Tonight

Just came back from a really interesting evening of fellowship. We actually gathered to watch a movie together, but by the end of the night, almost everyone had split off into their own little group or corners to do their own thing.

It made me wonder, why? Why can't we all just sit together to watch a movie? Why must we always go off to do something else than we came to do?

Anyway, after the movie ended, we had some pretty intense conversations about relationships, spiritual warfare and stuff like that. Half the time, I didn't even know what I was going to say until I was saying it... But it all kind of made sense. I don't know why but I just felt like I HAD to say something! Turns out they may have been things that certain people needed to hear tonight...

And tonight definitely felt like one of those "Wow, God, why would you ever use me?" moments.

What is the meaning of all this?

I don't know... All I can do is to pray and wait upon the Lord. Wait until He lets me know what my next move should be. And when His instructions come, I can only ask that I will have the courage to step up and out in faith. I don't ever want to act in fear of the unknown.

It's strange but I feel tired from all that talking I did.

I wonder what will come next week?

First Night At THRIVE

I just looked at the time...... 02:46?!?!?!

(O_o)

I've been suffering from insomnia recently both because of my unwillingness to shut my computer off and from the whole house being in a complete mess. My room is so covered and filled with clothes and stuff that I am packing- that my mind feels messed up as well.

Tonight was my first night going to THRIVE, a young adults' worship night at Keystone church near my house. There weren't a lot of kids today (supposedly they get around 200 most nights) but still a lot more than C.L.I.M.B..

I've actually always wanted to attend one of THRIVE's worship nights but I never got around to going because of one reason or another. I finally made my mind up to go today over the past weekend though. And wouldn't you know it... on Saturday, something happened that made me really not want to go to THRIVE anymore, but Becky told me that I shouldn't let that keep me away.

So I prayed and prayed and prayed about it. Even while I was driving to THRIVE, I prayed and asked God to just make things right. Not only did God answer my prayer, He also showed me why I was feeling hindered from going to THRIVE.

The reason is because when I got there, I realised that the people there seriously needed to be prayed over and I made a commitment to do that. Could it be that the devil did not want me there? I think it's a high possibility... That's why he tried to manipulate me into not going. But I am so glad that God put His will in me and I trusted Him to make things right.

I am excited to see God move powerfully again!

This walk with Jesus is getting awesomer and awesomer by the day...

But another dilemma is arising...

The pressure to find a job is building by the day. I will have to find some means of making money soon just to support myself. I can't live off my parents forever! However the more I think about possible jobs, the more I don't want to apply to any of them. Not because I've caught the lazybug of summer, but because they are all so distasteful compared to full-time ministry.

I keep thinking about how much nicer it would be to work in full-time ministry these days but I don't know how I would come up with the money to go to seminary in the meantime. I know if this is God's will, He will provide the necessary funds. However, I am still unsure as to whether this is what God wants for me or it's just what I prefer. Perhaps I really DID catch the lazybug and just don't feel like entering the workforce at all!

Whatever it is, I am going to listen for His voice.

I refuse to live a normal life when I've got Christ living in me!

VBS & C.L.I.M.B. On Mainstreet

I just got home from C.L.I.M.B. (Young adults' Bible study) and VBS (Vacation Bible School) earlier. Don't really feel like blogging; partly because there's too much to talk about and I don't want to pick and choose what to write, and also because I'd much rather clean out the container of cold buffalo wings that's sitting next to me right now.

VBS today was awesome. It's the fourth day now that I've been working with those first graders and I think we've all really warmed up to each other. Today this kid whose name I keep forgetting kept hugging me and telling me how I was his favourite teacher. Of course that was a nice thing to hear, but I didn't want to revel in that. To be honest, the greater reward was seeing the other kid who has been so quiet hiding in his shell all this time slowly come out of his comfort zone. On Monday J just kept sitting there without much emotion on his face. So I prayed that God would use me to help him feel God's love. Bit by bit, little by little, I would just do or say little things to cheer J up. I would purposely call him out in class to let him know that I recognise his existence. And thanks to some miracle God worked, he actually started smiling and dancing yesterday! I was even more astounded today when I saw him try to speak to another kid next to him. And that smile! That smile is so priceless......

