Thursday, July 28, 2011

Can't Sleep

How often have I said that I couldn't sleep when my eyes actually feel heavy? Yet even as I lie down, my brain is thinking of doing a million other things. Since midnight, I've been on GarageBand making up a stupid song which ended up sounding like a bad techno/ambient mix. I titled it "Surfin' All Day". Who knows, if I add my autotuned voice, it could be the next viral hit......

I guess I just really miss music. I miss listening to it constantly, playing it on my violin, piano and guitar. I miss dreaming up orchestral tunes in my head at night. I wish I had the gift of transcribing notes fluently.

Now the question remains: stay awake till tomorrow night or sleep a few hours and get up early so I don't mess up my system too much?


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Slow Death

I've been reading this book Slow Death By Rubber Duck and...... what else can I say?

I've known, or rather, felt for some time now that a lot of things that we surround ourselves with are just plain bad. It shouldn't take decades of research, years of government and corporation fighting to take toxic chemicals out of our everyday items like toys, toiletries and kitchen utensils- let alone our food!

By mid- 2009, I had gotten to the point where I started to become paranoid about everything. I realised that it was impossible to escape pollution outside and inside my home. Almost 95 percent of what I eat comes wrapped in toxic plastic. The air I breathe is infused with industrial fumes. Everything that I use is unnatural and will probably never decompose without environmental detriment of some sort. I truly felt that I could never escape the nets of cancer-causing elements that surrounded me.

Environmental issues weren't the only things that were plaguing my life at that point. I had also become very bitter about engineered poverty and the general numbing and dumbing down of society. Won't go into detail about that since nobody seems to get it anyway and that frustrates me.

What could I do about it?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I felt utterly alone in my disillusionment and began to read Ecclesiastes to sooth my nerves. No one around me seemed to get it or were invariably apathetic. I felt like only God could comprehend my pain.

Yes, it was painful. The more God revealed to me about the plight of things, the more my heart and head began to hurt at the injustice and futility of it all.

I don't know why people seem to view me as the kind who would want to fight for changes in policy, or as someone who would want to indulge in long intelligent academic discussions about stuff. Professors and nerdy students always seem to pounce on me to get me involved in that sort of "how do you think such-and-such model can be used to implement bla bla bla" conversations. By the end of my senior year of college, I had learnt to shut up, give them the blank stare and pretend I was stupid. It was very difficult (those of you who know me can imagine how hard it is for me to shut up for five seconds), but not as difficult as trying to explain that we operate on two entirely different belief/philosophical systems and therefore my worldview and theirs have nothing to do with each other at all. They are in opposition to each other.

I'm not a little bit pessimistic. I am VERY pessimistic. In fact, when it comes to political, environmental and whatever else is wrong with our world issues, I am not up or down for any sort of discussion.

Why? Because I don't believe that we can ever solve all these problems. Not in this day and age at least. And certainly not with human knowledge and wisdom.

I acknowledge that as a human race, we simply do not have the will, morals, wisdom or ability to create a perfect world; and I am not about to go waste my time pretending that I can bring about world peace by political wrangling or social networking mobilisation.

This world IS ending. It will never be perfect. Things are only getting worse whether or not you can see it. Christ is coming back to create a new heaven and a new earth. And He is coming back VERY SOON from the look of things.

Why bother? That's what I kept telling myself.

If things will never be perfect until Christ comes, why bother with the world? Why not ride this out and wait for Him to come?

I'd like to agree with myself, but I am constantly reminded as well that as Christians who love God and people, we are the "salt of the earth" and the "light of the world" (Matthew 5:13-16).

Not only is salt a flavour-enhancer, it is also a natural preservative. As salt of this earth, we add flavour to the lives of people around us and also preserve the earth from its ongoing and eventual decay.

Imagine this world as one big piece of rotting flesh. There are flies perching everywhere; maggots and all kinds of disgusting bacteria live in it. But here and there are little flecks of salt keeping the earth from completely becoming a ball of grossness in just a few days.

