Comparing Between Pregnancies

B's in his highchair now, snacking on his Happybaby kale and spinach puffs while I wait for his food to be done cooking. So now that I've got some time, I'll just write a quick post.

I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with baby no. 2 and I've been comparing this with my first pregnancy. This is what I've noted:

In Utero Activity

#1: I did not feel any movement until about 18 weeks. The kicks only started to get really vigorous mostly after 30 weeks. Until the very end, I have never been woken up by his kicking. 

#2: I first felt movement at 12 weeks. The frequency and intensity of kicks have been building up since about 18 weeks. Currently at 29 weeks, I sometimes get woken up by her shoving and kicking at night.

Physical Discomfort

#1: I was still able to comfortably sleep until about 32 weeks. No cramping, but I did have to deal with swollen feet and bloatedness in my third trimester.

#2: Extremely bad cramps in the pelvic and lower back area coupled with periodic cramps in the abdomen since about 24 weeks. On bad days, I can hardly walk. The penguin shuffle began around then too. However, I don't have to deal with bloatedness during this pregnancy, partly because I don't have to walk as often and I'm still breastfeeding.

Physical Ability

#1: I still felt fairly confident in skates all the way until around 26 weeks. I was able to walk easily until around 32 weeks. DDR, tennis and badminton were all doable until the very last day.

#2: I did not feel I was able to skate anymore around 20 weeks. I did play DDR around 2 weeks ago, but only up till level 13 and only one round (3 songs). Walking more than 30 minutes gives me intense cramping later on, so I try to limit sitting, standing or walking too long.

Cravings

#1: Craving all my usual foods. Did not feel nauseous except in the beginning and towards the end of the pregnancy. I did throw up involuntarily once around 30-32 weeks though.

#2: Craving all my usual foods while feeling thirsty and hungry constantly. I suspect this has much to do with breastfeeding. Was very nauseous at the beginning, lasting from 8-19 weeks. It went away for awhile, but I started feeling nauseous again around 23 weeks.

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So basically, pregnancy no. 2 has not been easy compared to the first! I don't usually like to mention this to people because it's annoying when I get comments like "oh no, that means she's gonna be trouble."

Yeah well... As if Brendan's the most perfect baby in the world! He most certainly is not.

These days, he's capable of screaming tantrums and displaying stubbornness. Especially when he's made up his mind to do something and he's not allowed to. I usually stay calm through his antics (lying limp so we cannot pick him up, throwing things, screaming and banging stuff, being defiant) and ignore him while waiting for a quiet window where I can redirect or comfort him. I don't ever give in though. If I said "no touching Daddy's computer", I really mean it! I will remove him repeatedly until he gets the message.

In any case, I am looking forward to the day my kids are old enough to enjoy each other's company. I've been prepping B by showing him how to gently stroke my tummy and be gentle with pets, children and soft toys. When I ask him "where's your baby sister?", he'll happily pat and stroke my tummy with a smile on his face. It's sweet!

What Life Has Been

Brendan is now 14 months and 3 weeks old. He used to take two 1.5-2hr naps in the day, but I decided to drop one nap a few days ago and consolidate them into one 3hr nap in the afternoon. So far, so good. My baby quickly is growing into a toddler...

He's currently in love with his blankets and Megabloks. If the blanket is within his reach, he will try to pull it out from between the slats of the crib and crawl with it everywhere. I really don't like when he does that because his blanket would be dusty later on. So the moment I spot him with his blanket outside the crib, I will take the blanket from him and put it back in an unreachable spot. Thankfully, he won't cry or protest when I do that. He knows when mommy means business!

The guitar is another source of fun for Brendan.

Sometimes, I leave it lying on the couch and he will crawl up to pat the strings or examine the various little parts of it.

He's been taking little steps on his own since he was 13.5 months old. But like his extremely cautious INTJ dad, he prefers to do everything the "safe", "proper" and "certain" way. Despite obviously being able to walk on his own, he's still taking his time to master his balance- almost as if he wants to be an expert in standing alone before venturing onto the next step. I love that I'm able to observe this part of his analytical personality so early on!

My second Mothers' Day was filled with flowers, smiles and cake. My dad actually came by HOB earlier and dropped off (our favorite) strawberry cheesecake from SSC without telling me. It was a really pleasant and delicious surprise!

I wished my mom were in town. I would have gotten her something to eat too... Haha

When the weather's nice, I'd take Brendan to the playground downstairs where he can meet other babies and practice his standing/walking. He usually spends his time standing in a corner observing the other children play or walking round the poles.

