For The Future Generations

We are living in a world of "information" now and in order to attain "success", it may seem imperative to become as knowledgeable as possible. However, knowledge, to me, is a leveller. And besides, Google.

What will make you stand out in time to come is not necessarily having the most knowledge. I propose three things (that unfortunately one may not be able to learn in a traditional school system):

1) Discernment- The ability to notice the fine-point details, the ability to judge something well or the ability to understand and comprehend something. (Yourdictionary.com)

Imagine having 100 dinner options to choose from and 5 vastly different and hungry friends to placate. Your life is on the line. Discernment will help you sieve through all the information to make the right decision.

2) Wisdom- The ability to know what is true or right, common sense or the collection of one's knowledge.

(Yourdictionary.com)

Why is knowing what is "true" or "right" important? Because by definition, what is "true" (faithful; loyal; constant) does not change. What is true today will be true tomorrow as it was yesterday. If you can use your discernment to sieve through the noise, it will also take wisdom to identify what is "good" and "beneficial" for the long-term. 

3) Humility- the state or quality of being humble; absence of vanity or excessive pride.

(Yourdictionary.com)

I was going to write "good manners" at first, but then as I thought longer about this point, I decided that Humility was the best way to put it. You may be well-mannered on the outside, but only out of selfish pride or fear. Many people are perceptive. They can smell fake from across the galaxy. Therefore, I concluded that humility is the base ingredient for any genuine good social behavior anywhere in the world. In relation to the original point of this writing, true humility and subsequent good manners will make you stand out from the others who are equally knowledgeable, smart and wise. Given a choice between having a relationship with a sea urchin and a golden lab, most people would pick the golden lab. 

How as a parent, can I equip my children with these qualities that I believe can help them better navigate and adapt to the world they were born into? What if I am not particularly discerning, wise or humble?

The first thing I would think to do, is to learn more about what constitutes discernment, wisdom or humble. I would surround myself with any person, book, experience, movie, etc that can teach me more about these values.

Secondly, practice makes perfect. What better way to learn than to put these values into practice as and when you can? The other benefit of this is that as I practice these values, my child can watch me make mistakes and recover. He can then learn from my mistakes instead of making them on his own.

Thirdly, I would encourage my child to exercise these values alongside myself. In every little action- even putting his toys away (at a young age), I could surely have him practice discernment (where to put what), wisdom (why to put what where) and humility/good manners (why to put what where so as to benefit others besides myself in the long run).

The U.S. vs Singapore

I've been feeling uncertain about the future recently. People keep asking if I'm going to stay in Singapore for good. I tell them "yes", and they always give me a look of surprise. 

They ask: "But why? Isn't the U.S, better?"

I would tell them "not really", then proceed to explain why. 

Usually, these are the reasons I give:

1) It's not really better per se, it's just different. 

2) Most of my family's in Singapore, but I have friends in the U.S. who I miss too

3) It's expensive in Singapore but generally more convenient (public transport wise)

4) Many things are cheaper in the U.S. but it can get boring

5) Singapore's also boring

6) The economic centre of the world has shifted to Asia

7) U.S. is better for simple living

You know the thing is, I could come up with a thousand reasons why Singapore is better than the U.S. and vice versa. That's why you just can't compare them head on like that. 

It's just that, after so much questioning regarding my decision to move back to Singapore, I'm starting to wonder if I made the right move after all? 

After all, there are PLENTY of Singaporeans who are just dying to get out of this country. 

I love my work here in Singapore though- I really do. I know that if I move back to the U.S., I would have to give that up. I'd miss the two years I spent skating all over this urban city. I'd miss the food and the friends I've made and gotten closer to as well. There'd be no more Chinese New Year visits or family potlucks. 

Still, being in the U.S. seems like a great idea too.

Talk about starting a family... And all that good stuff!

But the more I think about the future, the more I get worried and anxious. How can I know that I'll be making the right decisions? How can I maximise all the opportunities I have to create something long and lasting?

The truly worrying part is- I can't. I simply don't know and I cannot know. 

