Anger At The News

I'm so angry right now and my heart is racing like mad. 

Though I'm supposed to be studying, I just gotta write this blog post to release my feelings. 

I just read the Wikipedia page for the recent New Delhi bus rape case that happened in December 2012. It is a much more detailed report on the entire case, with information being pulled from various news sources.

As I was reading about the atrocities that were being done, a white hot flash of anger started welling up in me and I couldn't help but just burst out in tears for the victim and her family. Just thinking about the ordeal she must have went through, and having to fight for her life and dignity afterwards is mind-boggling. The last time I felt this outraged, I was reading The Rape of Nanking and another book about the war atrocities committed by the Nazis during World War II. I remember having my sleep and appetite affected after that. All I wanted was to somehow exact revenge on every single one of those MURDERERS!

Even just now as I was reading, I thought to myself: how would those men like to have the same exact thing done to them! Death penalty is no penalty for them! They should be tortured to death instead! Make them pay!

However in the heat of my anger, I felt a gentle voice say to my heart:

Mindy, this anger you feel your heart right now, just think about how God feels towards ALL sin. He does not differentiate between a gang rape and a malicious gossip. God is HOLY, and He cannot tolerate sin because He is RIGHTEOUS and JUST. So this anger that you feel towards the gang rapists right now, imagine it magnified an infinite number of times, focused on YOU. Yes you, because you were born with sin. You were once a liar, a thief, a murderer and a slanderer. Now think about all those consequences that you imagined for the gang rapists, and think about how you actually deserve all that as well. Okay? Then, think about who Jesus came to save and how He died on the cross for ALL. Don't count yourself a "lesser sinner" than them, because that is not how God sees all men. 

.....


What can I say Lord Jesus? Your ways are higher than my ways, your thoughts higher than my thoughts, as the heavens are higher than the earth. Thank you for giving me an answer about this dilemma in my heart and for correcting my views on it. I pray and ask that You would bring healing to my heart and help me to forgive others as You have forgiven me. I thank You for dying on the cross and paying the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. If You did not die that terrible death and suffer on our behalf, we would have been lost for all eternity. Thank You Father, for providing the Lamb and for Your love that is immeasurable and incomprehensible.

Fight My Losing Battle

I've never fought in a physical war before, but everyday I fight a spiritual war. Everyday the enemy waits for an opportunity to come at me- and when he sees an opening, he sweeps right in with his darts and arrows and tries to kill me.

Sometimes I huddle in fear. Sometimes I fall prey. When that happens, I feel like the ultimate failure... I think to myself: where are you, God?

But I know deep inside that it's not God who's failed to protect me.

God's been very specific in His Word:

"Flee from sexual immorality..." (1 Corinthians 6:18)

"Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry." (1 Corinthians 10:14)

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness." (1 Timothy 6:11)

"Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22)

He never called us to try to withstand the devil's schemes. We are told to run away as fast as we can, to find refuge under the wings of the Almighty God!

But sometimes I stand so mesmerised that running away is the last thing I feel like doing at the moment.

It's like in those scenes in movies like 2012 or Day After Tomorrow where people are standing in the street staring at the oncoming tornado or tsunami, so entranced by what they are seeing that they're not even attempting to run away.

But that's how the fish gets caught doesn't it?

It sees something interesting in the water, swims after it, thinks it looks tasty, bites it, swallows it...... then gets hooked!

I am so tired of getting hooked. I'm not perfect- I seem to be one of the most gullible and stupid fishes in the pond ever; and it stumps me as to why Jesus would ever want to keep forgiving and pursuing me. But He does! And I am honestly sick of this vicious hooking cycle.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

Dear God, this is obviously a battle that I seem to be losing. Each time I crawl up again, I feel weak and lose confidence at the sight of the enemy. He pushes me over and laughs when I fall. Holy Spirit, will you fight my battles for me? Will you be my shield and rampart? When the enemy comes at me, will you extinguish his arrows? Forgive me for not running to You and for following the desires of my evil heart. Change my heart oh God! Make it ever true... In Jesus' name, Amen!