Everyday is a new day of discovery and mastery for him.

Sometimes I am (not so happily) surprised by his new abilities.

But mostly, I love the daily smiles, cuddles and kisses that I get from him :)

My Responsibility

The breaks between each post on this blog is getting longer and longer. Time is a luxury for every mom with a baby and blogging just isn't a priority anymore. There are so many things that fight for my attention each day. Baby aside, there's the husband, work, chores, Facebook (guilty as charged) and devotions for the ladies' Bible study held at my place now weekly. I hardly even have the energy to go do the things I enjoy these days. Chinese calligraphy, skating, DDR, running, hanging out with friends... By the time 7pm rolls around and Brendan is in bed, all I have energy left for is to eat and finish up whatever I didn't get to do in the day.

Sometimes I get weepy and sick of the mom/work routine. Is this life even worth living when it's no fun at all? Why can't I have 100 hours in a day and unlimited energy to do the things that need to be done, and at the end of it, pursue my dreams and have tons of fun to top it all off?

Ironically, I have many reasons to be grateful. Brendan sleeps through from 7pm to 7.30am (thanks to the whole Babywise routine) and that gives me plenty of freedom in the night. Not only that, but he also takes consistent naps in the day, so you won't hear the usual "mommy complaints" from me like "I can't take a shower at all because my baby won't let me put him down!" or "I'm so exhausted from my baby because he won't play by himself and needs to feed constantly". I'm really really really grateful daily for all this. Truly, I am! I guess I'm just yearning for more... Is it greed?

Since Brendan was born, work has really taken a backseat too. Instead of prospecting heavily for clients, I only service my existing pool when needed. As a result, the amount of sales has dropped tremendously, much to the disappointment of my manager and doubtlessly, my overachieving dad (who I feel always has sky-high expectations for his children).

I often ruminate over whether my choice to spend the majority of my time on Brendan is a good one. Many women in Singapore in this day and age are expected to work alongside their husbands since the cost of living here is through the roof. Many are struggling just to feed one or two children, with both parents working. I know many of them may not look like it from the outside, but when you do the math, you'll realize that a lot of people are living on the edge with no retirement plans in place. I do receive judgmental silence/talk when it's revealed that Brendan is by my side almost 24/7. I bring him along with me to appointments if I can and even some meetings in the office. The usual question asked is, "why don't you put him in infant care or hire a babysitter or a maid so that you can work during the day instead of letting your sales suffer?". This is usually posed in a way that implies work and earning money is superior to actually looking after your child. I was even told once by a Singaporean aunty that my choice to watch Brendan on my own instead of putting him in infant care was going to turn him into a dependent softie of a man in the future. LOL! But my kid is the one who is able to sleep and play on his own right now as opposed to your super-clingy grandson- so where's the logic/evidence?

I don't bother to explain to anyone anymore why this is my choice. I simply realized that doing so would expose our differing fundamental beliefs instead of coming to a good conclusion. But for the sake of blogging, I will pen down my beliefs here.

I believe that children are not only a blessing, but also a responsibility from God. We are told in the Bible to "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). In Proverbs 29:15, it also says "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." 

With these verses in the back of my mind, I always look back to my own experiences as a child. Being raised by a single working mom meant that I was always either in the care of a babysitter, relative or in daycare. In my teens and young adulthood, I've been a babysitter and fulltime caretaker myself. I came to the conclusion that nobody besides your own parents will ever put in as much care and effort in disciplining you. I grew up with inconsistent discipline and a general lack of parental guidance. People who knew me as a child and teenager can surely attest to the rebellious and impulsive behavior that in some part, resulted from that.

It did not matter that there was always an adult in the vicinity who made sure that I ate, bathed and did my homework on time. What I needed on top of having my physical needs being met, was to have my spiritual, mental and emotional self developed in a godly way that only parental authority can. Different caretakers meant different belief systems were imposed on me at various times of the day and years. I was punished for certain things in one place, but not another. But the worst pain of all, apart from inconsistency, was the lack of my parents' love. As a child, love simply meant to me that they were there. I used to look on in envy as other children had their moms or dads pick them up from school, drop them off at daycare, show up for performances and sports days in school. Mine were always working. I took it to mean that they didn't care. I know better now, but it doesn't undo the tremendous hurt that brought my young heart at the time.

Knowing all of this, how can I willingly give my child up to another person's care for the majority of the day? I know a grandparent's love can still never replace the soothing presence and consistent training of a parent. Our parents have earned the right to be grandparents now. Why should I ask them to discipline on my behalf when they yearn to spoil? I will not take that pleasure from them, nor do I expect them to be able to withhold it!