All I can be certain of in this life is my God in whom I trust. He is the only one who never changes. People come and go, nations rise and fall, but the Lord my Rock remains the same. His love and mercy is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Praise God for His unending love! Because of Him, I can live without fear of tomorrow!

What Is Love

Last night J asked me if I had ever told anyone that I loved him and meant it. I said no, because even though I have said "I love you" to that person in my past, I didn't know what love was when I said it all those years ago. Talk was cheap enough for me to throw it around like dollar bills. 

I saw a look of puzzlement flicker across his face. 

"if you said you love him, even though your definition of love has changed since then, it still counts at the point when you meant it!"

Sigh... 

No. 

Just, no. 

How do you explain what "love" is to somebody who does not know the true love of God? 

I remember what it was like before I experienced Jesus' love. I always felt like there was a hole in my heart. I was always cold, always hungry. Always needing to fill the gaps in my life with temporary joys. Partying, feeling popular, being happy, being sad, shopping, sports, a boyfriend.... You name it. But none of those things could ever fill this ever-hungry heart of mine. 

When I was in that past relationship, my view of love was a very immature and selfish one. My daily relationship "meter" went something like this:

How can this person make me happy? 

How can he fulfil my needs?

Is he good enough for me?

Does he love me as much as I (think I) love him?

Not once did I consider:

What can I do for him?

How can I fulfil his needs?

Am I striving to give him my best?

What can I give of myself for the benefit of this relationship?

It wasn't until I understood what Jesus did for me on the cross, then did I begin to even have a tiny grasp of what true love looked like. 

There I was, a sinner, deserving of death and an eternity in hell. There He was, perfect and holy, creator of heaven and earth. He had every right to ignore me and let me pass into oblivion. But because He loved me so much, He sacrificed his high position in heaven, coming down to earth to be born to a lowly carpenter. He lived a perfect and blameless life, only to bear the full punishment for my sins on the cross. 

All this, before I was even born. Before I had even made the choice to follow Him with all my heart. He gave up everything for me because He wanted just a chance to spend an eternity with me. 

He pursued me like Jacob pursued Rachel, working 14 years under her father just for her hand in marriage. "But they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her" (Genesis 29:20) 

I am overwhelmed with the thought of someone who died for me almost two thousand years ago... Just to give us a chance to be together... 

I know it all sounds great and stuff, but what does this have to do with my relationships with people?

I'll tell you what. 

The biggest lesson I learnt about love since those years ago when I was last in a romantic relationship- is that LOVE, means denying yourself, sacrificing yourself and ultimately dying, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually, for someone else. Not because that person deserves it, but because you loved him first. 

It is not about having flowers sent to your door, nor having him text you every other hour. It is not about having a million things in common, nor is it about mending his socks or cleaning the house. It is not about yourself, nor is it about being happy. 

So many people want to be in a relationship these days because they think that it will make them "happy". The real reason they feel this way is because deep inside, we all have that gap in our hearts. This gap can only really be filled with God's love, because God's love NEVER runs out. Whereas, a relationship with another imperfect human being can never meet all of our deepest emotional needs. 

I think a healthy way to look at romantic relationships is not how it can make us happy. Rather, relationships are a way for us to experience on our own human terms, what the depths of God's love is like. 

It's difficult to imagine the pain and longing Jesus must have felt on the cross when he died for a people who have yet to know and accept Him. Still, He bled for us anyway and sacrificed His body and spirit willingly. Likewise, when we are in a relationship with somebody, be it a husband, parent, sibling or friend, we will surely encounter on a daily basis, situations when we need to also sacrifice ourselves. And by sacrifice, I mean a full sacrifice. Sometimes you see wives give way to their husbands, but then they turn around and make a face to show their displeasure. I don't consider that a full sacrifice nor is it truly submitting. Self-denial for someone who doesn't deserve it is not only difficult, it is usually impossible. There is a supernatural strength that is necessary in such a task, and it is only attainable through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

And I have to remind myself that this is why, God call us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. 