I never thought I'd find so much pleasure in other people's children.

I know that sounds weird, but children are just not my thing! They aren't the first people I usually try to hang out with. I used to think they were noisy and annoying. I'm okay with my own cousins or little brothers, but why would I want to bother with other children right?

Now I see that all children are precious in God's eyes. Once I was a child too- and it took very dedicated and caring adults to understand that all I needed was for someone to recognise my existence. All the bad things that I used to say or do that drove adults up the wall was really a cry for help. I was really trying to say: "HERE I AM! I EXIST!" but felt like nobody was listening.

I see now that all these children feel the same way. Some of them may have had their voices beaten or yelled out of them. I may never know. But what I do know is that while I'm in their lives, I want them to know and remember that God loves them. And because God loves me, I can love them too.

After VBS, I immediately went to a short C.L.I.M.B. meeting which was unorthodoxly held by the black ball fountain by the Lansdale train station. We were there to hand out free bottles of clean water to remind people that millions of people go without clean drinking water daily. Not only that, but we were also there to share a bit about the C.L.I.M.B. ministry at our church and what we do.

The usual suspects were there- teenagers, loiterers, people waiting for buses on the way home...

I pray that God will grow the seeds that we planted in their hearts tonight.

So even though I didn't physically do much today, I feel as if I've been working a lot. Working for God that is.

Yet instead of feeling drained, I'm feeling a sort of...... late afternoon sweetness. I don't know what else to call it. I just took a cold shower and it's 37 Celsius out and I'm sitting on my armchair about to swallow all those delicious buffalo wings. I'd say life is good. I did my part today.

How nice it is. This peace, this joy! I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thank you God!

Feelin' The Power

Tonight, instead of going to C.L.I.M.B. as I usually do on Thursday nights, I went to Joe's friend's house for a tea gathering since Pastor Jay was out of town and all of us C.L.I.M.B.ers had agreed that we should be there in Schwenksville instead, drinking tea with folks who may not necessarily believe in Jesus Christ.

When I got there, I felt immediately in my spirit that it was a place not very welcome to the gospel of Jesus Christ, but also not entirely closed to it. I could sense a sort of despair and "lost-ness" in the air that I used to be familiar with... maybe almost depression, in the faces of some. But I was glad to see my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ show up together in one accord.

Around 21:30, right when I was about to leave, I went outside to the backyard only to find out that a girl had been taken by a seizure and that this was the first time she had had it at this regular tea-drinking meeting. Immediately, God put it upon my heart that this was no regular seizure, but a spiritual attack on the people that were there and a sort of intimidation tactic thrown at us Christians who were there in especial numeric force.

It was a beautiful sight to see- Becky, who just so happens to be a nurse, was on the scene to administer to that girl. All of us C.L.I.M.B.ers felt that we had to pray together and so we gathered out to pray in that backyard after the girl had been carried away by medical professionals.

We prayed for so many things and my spirit soared as the Holy Spirit intervened and prayed on behalf of us all, but all around I felt a hostile spirit of anger continue to lash out at us through spiteful neighbours' comments (they watched us from their adjacent backyards), other non-believing tea-drinkers and random looker-ons. But I knew that they could not do anything but to taunt us because He who is in us, is greater than he who is in this world. I knew that the Lord had us under His wings and that nothing could harm us.

It's been a night of intense spiritual warfare and I think this is the first time that I've fought the battle in prayer with the C.L.I.M.B.ers in such a united way. I am so encouraged and strengthened by the fact that God is willing to work through me despite all my doubts and fears. I know that He is with me at all times through all situations.

No doubt, there were many things that were tempting me from going to this event tonight- and now I see why. The devil didn't want us getting together in the name of Jesus Christ! Because when two or three come together in His name, He is with us. The Lord Jesus Christ is with us!

Amazing.

July Second

Quick summary...

