The Joy Of Being Used

At the end of a rather long week, we were finally in bed before midnight for once. But alas, our plans to sleep early were usurped by a most terrible noise from the other side of our bedroom walls-- Yelling, screaming, punching, a child crying, furniture being thrown around and broken...

J was already asleep (within seconds of his head hitting the pillow no less) but I could hear L stirring in reaction to the loud bangs and my heart was breaking at the realization that our neighbors were having a violent domestic.

I poked J awake and we quietly adjourned to the kitchen, feeling sorry, sad, appalled and afraid all at once. We looked into each other's faces and knew we needed to pray for that family. So we stood there and prayed. We asked God from the bottom of our hearts to send His spirit of Peace into that household, to calm them with His mighty hand. God knows, we've been down that road before and it's such a dark place to be.

God truly works in mysterious ways. I know that had J and I not been through this ourselves, we would not have the same level of empathy and compassion for our neighbors as we now do. I probably would have called the police and gotten mad at them for waking us and our baby up. But I did not; not because I didn't want to, but because I knew that calling the police may not help them much in the moment.

I knocked on their door as the fighting grew worse and we heard the lady shouting about having bloodied hands and her daughter crying. She came to the door and I quietly led her back to my house. I sat her on my couch and poured her a glass of water.

It's so ironic that just two weeks ago, I had made her acquaintance by shouting at her through the kitchen window: "Were you the one who threw all those old clothes into the rubbish chute, thereby jamming up the entire thing? I can't open my chute door!" Needless to say, she denied the allegation, haughtily exclaiming that even though she's a Chinese immigrant, her Singaporean husband had told her where the appropriate place was to throw bulk refuse. 

I let all the bitterness in her voice wash away. Someone, or many people must have played the "China card" against her many times before.

But last night, we made a new connection and she told me that she appreciated our help. I went to bed that night rejoicing in all that wonderful and mysterious ways God worked to bring us together. After our conversation, I realized that I was in a great position to empathize with and listen to her. I also realized that our move to the US was delayed for a reason. It gave me such joy then to know that God is very active in our lives and using us in every possible imaginable way, at our own individual capacities. It felt wonderful to be used by the one God on high who sees all and knows all.

It's strange to note, but even though I slept at 2am, I felt more refreshed than ever.

Fight My Losing Battle

I've never fought in a physical war before, but everyday I fight a spiritual war. Everyday the enemy waits for an opportunity to come at me- and when he sees an opening, he sweeps right in with his darts and arrows and tries to kill me.

Sometimes I huddle in fear. Sometimes I fall prey. When that happens, I feel like the ultimate failure... I think to myself: where are you, God?

But I know deep inside that it's not God who's failed to protect me.

God's been very specific in His Word:

"Flee from sexual immorality..." (1 Corinthians 6:18)

"Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry." (1 Corinthians 10:14)

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness." (1 Timothy 6:11)

"Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22)

He never called us to try to withstand the devil's schemes. We are told to run away as fast as we can, to find refuge under the wings of the Almighty God!

But sometimes I stand so mesmerised that running away is the last thing I feel like doing at the moment.

It's like in those scenes in movies like 2012 or Day After Tomorrow where people are standing in the street staring at the oncoming tornado or tsunami, so entranced by what they are seeing that they're not even attempting to run away.

But that's how the fish gets caught doesn't it?

It sees something interesting in the water, swims after it, thinks it looks tasty, bites it, swallows it...... then gets hooked!

I am so tired of getting hooked. I'm not perfect- I seem to be one of the most gullible and stupid fishes in the pond ever; and it stumps me as to why Jesus would ever want to keep forgiving and pursuing me. But He does! And I am honestly sick of this vicious hooking cycle.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

Dear God, this is obviously a battle that I seem to be losing. Each time I crawl up again, I feel weak and lose confidence at the sight of the enemy. He pushes me over and laughs when I fall. Holy Spirit, will you fight my battles for me? Will you be my shield and rampart? When the enemy comes at me, will you extinguish his arrows? Forgive me for not running to You and for following the desires of my evil heart. Change my heart oh God! Make it ever true... In Jesus' name, Amen!