Now imagine your room at night with all the lights out. You cannot see a thing. That is what the world is like today. Turn your handphone on and what do you see? A light- a very bright light now that your eyes have been accustomed to the dark! That's what Christians are supposed to look like. A lighthouse shining in the distance so that ships may know not to crash into the rocks or where to harbour.

So while the world is going to end and I cannot solve all problems, I must do something. But that something will not be resting in the wisdom of this world.

Although I studied Economics in college, I've come to see all those theories and philosophies about how to deal with stuff as a separate religion founded in lies and foolishness. I don't dislike Economics because the math boggles my mind. I dislike it because it is so STUPID compared to the wisdom I've found in the Bible. In fact, everything is stupid and meaningless when you place it next to the Bible. Even science is stupid. I shall not expand on that either because it'll be another frustrating exposition that little to nobody will get.

Everything we do is meaningless... The only meaningful thing we could ever do on this earth is to follow God's Word and to love others. That's all.

Dear Lord, please help me to discern Your voice in a crowd of voices. Show me Your ways and guide me. Help me not to sink into depression again- thinking that everything is futile and meaningless, but rather lift me up by revealing to me Your purpose in my life. I know that my time here is not coincidence, nor is it happenstance. You created me for a specific purpose. I pray that You will continue to show me Your good way and that I will not hesitate to follow You wherever You call me to go. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

I mean, I feel fine and all, but this evening as I sat outside applying nail polish, the irony of the whole scene struck me. Why not just swallow a whole bottle of phtalates while I'm at it?

I remember a time when I would not even touch moisturiser. Now that I've given up on the world at large, I'm sploshing it all back on my skin. I guess I just don't care anymore about whether or not I get cancer in fifteen years.

Then I started thinking about my future children......


Sunday, July 24, 2011

Lancaster City & Listening Well

I just took a shower but my hair's still wet so I can't go to bed yet.

The heatwave that hit our area this week is still hanging around and the air still feels a little thick tonight. Unfortunately, I can't help but feel a little apprehensive at this reminder of what Singapore's humid air feels like on a daily basis. So here I go again... longing for what I do not have (snow, please!)?

Anyway, I drove Steph to Millersville University last night where she had to take an exam this morning.

At 07:20 sharp I put on my running shoes and went jogging around the neighbourhood. It was a tad creepy since nobody was out on the street and I felt as if people were watching me from their windows. As a result, for the rest of the morning, I dared not to step out of the house but waited inside instead for Steph to come back. I spent the whole time reading, sleeping and watching a part of Lion King.

The thing is, the special edition Lion King DVD that I watched included a new song called "Morning Report" and it totally spoiled the scene! I mean, it's a nice song and all but that's not the Lion King I memorised as a teenager. My childhood memories felt violated for a second there.

It was 37 Celsius outside and the 18 Celsius inside the house made it a whole lot more welcoming.

Steph came back and we drove off to Lancaster City. I felt like a tourist with a camera. As usual.

Before we got to Lancaster City, I tried to imagine what it would look like and to be honest I wasn't expecting much. I thought it would be more or less like a sleepy old Pennsylvanian town. I was quite surprised to see some familiar Jersey City-reminscent sights like Spanish billboards and grated windows.

They gave me an odd sensation of being at home. Guess Jersey City rubs off on you after a while.

But Steph is right. Every city is so different and has its own personality and culture. Lancaster City was definitely in a league of its own.

Met up with her friend Hilary for lunch.

Spyro Gyros.

You should have seen Hilary's face when her gigantic plate of food arrived. Nobody expected it to be so large and colourful.

My lamb and beef gyro was really good, but had none of that New York City grease that I was half-expecting to taste.

The drive back home wound through scenic Amish country. We passed quite a few horse buggies on the way.

Mummy cooked an amazing dinner as always. She doesn't know it, but I thought it was very delicious.

