I am wondering what happened to me.
This time last year I was so passionate about Christ. It wouldn't take much to convince me to go to any Jesus-related event, talk about any Bible-related stuff or start some mission for God.
Yet today I sit slumped and stumped by my unwillingness to move.
This is the first Thursday that I've not held a Bible study at the school library. For some reason, I just feel more and more discouraged every time I think about things. I tell myself that God is able, but my heart just isn't quite believing it truly.
Is it because I've let God down in some way that I feel like this? Was it something I did or didn't do?
To be honest I couldn't even tell you what this feeling is called. There's just no adjective to describe it. "Lazy" doesn't quite cut it.
But I really really dislike this unproductive streak.
Dear Lord...... What's going on? I need to hear from You again. I need Your divine touch in my life again. Will you please reach out to me and show me the way? Where do I go from here?
Where......
"People never crumble in a day, it's a slow fade" -Casting Crowns
Oh I almost forgot.
When I was scrolling through Facebook, something suddenly caught my eye: it was a post that said "God does not choose the qualified, God qualifies the chosen" -Joselyn
As I read that, I just felt tears come to my eyes... But something in my mind seemed to question if the perfect timing of this message were just my imagination. This isn't the first time I've wavered on messages. Recently I really began to feel my faith challenged by thoughts like these. What if I were just imagining things? What if God didn't choose me? What if I am just "making it all up?"
A few Bible studys ago, we talked about how as a Christian grows closer to God, the temptations that will challenge his walk tend to veer from more "fleshly sins" like stealing, murder, etc. to things concerning lack of faith and spiritual doubting.
I find that I am becoming to be more of the latter. Yet God calls us to be as children if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven, not over-cynical adults.
You know what, I just need to log off right now and spend some time in prayer.
Bye.