How can I even think of creating a family with someone who has no concept of sacrificial love? Where will this person be in my darkest of days? Who can my children look up to, to learn of what a father's sacrificial love is like? It will be a selfish act on my part, to put my children in such a loveless family...... 

Dear Father in heaven, I thank You for always walking beside me. I thank You for loving me everyday, even when I fail You or forget You. You have never forgotten me, nor have You ever stopped wanting the best for me. Thank You for reminding me today of Your love. I run to You and hide in the shadow of Your wings. In Jesus' name, Amen.

P.S.

I finally tried dropping into the vert bowl yesterday and even though I fell midway, it was a soft fall. I feel nothing but even more encouraged to try once more!

Psalm 37:4

Because it's Monday, I spent the whole day cleaning with my little bro.

Luckily for us, dinner time didn't disappoint with beef, squash, mushroom and onion kebabs.

I was really exhausted by late afternoon though and promptly fell asleep on my bed for two hours. During those two hours, I vividly remember the dreams that I had. Although they were cut up into different sections (I woke up in between), they were all sort of connected to each other.

In my dreams I was traveling somewhere to live permanently but brought very little of my belongings with me. On my way to that next city/country, I somehow got separated from the old lady I was traveling with because chaos had broken out in the area. Nobody was safe and I felt hunted in every corner. Eventually, the whole dream turned into some hide-and-seek end of the world kind of nightmare. I found myself in a hospital hiding in the last dream, when the enemies broke into the building and began torturing people brutally. People were screaming and crying everywhere. In my heart, I somehow felt that if I were caught, the enemies would torture me if I didn't renounce my faith- and I was afraid that I would give up for fear of pain. Inevitably, I was cornered and caught; and this is really odd, but my captor began rubbing a small sore on my leg violently to hurt me because I would not give up the fight. Afterwards, I woke up.

For some reason, my dreams have been following such a scary theme for almost a year now.

And whenever these kind of apocalyptic dreams come up, I always get a sense of God being there with me; yet I don't seem to be able to cry out to Him. I used to be able to pray in my dreams but in these dreams I am always running away instead.

I'm not sure what all this is about but I really need to be more diligent about praying about my dreams before falling asleep. This dream probably happened because I was complacent before and did not ask for Jesus' presence and protection in my dreams/thoughts before sleeping.

On another note, I've been thinking about what I would like to do for the rest of my life if I had a completely free choice...... and honestly, I would love to be a missionary.

Whenever the church has a missions trip coming up, nobody knows, but I'm burning inside to go. Yet I never signed up for any missions trip because I never felt spiritually or financially adequate for the task. I also wasn't sure if going would be a part of God's plan. I guess I just didn't bother to ask.

But after working at VBS with the first graders and at Teen Bible Camp, I saw how rewarding serving fulltime actually is. In my mind, I compared it to all the other secular jobs I've ever had in my life and they all just fell short.

Take catering for example- it pays really well and I get to meet celebrities and interesting people each time, which is fun at first, but it does nothing. I don't feel like I've contributed anything to the world at all after each party. But Bible camps? I see how the Holy Spirit can move in the lives of each person. My time there is not wasted.

And not to mention, my love for other cultures and new situations certainly add fuel to the fire for going on mission trips.

I got a little sad thinking that God would probably never let me go on a mission trip. Or maybe just one and then it'll be back to regular life. Maybe I'll just witness to people at my everyday job. But oh how I wish that my everyday job were servicing the Lord! I can't explain this feeling...

Then I realised, that I've been on a mission trip for the past seven years.

I'm here in the U.S. aren't I?

Dude. Since God's promising me marriage in the future, I hope my husband is going to be some missionary guy. I cannot imagine living in the same country for more than a few years anymore.

Dear Lord Jesus, I will seek first Your kingdom above all else. I will not lust after all sorts of things that this world as to offer, but I will chase after Your goodness. I will seek You and find You in the quiet place. Then You will give me the desires of my heart and I will sing Your praises! I am so excited to see all the plans that You have for me. I know that You love me more than I love myself and so I am entrusting my future with You. Better is one day in Your house than thousands elsewhere!