Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014

Ever since I moved back to Singapore, I feel like my walk with God has not gone from strength to strength. I've just been sort of.... hanging in there. Can I just say that the plateau feels kind of stinky?

Yet I know that mountaintop experiences do not come without the pain of having struggled through dark valleys and climbing sharp rocky trails. 

As 2013 comes to a swift end, I can't help but feel a pang of regret for not having spent more time in the past year being in God's Word and serving those around me. Sure, it's been a fun year. LOTS of travelling, hanging out with friends and just enjoying life. But to whose benefit? 

I don't want to be just an average "hanging in there" kind of Christian. 

This year, I'll be turning 25. It's an age I've been looking forward to ever since I was 15. Back then, I had projected myself to be a fashionable young career woman at 25. One who does nothing but party, travel and do cool stuff. Today, I look back on that projection with such... despair... I just.... Gotta shake my head and laugh!!! 

I don't want to be all that this year.  

All I want is to keep my gaze on the things that are eternal, not the things that are temporary and of this world. Why should I live my life based on those things? 

Last year, I talked a lot about caring for others. Yet how many times have I personally reached out for that and prayed for their salvation? This year, I've GOT to see that the harvest around me is ripe! It's time to take up the armor of God and start praying!

Last year, I did a lot of teaching and judging others while I gradually lost track of my own ills. As I enter the new year, I shall leave my burden of accumulated guilt at Jesus' feet. I am reminded that the King of Kings humbled himself to even death on the cross. Who am I that I should demand honor above my Master?

There is so much I have yet to learn Lord, and so much that is yet to be done in my heart. I dedicate myself to You anew and ask that You will take me deeper in love with You. In Jesus' name I pray all this, Amen!!!

Hello 2013

What an exciting and fun past few days it has been! I ushered in the new year with some friends watching fireworks at MBS, something that I've been wanting to do ever since I came back to Singapore. The fireworks were really awesome and I was not disappointed with my choice in year end activities. 

But now that the holidays are over and people are returning to work and school, I've been attacked by a sudden bout of depression. I don't even know if "depression" is the right word to use. It's more of a mix between restlessness, anxiety and tiredness. I don't know what in the world is the matter with me, but I do know that it is a strong indication that I need to spend more time with God. I guess I've just been so caught up in having fun and having more fun that I didn't spend enough time resting in His Word. 

It's really true what God says in the Bible: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5) 

When I am close to God, I really feel as if I could break walls with my bare hands. However when I don't feel as close, I feel so weak, like a pool of melted wax. 

Dear Lord Jesus, help me to start this year off on the right foot. Bring back my ever-wandering mind and heart to you, so that I can sit still at your feet and listen to your life-giving words. Apart from you I can do absolutely nothing; but more importantly, apart from you I have no life in me. I pray and ask that you will give life to this aching and tired heart of mine. In Jesus' name, Amen! 

Goodbye 2012

2012 you have been an outstanding year!

Apart from the not so nice things (turning 23 years old), there was a whole ton of fun to be had. I didn't cry as much as I did this year as compared to last year I think... Well, at least not over bad things that happened to me. 

This year I travelled a lot to different countries and neighbourhoods. 

Facebook tells me that I've made over 200 new acquaintances and/or friends. 

But do all these things really matter to me at the end of the day?

I look back upon 2012 and its fond memories with a tinge of sadness not because I didn't have more time to do the things I wanted to, but because I suddenly feel as if all these things are just so insignificant. 

One day our time will be up. We'll die and move on from this world. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say here, but I guess to sum it up in a word, I'm feeling GRATEFUL to be alive. 

Alive for the whole of 2012. 

Thank you God, thank you!