As the days pass, I grow in my conviction that this is the right thing to do. Earning money may be a priority for most, but I believe God gives us exactly what we need for each day. I do not need to worry about tomorrow. But what I do need to do is to take up this responsibility that He has given to me. It would be easy, and selfish in my situation to throw myself into work and let Brendan be in someone else's care during the day so I can enjoy life the way my unmarried self would have intended. But I do not feel that is my calling... 

For The Future Generations

We are living in a world of "information" now and in order to attain "success", it may seem imperative to become as knowledgeable as possible. However, knowledge, to me, is a leveller. And besides, Google.

What will make you stand out in time to come is not necessarily having the most knowledge. I propose three things (that unfortunately one may not be able to learn in a traditional school system):

1) Discernment- The ability to notice the fine-point details, the ability to judge something well or the ability to understand and comprehend something. (Yourdictionary.com)

Imagine having 100 dinner options to choose from and 5 vastly different and hungry friends to placate. Your life is on the line. Discernment will help you sieve through all the information to make the right decision.

2) Wisdom- The ability to know what is true or right, common sense or the collection of one's knowledge.

(Yourdictionary.com)

Why is knowing what is "true" or "right" important? Because by definition, what is "true" (faithful; loyal; constant) does not change. What is true today will be true tomorrow as it was yesterday. If you can use your discernment to sieve through the noise, it will also take wisdom to identify what is "good" and "beneficial" for the long-term. 

3) Humility- the state or quality of being humble; absence of vanity or excessive pride.

(Yourdictionary.com)

I was going to write "good manners" at first, but then as I thought longer about this point, I decided that Humility was the best way to put it. You may be well-mannered on the outside, but only out of selfish pride or fear. Many people are perceptive. They can smell fake from across the galaxy. Therefore, I concluded that humility is the base ingredient for any genuine good social behavior anywhere in the world. In relation to the original point of this writing, true humility and subsequent good manners will make you stand out from the others who are equally knowledgeable, smart and wise. Given a choice between having a relationship with a sea urchin and a golden lab, most people would pick the golden lab. 

How as a parent, can I equip my children with these qualities that I believe can help them better navigate and adapt to the world they were born into? What if I am not particularly discerning, wise or humble?

The first thing I would think to do, is to learn more about what constitutes discernment, wisdom or humble. I would surround myself with any person, book, experience, movie, etc that can teach me more about these values.

Secondly, practice makes perfect. What better way to learn than to put these values into practice as and when you can? The other benefit of this is that as I practice these values, my child can watch me make mistakes and recover. He can then learn from my mistakes instead of making them on his own.

Thirdly, I would encourage my child to exercise these values alongside myself. In every little action- even putting his toys away (at a young age), I could surely have him practice discernment (where to put what), wisdom (why to put what where) and humility/good manners (why to put what where so as to benefit others besides myself in the long run).

Food Weekend

HOHOHO!

This weekend has been all about food, and.... *drumroll*..... I DID NOT SKATE AT ALL.

HOHOHO!

*Self pat on back*

Speaking of hohohos... I randomly called Ms. Amanda Ho this past Saturday to go gaigai (walkaround) with me in Orchard. We wound up chillin in the new Korean cafe, Paris Baguette in Wisma Atria.

It's usually not too crowded here during the weekdays, but since we were there on a Saturday afternoon, almost all the tables were filled. 

The first time I'd heard about Paris Baguette was on Feecha when someone asked if the branch in Wisma Atria was open already. I noticed then that the old Din Tai Fung was gone and they were replacing it with this cafe. Curious, I went online to read about it and it turned out to be some famous Korean bakery. That explained the hype over its coming to Singapore. 

This was the first time I had tried food from the pastries side of the cafe. On the other side of the cafe, they sell sandwiches and cooked food, which was what I had tried before. And then on the third corner, I think they sell cakes. 

The pastries were nice but I still prefer Delifrance's fruit tarts. The round brown bread thing is something Amanda ordered and it turned out to be just a piece of bread without any kind of filling in it. The bread itself was nice though, kinda nutty, light, vanilla-y tasting. 

My favourite was definitely the sausage tart. Mmmm!!! Wish I had gotten two instead of one!

Yes, I look like just rolled out of bed.

But seriously, Paris Baguette is not cheap. For what you see in this picture, I paid about $20. Still cheaper than Starbucks upstairs though. 