Stir-fried prawns.


Another weekend gone by. Spent.

I actually really appreciate the past few weeks of growing spiritually with Steph. I feel like we really got to know each other better through our countless conversations with and about God and I learnt so much from her too.

One thing that she has taught me, or reminded me of, is to stop cutting people off in conversation. Steph once mentioned how one of her pet peeves is when people cut her off in the middle of her speaking and I've been watching myself ever since. To my utter dismay, I discovered that I LOVE to cut people off in conversation and that I do it all the time without even thinking about it! I guess that's something I'll have to work on from now on.

I want to be a good listener because I can learn more from others by listening well than by speaking well anyway.

Bis dann, auf wiedersehen!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

VBS & C.L.I.M.B. On Mainstreet

I just got home from C.L.I.M.B. (Young adults' Bible study) and VBS (Vacation Bible School) earlier. Don't really feel like blogging; partly because there's too much to talk about and I don't want to pick and choose what to write, and also because I'd much rather clean out the container of cold buffalo wings that's sitting next to me right now.

VBS today was awesome. It's the fourth day now that I've been working with those first graders and I think we've all really warmed up to each other. Today this kid whose name I keep forgetting kept hugging me and telling me how I was his favourite teacher. Of course that was a nice thing to hear, but I didn't want to revel in that. To be honest, the greater reward was seeing the other kid who has been so quiet hiding in his shell all this time slowly come out of his comfort zone. On Monday J just kept sitting there without much emotion on his face. So I prayed that God would use me to help him feel God's love. Bit by bit, little by little, I would just do or say little things to cheer J up. I would purposely call him out in class to let him know that I recognise his existence. And thanks to some miracle God worked, he actually started smiling and dancing yesterday! I was even more astounded today when I saw him try to speak to another kid next to him. And that smile! That smile is so priceless......

I never thought I'd find so much pleasure in other people's children.

I know that sounds weird, but children are just not my thing! They aren't the first people I usually try to hang out with. I used to think they were noisy and annoying. I'm okay with my own cousins or little brothers, but why would I want to bother with other children right?

Now I see that all children are precious in God's eyes. Once I was a child too- and it took very dedicated and caring adults to understand that all I needed was for someone to recognise my existence. All the bad things that I used to say or do that drove adults up the wall was really a cry for help. I was really trying to say: "HERE I AM! I EXIST!" but felt like nobody was listening.

I see now that all these children feel the same way. Some of them may have had their voices beaten or yelled out of them. I may never know. But what I do know is that while I'm in their lives, I want them to know and remember that God loves them. And because God loves me, I can love them too.

After VBS, I immediately went to a short C.L.I.M.B. meeting which was unorthodoxly held by the black ball fountain by the Lansdale train station. We were there to hand out free bottles of clean water to remind people that millions of people go without clean drinking water daily. Not only that, but we were also there to share a bit about the C.L.I.M.B. ministry at our church and what we do.

The usual suspects were there- teenagers, loiterers, people waiting for buses on the way home...

I pray that God will grow the seeds that we planted in their hearts tonight.

So even though I didn't physically do much today, I feel as if I've been working a lot. Working for God that is.

Yet instead of feeling drained, I'm feeling a sort of...... late afternoon sweetness. I don't know what else to call it. I just took a cold shower and it's 37 Celsius out and I'm sitting on my armchair about to swallow all those delicious buffalo wings. I'd say life is good. I did my part today.

How nice it is. This peace, this joy! I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thank you God!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

VBS & Running

For this whole week, I am volunteering my time for Vacation Bible School (VBS) which is happening from 18:00 to 20:30 every night at the church. The kids who come range from preschoolers to eighth graders... I think? And I'm there to help with the first graders (6-7 year olds).

I must say, even though kids aren't the first thing that would naturally pop into my mind when it comes to ministry, I've definitely gotten a lot out of the past two days. Since I knew that kids weren't naturally my thing, I prayed before VBS that God would give me the patience and guidance to deal with whatever situations came my way. And to my utter surprise and amazement, God has given me so much more.

