January Updates

Kinda lost the motivation to blog nowadays, even though I might have the time and lots of thoughts to pen down. Half of it is due to laziness, while the other half is just due to boredom I suppose. We simply have too many mediums of communication to choose from these days!

Well there are several things that I want to talk about in this catchup/summary post. 

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Firstly, about my new job. 

I'm currently working as a full-time financial consultant and my work involves meeting people, working out their financial goals as well as matching their needs with suitable insurance products. When I first started telling people that I was considering the insurance industry, I received many different reactions. Some were extremely surprised as to why a college graduate like myself would consider entering the fearsome sales industry. Others said I would be well-suited for this type of work since I am generally an outgoing person. 

I don't really have the time or space to write down all the reasons why I felt the insurance business is the ideal industry for me to be in, but one thing is for sure- with every passing day, I am loving it more and more. I feel almost as if this job was made just for me. Not only does it meet all my requirements for a fulfilling career (opportunity to impact people's lives, proper compensation, flexible hours, opportunity to grow, challenging), it's also opening my eyes to a whole new world that I've never seen. Will elaborate on that last point next time. 

Well, as much as I am enjoying my job, I am also beginning to see that it is not an easy one. In many ways, financial consultancy is a lot like farming to me. No matter what the weather is or how tired you are, you just have to be out there in the field working everyday during the sowing seasons. There is no room for excuses and even less for self-pity. The business is your own and you really do reap what you sow. Therefore, no pain no gain. 

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Next, about my two main hobbies outside of work. 

My passion for skating has cooled down quite a bit since last November. I remember how I used to be so excited when Friday nights would roll around. I would enthusiastically organise the skate every week and put in effort to make sure that everyone is able to make it. Nowadays, I don't even bother to check up on who can skate Friday nights or not. Last week, I didn't even show up, well, partly because of the weather and partly because I just wasn't that fired up about it anymore. While I know that my love for skating will probably flare up again someday, I'm quite comfortable leaving my skates in the backseat for now. 

As for DDR, I'm trying my best to control my daily addiction to it and so I haven't played for the past 2 days. I think the longest I managed to go without DDR so far, with the exception of my trip to Xiamen last December, is 4 days. 

Okay the next bit may not be understood by many, but I want to record it anyway. 

This is my progress in DDR since I started on November 9th 2012... 

Week 1: Bsp 6, dsp 8, speed 1.5

Week 2: 1st AA on Rainbow Rainbow dsp

Week 3: Esp 11

Week 4: (Went to Xiamen)

Week 5: FC & AA on dsp 10 song, esp 12

Week 6: FC & AA on LoveShine esp 10

Week 7: Esp 13

Week 8: A on a bdp 6 song

Week 9: Esp 12-13 (super tiring week)

Week 10: Got Extra Stage on my own with 3 AAs and a B, also AA'ed Theory of Eternity esp 12

Week 11 (This week): B on esp 14 songs (Fire Fire & Amalgamation), passed csp 13 songs

*****Terms used:

FC: Full combo

BSP- Basic Single Player, meaning Basic level, playing only on one side of the machine

DSP- Difficult Single Player

ESP- Expert Single Player

CSP- Challenge Single Player

BDP- Basic Double Player, meaning Basic level, playing on both sides of the machine

A/AA- These are grades based on your scores. To get a AA, you must be very rhythmically accurate. Highest is a AAA (pros achieve this grade fairly easily)

My goal in DDR for the upcoming month is to be able to score at least an A on an Esp 15 song. Right now it just seems impossible. The arrows don't even make sense to my eyes, but Steven and Raymond say it's possible, so I'm hoping that they're right! Apparently the top female players in Singapore are able to get a PFC (perfect full combo, probably at least a AA) on an Esp 15 song. Man, if I can achieve that standard soon, I will be so happy! (Cue song: "I'm So Happy"... Hahaha....... Nevermind...)

Sigh.. Whoever would have thought that I'd have this strange addiction to an arcade game 2 years ago?

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Alright, last but not least, my walk with God. 

If I were to be completely honest with myself, I'd say that my spiritual life has more or less taken a backseat. With all the playing, working and skating around Singapore, I've been spending less and less quality time with God. And because of that, I've been finding it more and more difficult to live a pure and blameless life. 

Take for example my mouth. I used to be more loving and kind with my words, but recently I've found that old spiteful and irritable speech popping up unconsciously again. The worst part is, I feel my heart growing immune to it! It's not even about using bad words, but more like the attitude behind my every sentence. Instead of lifting people up and encouraging them, I've been focusing more on pleasing myself. 

I know that this is displeasing to God, but somehow I just feel my heart getting so cold. 

Last Saturday at fellowship, Eileen was talking about feeling like running away from God even when you know you should run towards God instead. I could totally relate to everything she was saying since I've been feeling that way too. 

It's like you know the right thing to do, but somehow you still disobey God and you feel guilty about it. Yet instead of bringing your sins to God and asking Him for forgiveness, you feel overwhelmed by your guilt instead and try to hide from His love and grace.

It's such a struggle, and even now as I'm typing, I still feel torn... 

Dear God, You alone know what is going on inside my heart. I don't even know what to say or what to ask for anymore, but whatever it is, I just want to be close to You again. And if it takes a storm to bring me close to You, I ask that You will send the rain. Help me not to take Your love for granted, but also help me to accept Your unconditional love and forgiveness. I pray for healing in my heart, for all the many hurts that only You know I have suffered. Fill me up once again with Your Holy Spirit so that I may rest in Your peace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.