The First Shall Be Last

Hey guys... It's been a LONG time since I've blogged with pictures. But really, my life ain't all that exciting. 

Unless you're hanging out with Talia, I guess... During the week that all the Abercrombie models were here, I refused to join in the crowd to go see them. I hate crowds! (And Abercrombie too.) However once the mob subsided, I thought, why not go check out their new flagship store in Singapore? 

Talia decided to chat one of them models up.... Okay, he's really an ex-classmate. 

The store overall was quite intricately laid out. I liked the typical wooden interior. And of course, their perfume filled your nostrils so you really gotta take a deep breath of outside air before going in. What I didn't enjoy though was all the A&F models greeting you EVERYWHERE. It was crazy. You couldn't walk more than five meters without saying hello to at least four or five people. I felt more like I was entering an exclusive club than a store. Feh, I would never be able to shop in peace there!

Saturday, I joined Audrey and her friend for dinner at Absolute Thai in 313 Somerset. The mango salad was whatever-tasting. The green mango wasn't sharp enough. The flavours all kind of fell flat. I don't know what else to say about it. I'm not a food blogger.

The seafood tom yam I guess was the only dish that I kind of enjoyed. To be fair, I had eaten a late lunch and didn't actually have much of an appetite.

We've been hanging out more than usual since it's her school holidays.

Hmm... What does that mean? Our waitress barely serviced us all night. Not that it's a bad thing; but more than hospitality at a restaurant, I prefer good food. 

Sunday passed by like a blur. Before I knew it, it was time for dinner. 

Looks good eh? Sun With Moon in Wheelock Place isn't great though. In my humble opinion, it's not worth a second visit. However they did give us $49 in food vouchers- might as well use them right? They'll be valid starting January 1st, 2012.

See, I've really been seeing a lot of Audrey!

We were actually trying to set someone up with a girl that night. Strangely, I feel too old to be part of such shenanigans. But I don't want to hide away in my own little world. I've actually been putting in more effort in hanging out with people, though I'd really rather just stay home and sleep or read a book. 

*Aaaaallllll byyyyy maaaaselffffffff.... Don't wanna be...*

And it's been raining like crazy everyday. But I guess that's to be expected in December. On a positive note, at least it's cool enough to run in the mornings. 

Here's a peek in my office. Cool right? I love that we don't wear any shoes and that there aren't any cubicles separating us. My computer is the second closest one. 

This week's gonna be a little more busy than usual, but I still love it!

There are other things that I do not love though... Let's just say that I feel tested all day, everyday. And as Talia put it, I'm afraid that I will fail. 

Sigh... 

Sometimes, just thinking the thoughts themselves already makes me feel as if I've already failed. 

It's kinda stupid but I keep worrying that the easier life gets, the further I'm going to get from God. I wonder why some Christians are persecuted, thrown into prison, while others like myself, get to lead such comfortable well-fed lives? 

The Bible tells us that the "last shall be first, and the first shall be last" (Matthew 20:16)

Maybe life is easy for me because God knows that I'm not strong enough right now to suffer like those missionaries in foreign countries. I'm having other troubles already just living day to day. What would I say if my life was on the line, and I was forced to deny Christ? Do I have enough faith? I honestly don't know. I hate imagining those kinds of situations but they still come to mind once in a while. 

People these days look at me like I'm some kind of rich girl just because I live in an expensive place. It makes me sad. I don't feel like I have anything to show off. Instead, I feel quite ashamed when I meet other people who are going through tough times. I'm not saying that I wish that upon myself, I'm not sure if I could handle it. I just wish that people would realise that being "first" in the world is really being "last" in God's eyes. 

Sigh...

Sharing In Christ's Sufferings

I was gonna start writing a post about how difficult life has been... how tough it is to live the Christian life amidst this dark world- but then I realised that this "tough Christian life" is exactly what I've been asking for.

I asked God to help me live outside of my comfort zone didn't I? And I asked that He would help me to live carrying the cross each day didn't I?

So now that I've got great opportunities to test my mettle, witness to others in God's love, why am I screaming "pain! PAIN!"? Has not God prepared the way ahead? Is He not right there with me in the fire? Will He not deliver me when I call?

So I'll just say one thing- things are definitely not getting easier by the day. But at least I know that I will not be tested beyond what I can handle. I also know that all these things are to reap a great harvest when the time is right. I am just grateful that God has counted me worthy to take part in His sufferings.

Today when we took communion in church, it struck me that I am always eager to participate in the blessings of Christ, but not so much in the sufferings of Christ.

Yet Romans 8:17 says "Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

Also in Job 2:10, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

I know that all these things will pass... They are worldly temporary troubles. But we work for a prize that is far greater. A prize that cannot be destroyed by rust, moth or mold. So I count all my miseries as gain!

Thank you God, for testing me and molding me into someone who may stand in Your presence someday, knowing that I have pleased You. I pray that You will give me the right attitude in handling all the trials that are coming my way. Help me to lean unto You with all I've got. Use all of this for Your glory! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

A Lull

Today's weather was simply beautiful. Blue skies, cool breeze, hot sun... and I spent it all by waking up six hours late and sitting in my couch reading God knows what on the Internet all day.

Is this an indication of what the rest of my summer is going to be like? I really don't want it to be like that. But then again, actions speak louder than words- and my actions are telling a very different story from what I had envisioned.

What do I envision?

An extremely productive summer that's what.

I want my room to be constantly spotless (it is currently spotty), my things either thrown out or organised, some translating work for the church completed, to finish my Russian textbook, and to train for a 5km run among other things like deciding what to do and where to live for the rest of my life.

Coincidentally, these were somewhat like my goals last summer. I completed maybe like.... none of them.

Before I make myself sound like a complete loser, oh wait...

Yeah, I give up. I've got nothing to offer this world really. Smarts, discipline, talent? Blah blah blah. This is the reason why I didn't graduate from Harvard I guess.

I've got nothing to give, but I've received everything instead.

Today my little brother had to receive a shot for his allergies and my mom called me into the room to watch her administer it. There was a dull pause as we all sat around and watched him lower his little head in glum expectancy. My mom had him in her arms and with one hand, she gave him the shot in his right thigh. In that instant, he screamed and cried so hard that I thought my heart would break. I couldn't imagine how my mom was feeling at the moment but even my other little brother got uncomfortable and rolled himself up in a cushion to avoid looking. I tried to smile and say "oh you're so brave!" but he wouldn't let up that piercing scream. In time, even I had to look away because it was too much for me to handle.

In that moment I just felt so helpless. I knew all of us in that room wanted desperately to do something to help him ease the pain, but we couldn't. All we could do was to sit there and listen to his heart-wrenching pain echo off the walls. That minute felt like an eternity.

It made me think about all the children that were screaming and crying in the world at that moment. How many of them had mothers to hold them at the very moment? To rock them and to whisper "it's okay, I'm sorry..."

How many were suffering because of an illness? Because of abuse, because of war, because of something evil in their lives?

And God, our dear Heavenly Father looking from above- His heart must be breaking and bleeding to an extent I cannot fathom as He listens to all this pain simultaneously.

We are such lucky people.

I am so lucky.

Money can only buy so much, but true health, joy, peace, hope, these things really are priceless. Not even Mastercard could get us a bit of them. Only God, our Healer, Comforter, Saviour and Heavenly Father could ever give these things to us through the Holy Spirit. And when He does give them to us, he does it so abundantly that we are filled to the overflowing.

What a joy to know Jesus Christ. It is my only treasure in this world and the only thing that I can boast about- that is knowing Him.

Because clearly, without Him, I'm a loser.