I see so much potential in these children. I see their hearts and minds and what they think and long for. But most importantly, God has given me a heart for the children- especially the ones who are quiet and timid. I love to draw them out in conversation and to see some kind of emotion flicker across their faces for a moment. Now I truly see how rewarding a child's smile can be.

The cool thing is that, the kids aren't the only ones learning things from their time at VBS.

I was feeling very low today, having disappointed God once more. I was so scared that I was starting to backslide and didn't even feel like praying for forgiveness anymore. I thought to myself- "God isn't going to keep forgiving me. He's probably sick of me slipping and falling all the time". I felt worthless and weak. Degraded and stupid.

But when I was sitting among the children listening to the lesson today, the speaker said something that almost brought tears to my eyes.

She said: "Does God love you when you do something wrong? Yes! Does God like it when you keep doing wrong things? No! But remember that no matter what happens, God will always love you."

I prayed in my heart that the little boy sitting next to me who had been silent most of yesterday and today would feel God's love. Yet at the same time, I felt my heart jump at this simple message.

Wow. God loves me no matter what!

I need more and more of this assurance each day. Ever since two weeks ago when I've really been engaged in prayer with C.L.I.M.B., things have not been going too smoothly. While God is answering prayers left and right, Satan is also trying to get in between us.

I know how important it is to keep praying for everyone else, but I also really hope that someone out there is praying for me. I really need it.

With that said, a heatwave is headed our way towards the end of this week, which means I won't get as much running at all. On Monday (it was 33 Celsius out); I felt really really really dizzy by the end of my four-mile run. The drive back was brutal because I felt so weak at times it was hard to turn the wheel. I think that's an indication that running in the predicted 38 Celsius weather this Thursday would not be a good idea.

Till then...

Weekend In Pictures

July 15th full moon.

Gorgeous skies the next day.

Weekend of hiking.


Polski kielbasi.



And fellowship.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

01:15 To Monday

What a weekend, what a day!

I am soooooo tired.

Will write about the rest tomorrow.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Peaceful Summer Day

Whew I just spent about five hours straight baking a cheesecake and some raspberry linzer bars. It all looks so easy when you step into a store and see cakes and pastries all lined up prettily behind the display. But when you try to actually bake a cake, it's a whole different story.

Well I guess the mixing part is pretty fun, but the cleaning up isn't.

I wonder how much longer will my life be this quiet and peaceful? I have no worries, no stress, no nothing whatsoever but stretches of sunny days ahead. At least that's what it seems right now. I am fully resting in the arms of the Lord... and what a peaceful place it is. How secure, how loving, how beautiful.

Today I just lay out on the deck with Koshka and listened to flies buzzing in the distance as I stared up in the sapphire sky. The air was perfect- not too hot, not too cool. I could feel myself melting into the clouds. The trees were greener than usual......

La la la

Saturday, July 09, 2011

IBSP & More Spiritual Warfare

Went to Island Beach State Park yesterday with some friends.

Though the weather seemed unpredictable, it turned out to be a really nice day again. Not too sunny and not too cold- all thanks to prayer again!

I loved that the water felt slightly cool and the waves were perfect to body surf on.
After a nice stint on the beach, we cleaned up, packed up and drove the car further south to explore another part of the state park.

Unbeknownst to us, this particular section was infested with hordes of man-eating mosquitoes. It was a nightmare straight out of a scene from Jumanji.

Our short trek landed us on the beach where we dipped our toes for a while.

The place was empty except for one brave couple who decided that they were okay with man-eating mosquitoes all around.

Unable to take the bites any longer, we headed back to the car, only to find our legs covered in red welts.

Went to Umi for sushi afterwards.

Steph and I split a plate and it was really good!

I got home feeling all tired from the three hour drive but it was all good...... until I got onto Facebook.