Wednesday: Philadelphia Orchestra playing Tchaikovsky with Tanya.

Fireworks after the performance.

Thursday: C.L.I.M.B. invited to Pastor Mark's house.

Dinner with friends.

Saturday (today): fishing with Sara at Peace Valley Park.

Tomorrow is Sunday, which means that Fourth of July is right around the corner. Unlike the previous years, my family has not planned to be at a traditional BBQ with the rest of our relatives. Instead, they're having a friend over and we're gonna do goodness knows what.

To be honest, I was really disappointed when I found out that we weren't going to a BBQ because it's our last summer here in the U.S. for the next few years and I haven't celebrated Fourth of July with the whole family for what, the past three years?

Besides New Year's Eve and Chinese New Year, Fourth of July has got to be one of my favourite holidays; just because it's in the summer and it usually includes all the things that I love- barbecues, pool, fireworks, family and friends.

Time is flying and it ain't coming back.

Come to think about it, why is it called "Fourth of July" anyway? In the States, people write dates with the month first followed by the date. For example, today would be July second, instead of second July like we would say in Singapore. It's kind of ironic that this truly American holiday is called "Fourth of July" instead of "July fourth".

Six Flags, Challenger Baseball & Inception

WHAT A WEEKEND!

I should be in bed right now, catching some Z's before this upcoming week starts, but I decided not to procrastinate blogging about this weekend instead.

On Saturday, I went to Six Flags with some trackies and we were basically there from noon till night when the park closed.

Our very first ride was the awesome Kingda Ka- which goes 128mph, straight up and straight down. Two people in our group had never been on it before and were really freaked out just looking at the coaster while we were waiting in line.

Fortunately, they survived the ride.

The rest of the day was just spent going from coaster to coaster to coaster.

At the end of it all, we were so tired that we just crashed on the way home. "Crashed" meaning "fell asleep" of course.

To everybody's delight, Rob's wonderful mother cooked us a nice hot meal and we got to fill our empty bellies with hot wings, pasta and marinated cucumber slices.

Food always tastes better when you're hungry!

I barely got any sleep last night because by the time I got home, it was pretty late and I had to get up early this morning for church.

After church today, I went with our young adult's group, C.L.I.M.B. to help out at an event called Challenger Baseball. We were there to play alongside disabled children who would normally not be able to play a regular game of baseball.

The kid that Steph and I got assigned to was such a cutie. I was really impressed with his attention span actually. At his age, I would not have been as calm as he was on the field. Instead of watching the pitcher, I would probably be running around, messing up other people's game.

Yet he was able to stand there and play despite the hordes of gnats and sandflies buzzing around our heads.

I, on the other hand, was whipping my ponytail back and forth like a horse's tail- trying to sweep all the flies out of my face.

Needless to say, we all had a blast.

I actually really enjoyed watching all the kids play because it was just such a positive environment to be in. All the adults were encouraging, caring and loving. If all kids had parents like those kids had, this world would be such an amazing place!

After Challenger Baseball, I headed to Steph's place so we could watch the movie "Inception" together in the basement.

Got there just in time to watch a beautiful sun setting in the horizon.

I really really love C.L.I.M.B. activities and wish we could do something fun like this movie night everyday.

I know I said this before, but being around Christians is such a different environment- in a good way.

While we were in Six Flags, I'd actually noticed many people walking around with Christian T-shirts on. I started to think it was really odd (but SO COOL) when I heard a rollercoaster-full of people humming a MercyMe song together.

I saw the lady standing next to us in line wearing a Star 99.1 T-shirt and so I asked her about it since I listen to that Christian radio station too. It turned out that there was actually a Star 99.1 event- a MercyMe concert, happening in Six Flags on Saturday!

I was like: whhaaaaaattttt??? COOOOLLLL!!!!!

I had heard about this event on the radio but never really thought about it since I was sure I wasn't going to be going to Six Flags on that weekend anyway. But there I was, in Six Flags, on the same day as the concert!

