rainy day at home, to look at the people I walk past daily. J told me that I always seem to rush from one place to another, only to melt in exhaustion at the end of the day. It makes everyday life seem so meaningless and miserable.

The thing is, I am always thinking about opportunities and possibilities. I never want a moment to go to waste, so I try to capitalise on every second I've got- only to end up wasting all of it because I never bothered to pause and enjoy the moment. Everyday is a GO day for me.

I've been thinking about why God wants us to move back to the States at this point of time. I enjoy my work and the community of family and friends that has been established here over the years. Logically, I know that it would be better for our family to migrate at this point so that we can raise our kids the way I believe I should. But still I long to know the deeper meaning. I want to know WHY this (God's) plan is so perfect?! From experience, I know God may reveal His higher purposes to me, yet this usually comes in hindsight. If I were to know the answer now, it would rob me of the chance to exercise my faith.

I am so grateful for the past six years spent here. I've met so many wonderful people and forged deeper friendships with both old and new acquaintances. I met my husband and had two children. I've changed so much as a person. I feel older and younger at the same time.

Part of me worries that J might pick a state to move to that I will dislike. Hmm... I guess that's why He wants me to learn contentment and enjoyment in the moment right now. Because if I can't savor where I'm at in life right now, wolfing bits of it down will eventually make me choke. Besides, J might make a choice, but I know it is God who directs our path......