Without going into details, I will just say that somebody had completely flipped out on me because of a misunderstanding and said some things that were hurtful to me on many different levels. This is a person whom I've always known to dislike me and has hurt me on several occasions by bringing up my past and airing it out in front of me and other people.

So to read those things and get vibes of complete hatred come against me really overwhelmed me for a while.

I was so glad that I could call Khads to cry and talk about it.

I just felt so stuck. I felt like I was under attack for no good reason and no matter what I did or said, there was nothing I could do to amend the situation.

That's when I realised that I really was under attack. Spiritual attack, that is.

Jay said a few weeks back during C.L.I.M.B. that Satan will try to attack you using two methods: either by messing up your relationships, or calling up your past to bring you down.

Last night, both of those tactics were definitely thrown out at me.

Khads prayed for me but I'll admit that I wasn't praying whole-heartedly along with her. I was just too distracted by my own state of mind. As a result, this entire day was spent in almost utter irritation at anything and everything possible.

It finally came to a point where I could feel a headache coming on and I knew I needed to just get out of the house, go for a run and have a talk with God.

So I did that.

And as I ran, God spoke to my heart. I knew I was being stubborn about certain things but He helped me give it up and leave behind me. I drove home in a much improved mood and things are better now.

I cannot believe how hard this week has been for me spiritually. Everyday it's just something else. But while times are tough, God is tougher. And all these trials and tribulations are doing nothing but pull me closer to the One who comforts and sustains me. In every way and everyday, His presence goes before me and I am so grateful for that.

Thank You, Lord, for being so patient with my disbelief this week. For understanding my weakness and my impatience. I've failed you so many times in my heart- but I know that when my imperfection manifests and I give it up to You, it is an opportunity for You to shave it off of me. I know that You are making me to be just like You. Thank You for continuing to do so. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Feelin' The Power

Tonight, instead of going to C.L.I.M.B. as I usually do on Thursday nights, I went to Joe's friend's house for a tea gathering since Pastor Jay was out of town and all of us C.L.I.M.B.ers had agreed that we should be there in Schwenksville instead, drinking tea with folks who may not necessarily believe in Jesus Christ.

When I got there, I felt immediately in my spirit that it was a place not very welcome to the gospel of Jesus Christ, but also not entirely closed to it. I could sense a sort of despair and "lost-ness" in the air that I used to be familiar with... maybe almost depression, in the faces of some. But I was glad to see my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ show up together in one accord.

Around 21:30, right when I was about to leave, I went outside to the backyard only to find out that a girl had been taken by a seizure and that this was the first time she had had it at this regular tea-drinking meeting. Immediately, God put it upon my heart that this was no regular seizure, but a spiritual attack on the people that were there and a sort of intimidation tactic thrown at us Christians who were there in especial numeric force.

It was a beautiful sight to see- Becky, who just so happens to be a nurse, was on the scene to administer to that girl. All of us C.L.I.M.B.ers felt that we had to pray together and so we gathered out to pray in that backyard after the girl had been carried away by medical professionals.

We prayed for so many things and my spirit soared as the Holy Spirit intervened and prayed on behalf of us all, but all around I felt a hostile spirit of anger continue to lash out at us through spiteful neighbours' comments (they watched us from their adjacent backyards), other non-believing tea-drinkers and random looker-ons. But I knew that they could not do anything but to taunt us because He who is in us, is greater than he who is in this world. I knew that the Lord had us under His wings and that nothing could harm us.

It's been a night of intense spiritual warfare and I think this is the first time that I've fought the battle in prayer with the C.L.I.M.B.ers in such a united way. I am so encouraged and strengthened by the fact that God is willing to work through me despite all my doubts and fears. I know that He is with me at all times through all situations.

No doubt, there were many things that were tempting me from going to this event tonight- and now I see why. The devil didn't want us getting together in the name of Jesus Christ! Because when two or three come together in His name, He is with us. The Lord Jesus Christ is with us!