The impromptu meetup with Manda on Saturday was followed by yet another impromptu meetup with Rache. 

We had dinner at the cheap cheap restaurant JustAcia, then went to watch the movie TED.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY did I not watch previews about it first before agreeing to watch it? I thought TED was probably about T.E.D., you know, as in the conference "Technology, Entertainment and Design" (TED)! And even as the movie began and I saw a teddy bear, I did not know the movie was rated M18 until Rache told me.

Sigh.

I think my face felt a bit sore from grimacing and frowning throughout the whole entire movie. The whole thing was plain awkward and I just don't get most of that type of humour. Though, I must admit, that last screen about Taylor Lautner was purrrty funny.

Spent all day in church and House of Bread on Sunday before meeting Rhoda for dinner at Peperoni Pizzeria in Binjai Park.

Rhoda went to college with me in the US and it's really nice to have someone from all the way there here in Singapore as well! 

Check out our giant pizza. It covered almost 80% of our table. 

And no, we didn't manage to finish all of it. 

Note to self: must eat here with more than one person next time!

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So my mom's birthday is coming up this week and I have no idea what to give her as a present. She never seems to like or use anything that I get her. 

And I'd say things are sort of normal with my mom right now. We're not arguing or in a fight or anything, but it's not like we're really talking to each other either. Guess it's just back to normal. I've never really interacted much with my mom since I was little anyway. 

When I am home and we do talk, it's more or less just small talk. If I try to tell her a bit more about my life, she just listens quietly (most times I can't tell that she's even listening). She doesn't say much about what's going on in her life either. But really, what's there to say anyway right? She's busy with household matters, blah blah blah, what's new?

For a mother, she feels about as distant to me as one of my random acquaintances on Facebook. 

Guess not everyone is meant to have that kind of close mother-daughter relationships!

I've decided not to expect too much from her or from my dad anymore. But I do know that if I ever become a parent, I wouldn't want my family to be like that. 

I know some of you can relate!

Our Father In Heaven

Enkoosh is leaving for Hong Kong today. He's been visiting his sister who lives here in Singapore for three weeks and now he's off to visit the other sister who lives in Hong Kong. During his few weeks here, Enkoosh has been coming to church with me and just asking a lot of questions about God and stuff. 

I'm really amazed at the lengths God will go to guide us lovingly towards Him. Who would've known a year ago when we were both in college all the way in the U.S., being regular acquaintances with mutual friends, that we'd be meeting again all the way across 12 time zones, talking about God together in a tropical country? 

These few weeks just served as a reminder to me that life after all is unpredictable. I may feel secure right now in my home and with my job, but who knows where I'll be this time next time or the year after next? There is no way of knowing... But one thing is for sure- the God in whom we love will never leave nor forsake us, as long as we trust and obey Him. 

Trust and obey... It sounds so easy on paper, but when you're in the moment and actually have to exercise faith, it's a whole different ballgame. 

I've been struggling with some internal issues recently- mostly about family. 

Sometimes, I just get tired of explaining my family situation to people you know? Two parents, two step-parents, three step-brothers and one step-sister. Common reaction: Huh, Whattttt? I don't understand, explain again...

So I'll explain once again.

And I cringe each time I say "step"- mainly because I never regarded my step-siblings as steps. I've always considered them as my own brothers and sisters. However, I know that feeling is not mutual, but it's alright. 

Most of my friends have intact families, or at least biological parents who live together. I think it's hard for them to understand sometimes, how it feels to never have an intact family unit. Sure, my biological parents and stepparents meet together for dinner all the time. Both families are totally fine around each other. There is no mention of the past nor fear of the future. 

But me?

Most times I feel like I'm on my own island. I've got to get it together myself and I've got to look after myself because no one else is gonna do it for me. 

My mom is off on another island busying herself with her family and my dad is also off on another island busying himself with his family. Occasionally, one of them crosses the little bridge in between to check out how things are on my island, but no one ever seems to want to stay for long. 

I built my own cities and planted my own gardens, but you could say it's a wreck. 

I guess that's why the sentiment of God, Abba Father, resonates so much more with me. I've never had true parents nor have I ever had a true friend, until I met Jesus Christ. 

I hope that whoever reads this and is feeling the same way can find the same hope and satisfying joy that I've found in Jesus as well. He will never, ever, ever not listen. He will never ever not care. He will never ever not have the time or be unreasonable. He is consistent in all His ways and thoughts and He never seeks to harm us. Indeed, even though our earthly parents may fail, our Heavenly Father never will.