Sadly, none of my trackie pals wanted to watch the concert at all. Not even for five minutes. They just weren't a whole lot interested in the Jesus thing I guess. But no matter, they will be someday! I believe in the transforming power of the Holy Spirit :)

When I found out the reason why there were so many people wearing Christian T-shirts in Six Flags that day, it kind of gave me goosebumps for two reasons.

The first was that I had actually thought about wearing my C.L.I.M.B. T-shirt to Six Flags on Saturday but decided not to because I didn't want to make the trackies feel uncomfortable. I regretted that decision when I got to the park.

Secondly, I had prayed the night before for God to surround us when we were in Six Flags so that nothing would go wrong and that I would watch my thoughts, actions and behaviour around my teammates as an example for Christ.

Talk about surrounding us... Hahaha.

God really delivered!

Barbecue & Becoming Unrecognisable

Just got home from a barbecue at Becky's.

After a prayer meeting at church this evening, we decided to go to her place to cook hamburgers on the grill. Bacon hamburgers, that is!

It wasn't long before they were all gone. The cook was awesome, the company was great and the pickles made everything go down really easily.

After dinner, we spent the rest of the night playing cards sitting on the road outside the garage.

It all sounds very simple, but I actually had a lot of fun. Mostly because I wasn't constantly feeling on edge as the people around me weren't spitting curse words left and right. I also felt comfortable because I knew that I could speak freely about Christ if I wished to. Hanging out with Christian friends is really different from hanging out with non-Christians.

It seems as if the very air around us changes when Jesus' name isn't thrown around meaninglessly.

How I wish sometimes that all the people I hung out with were only Christian friends... But that's just impossible. Not to mention, cutting myself out from the world like that would be going against God's command to be a light in this dark world (Matthew 5:14-15) and to spread the gospel wherever we can (Mark 16:15).

Yesterday, my mom said something really interesting.

She said that after spending some time with my dad this past week, she realised that he has become a completely different person that she could not recognise anymore. She said that he was just so different from the man she met almost twenty odd years ago.

Thankfully, the change she indicates is a positive one, all thanks to the workings of God in his life.

When I thought more about it, I saw how fortunate my dad was even through his trials over the years. Even at my age, he had already amassed quite a small fortune and he believes that he would have become a multi-millionaire by now if not for the stock markets crashing in the 90s.

If my dad had not lost his money and prestige back then, would he have drawn this near to God over the years? It's quite unlikely. I think he would have continued living in a wayward fashion, caring only for himself and little for the needs of others.

Harsh, I know. But I say this because my dad and I have more or less the same sort of personality in this matter. If God had not brought me down at certain points in my life, you can be sure that my head would be the size of Jupiter right now.

This is precisely why "sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart." (Ecclesiastes 7:3).

You don't see successful people happily running to church after they hit the jackpot, win homecoming queen, or become the president of the United States. The people that you truly see repenting and turning their lives to God are usually the people who have been so broken down and battered by life that they finally understood how undeserving they are.

Obviously some people will twist this by saying that when people come to a dead end in life, religion is just one of the things that they will turn to, alcohol being another one of the "escapes".

Perhaps.

But the broken are so much more better off than those who live their entire lives with smiles on their faces and empty souls on the inside- only to die one day and realise that they have wasted their time on earth when Jesus was calling their name every single day.

Anyway, what my mom said about my dad really made an impact on me and I had to ask myself this question: will people still recognise me in twenty years?

My preferred answer would be- no.

I don't want to be recognisable.

I want people to look at the person I am (if I'm still alive, God-willing) and not be able to see any traces of the old me at all. If I am loud and boisterous now, I want to become a godly woman of a "quiet and gentle spirit" (1 Peter 3:4). If I am a lazy bum now, I want to become an industrious, hardworking woman who gets up before dawn to tend to matters (Proverbs 31:10-31).

I know what some of you are thinking...

Fat chance! No way! Impossible!

Trust me, I have doubts too.

But one thing I do not doubt, that my God is able and He is willing to take this heart and change it into something so different, so amazing, that you would not be able to deny that it was God who did it when it is done!