Thursday, July 07, 2011

Running Again

Last week I could barely run 17 minutes straight without stopping to walk- and even after stopping I would feel really light-headed and dizzy.

This week I told myself to stop trying to run at the same speed that I used to back in May (7:45/mile pace) so I've been running at 10:00/mile pace since Monday in an attempt to lengthen my running times. On Monday I actually managed to run for 30mins. Lots of self-doubt that day, but I prayed about it and God pulled me through. By Wednesday I felt a whole lot better and ran up to 40mins.

The weather has been rather hot around 33 Celsius and semi-humid, but eh, I figured it would be worse in Singapore so I might as well enjoy what I can now.

Just to put on my shoes everyday is such a huge struggle for me, but reading track news and Facebook status updates from the trackies really motivates me. Makes me want to get my lazy butt out there and keep pounding.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Fireworks, Casey Anthony & A Vision

Fourth of July was yesterday and it went by just like any other old day. I made some salsa but nobody seemed to like it but myself (I think because I put peaches in it and my parents think that's weird).

In the evening, I drove to Palmer Park in Skippack to watch fireworks with a few peeps.

But what was more amazing than the fireworks was the sunset sky.

The air must've been real dirty for the sunset to look that gorgeous! I'm guessing that it's from all the fireworks that have been going off over the past few days.

I didn't get any pictures of the actual fireworks *gasp!*, because right when the fireworks started, I had to go potty and I did not bring my camera with me! Unfortunately, there was a long line and the potties were a long walk from where we were so I couldn't go get my camera.

The fireworks didn't last too long but they were of amazing quality. Many of them I had never seen before and were simply jaw-dropping. On top of that, they were actually exploding right above where I was queuing! But though the view was great, I kept getting ash falling into my eyes.

Lesson learnt: always ALWAYS bring camera with you to potty!

Ok moving on from potty...

Today, as you may already know, Casey Anthony was found not guilty in the death of her three year old daughter despite overwhelming public opinion that she did indeed kill her child and tried to cover up her crime. In the hour right after the verdict was given, my Facebook newsfeed came alive with all sorts of status updates of people infuriated by what they deemed an unfair judgement. Some were less pointed in their remarks and acknowledged the fact that American justice had been served.

To be honest, a lot of the comments got me kind of riled up. I mean, were any of us there when the crime was committed? No. Were any of us privy to every single detail of the Anthonys' lives in the days and years leading up to this? No. So it's safe to say that none of us really knows what happened for sure.

Cliche as it may sound, only God knows. Only He sees, understands and has been there. And therefore, only God can truly pass a right judgement.

So what's with all this hate pouring out on the Internet? That a murderer (like I said we don't even know if the lady killed her daughter) was let go scott free?

Do people realise, that even though Casey Anthony is "free", she will never be able to live life the same way again? She will forever be known as "Casey Anthony- the murderer who got let go scott free". Do you think this kind of life is better than one in an orange jumpsuit?

I don't believe in coincidences. Casey Anthony was not struck down by God for a reason- that only He knows. But I really wish that everyone could just put themselves in her shoes for just a second and not pass judgement on her or call out curses on her. I know what it feels like to be judged- whether I was guilty or not... and it is a terrible terrible heavy burden. If all these people really believed in the karma they talked about then perhaps they would think twice about what they said on and off the record.

Actually I didn't mean to put up such a long post today but that was really sitting on my mind so I had to blog about it.

But what I really wanted to blog about is something that happened to me last week that's quite amazing yet scary at the same time.

Last Thursday while I was doing nothing particularly interesting, a thought suddenly came to my mind that I should pray about my future husband. It was kind of random since marriage was about the furthest thing from my mind at that moment, but I prayed anyway. Later that night, when I was about to leave Pastor Mark's house that I had gone to for dinner, Dorie came up to me and told me that she had a vision of me in a wedding dress. She said she didn't know why but it came to her during the day and she wanted to let me know.

