Failing In The Future

Today is going to be a church marathon of sorts. I'm attending the 12:30 bilingual service (English & Chinese combined), having lunch, then rushing off to Lakeside for the Nazarene home Bible study. I might not get home until it gets dark. At this rate, I wonder when my laundry is ever going to get done? Nobody knows how to use this washing machine except my mom, but nobody knows which of my clothes can't go in the dryer except I. Yet we never seem to be home at the same time. 

Anyway, I'm kind of excited to see what today will hold. There are so many things that could possibly take place or be said and done. What will today's future be like? Guess I'll find out by the end of today...

Sometimes I think about how God knows us so well that He already knows that we will choose a certain path down the road. It must really break His heart, or encourage Him to have that kind of foresight. Imagine me praying that I will give my life to Him; yet He already foresees that I would fail Him later. Basically like how Jesus foretold that Peter would disown Him three times before the rooster crowed. Ironically, even after Peter heard Jesus' prediction, he still disowned Christ! 

Honestly, this only goes to show how loving our Heavenly Father is. He actually loves us sooo much that even though He knows we will trip up in our future, He is still willing to forgive us and show us His salvation when we go to Him with sincere hearts. He doesn't say "oh, I would forgive you, but do you know that by this time next Monday, you'll be cursing my name? So, I can't really do anything for you right now until next Tuesday when you will repent..."

Instead, God loves us enough to trust us with His heart. He shows us His love when we seek it. Unconditionally He makes Himself known to us. He doesn't wait until we are washed white as snow before He comes into our lives. Rather, He comes into our hearts then washes us white as snow. 

Okay, I guess what I'm trying to say is, God loves us so much that He trusts us to make our own decisions. And even though He may foresee failure in our future, that doesn't stop Him from loving us anyway. If you knew your friend was going to betray you next week (let's say she cheats with your boyfriend), would you still buy her that expensive Prada bag for her birthday tomorrow? I know many people wouldn't... 

Thank you God for Your great love! That You were willing to forgive us and die for us before we were even born. And that You are also willing to forgive us even though we are still yet imperfect and may fail you in the future. I pray that I will trust in You as You have so faithfully trusted me with Your heart. In Jesus' name, Amen!

The Burden Of Making & Keeping Friends

Friends come and go. We've all experienced this, and the world tells us that it's normal. But is it normal for a Christian? When Christ tells us to "love others as yourself", does that include the option of choosing who you want to love?

I think the answer is a clear NO.

From my recent posts, you may have gathered that I'm really struggling with some friendship issues.

The thing is, I've been getting hurt a lot lately by people whom I considered as good friends. Most of them are hurting me unintentionally, but it doesn't make the pain any less real, nor does it excuse their words and actions. However, I can't change them anymore than I can stop water from pouring over the Niagara Falls. The only person I can change in these situations is myself.

And I am so afraid of falling into the trap of avoiding and leaving them like I am prone to doing. I know that may not be what God wants me to do right now.

While I understand that in abusive relationships, staying and "riding it out" isn't usually the wise option, I just feel that shutting out other people isn't being a very good witness for Christ.

But oh it's so hard!

Every time I make the decision to love a person who has hurt me, I feel like I die a little bit inside. I literally feel my heart pulse with sadness as I choose to forget the things they have done or said. It pains me to realise that they may never understand the sacrifice I've given in my heart... Not for their sakes, but because of what Christ has done for me.

How can I not forgive when Jesus has so freely forgiven me- a disgusting worm?

Dear Lord Jesus, help me and sustain me in my time of need. Help me to focus on the love that you have spilled on the cross. Give me the strength to continue loving those who misunderstand me and hate me without reason. Forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me. Let no bitterness or hate take root in my heart, but fill my spirit with Your love, compassion and peace. I want to see others as You see them. In Jesus' Name I ask all these, Amen!

Living In Reverse

I just finished reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I especially loved the ending because it gave me a powerful reminder about living in reverse.

For example, when God tells us to love our enemies, how would that really look like in our lives? I mean, we as Christians talk about it all the time, but how exactly do we love our enemies?

Francis described our enemies as possibly people who annoy us, or people whom we try to avoid or people that we don't like talking to because they irritate us.

I used to think that I didn't have a lot of enemies. But the way Francis Chan describes "enemies", I realised that I actually do have a whole lotta them. People that I've just conveniently shoved out of my life because I didn't want to "deal with them".

Yet God commands us to LOVE them.

I honestly can't say when was the last time I did or said anything loving to these people without expecting anything in return. I certainly don't treat them the way I wish to be treated because I was busy "protecting" myself from the hurt I knew they would cause me. I try to justify the way I act by remembering all the times they've attacked me without cause. Wouldn't it make sense to NOT put yourself out there, only to get stepped on again? But that's definitely not acting in love. That's acting in fear.

Whew. Major heart check.

Jesus, give me the strength and courage to do exactly as You say! I'm sorry that I've slid back into my comfort zone and watered down Your Word. I am sorry for only caring about my needs and not the needs of others. Put Your love in my heart so that I may love those who hate me, who talk bad behind my back. Help me to translate that love into real actions so that I may treat them the way I know I want to be treated. Help me to remember that I am but dust of this earth- here today and gone tomorrow. Nobody owes me anything, but I owe You my life! Teach me to live my life washing the feet of others, humbled daily and taking up my cross. Take me out of my comfort zone and let Your Holy Spirit transform my life. In Jesus' Name I pray, let it be so, Amen!