When Dorie said that, I was stunned. Tears came to my eyes- from a mixture of emotions. I can't even begin to explain how I felt, but it was something like having goosebumps in my mind.

Almost immediately, certain doubts began to come into my mind.

"Is this God really saying something or am I just imagining a coincidence?"
"I am SO FAR away from being prepared for marriage, this seems impossible."

Not to mention, I still had guilt hanging over my head from something I mentioned in an earlier post. I wasn't sure that I was so close to God anymore.

But I knew what I had to do and that was to pray, so I did. I asked for God to clearly confirm if it was indeed Him speaking to me and if He is really promising me a marriage in my future.

The very next day, Steph wrote on my Facebook wall: "I thought of you today when i read this: "We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we dont need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we dont yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently)" Romans 8:24-25"

When I saw that, I immediately knew in my heart that it was the confirmation that I had asked for.

That night I went home and told my mom who just so happened to be having late night supper in the kitchen (she rarely does that). I asked her to pray for me and it turns out that she'd BEEN praying about it!

Then I called my dad the next morning and it also turns out that he was praying about it just the week before.

God is so great.

I've been wondering- what's the point of Dorie having a vision at all? God had never really spoken to me so directly through another person's vision before. He usually just speaks through Bible verses, conversations, songs and sermons to me.

But I am starting to see why He did that whole vision shindig. He already foresaw all the doubts and fears that I would be having in the upcoming weeks. He already knew that I would be so shaken in my faith that I am even questioning my position in His kingdom as His child. So He chose to speak in such a obvious way so that I cannot deny one thing: He has a plan for me, a plan to prosper and not to harm me. A plan to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

I am so overwhelmed by His grace... That even though I fell so far, He is ready to forgive. I know that doesn't justify my sins. It kills me inside when I fail my Heavenly Father. I feel like my spirit is torn apart. But I won't let the devil tell me it's over till it's over.

Whoever he is, wherever he is, I guess God will bring us together someday. I get a little scared thinking about it sometimes (what if he's boring, what if he smells funny, what if he's a bum?), so I think I will stop thinking about it and just pray about it in confidence that God has my best interests at heart. If my mom's got high expectations, how much higher must God's be!

Monday, July 04, 2011

July Third

If yesterday's any indication of what's going down today, I'm really excited!

My mom made an awesome dinner of sushi and we had friends over for dinner.

Later in the evening, we headed down to Conshohoken for fireworks. The whole place was absolutely jammed packed with people and cars. It was crazy!

Yesterday was also Max's birthday so we sang a song to him.

How lucky to have fireworks on your birthday every single year!

Saturday, July 02, 2011

July Second

Quick summary...

Wednesday: Philadelphia Orchestra playing Tchaikovsky with Tanya.

Fireworks after the performance.

Thursday: C.L.I.M.B. invited to Pastor Mark's house.

Dinner with friends.

Saturday (today): fishing with Sara at Peace Valley Park.

Tomorrow is Sunday, which means that Fourth of July is right around the corner. Unlike the previous years, my family has not planned to be at a traditional BBQ with the rest of our relatives. Instead, they're having a friend over and we're gonna do goodness knows what.

To be honest, I was really disappointed when I found out that we weren't going to a BBQ because it's our last summer here in the U.S. for the next few years and I haven't celebrated Fourth of July with the whole family for what, the past three years?

Besides New Year's Eve and Chinese New Year, Fourth of July has got to be one of my favourite holidays; just because it's in the summer and it usually includes all the things that I love- barbecues, pool, fireworks, family and friends.

Time is flying and it ain't coming back.

Come to think about it, why is it called "Fourth of July" anyway? In the States, people write dates with the month first followed by the date. For example, today would be July second, instead of second July like we would say in Singapore. It's kind of ironic that this truly American holiday is called "Fourth of July" instead of "July fourth".