Sunday, November 09, 2008

Mom Dynamics and Life

So this morning right before I left for church, I got on Facebook only to see that my mom had left a message on my wall telling me not to put a picture of my in my bikini sitting by the pool as my profile picture.

First reaction: Pissed. This is none of her business! I didn't even want to add any of my family members on Facebook in the first place because of this very reason- I didn't want them commenting on every little thing that I did; especially my mom, since she has a bad opinion on most of my friends and she's pretty mean/blatant about it.

However after a few minutes of fuming, I decided to change the picture anyway. It was a totally uncharacteristic thing for me to do but I did it anyway.

I left for church with a very sour taste in my mouth.

I really don't like it when my mom tries to stick her fingers into little aspects of my life, especially my social life. Every since I was about 10, I've never ever had a single BFF whom she did not hate with a passion. First it was Cassandra, then it was Alexandrine, then it was Nicole, then finally Tanya (whom she still hates with a passion).

And I always ask myself, why? Why is it that she hates all of them? She always says the same thing; that they're a bad influence on me. But what about me? Perhaps I'm a bad influence on them too... no? The thing that gets me the most is the way she treats them.

I think this was a month or so ago, but Tanya and I were at the mall... Some time later, my mom came by. She hadn't seen Tanya in a really long time since Tanya's banned from the house. Tanya obviously wasn't thrilled at all when she found out my mom would be meeting us at the mall, but I told her it should be ok since it had been a long time and my mom had probably gotten over her hatred.

Nope. Wrong again.

When my mom arrived, it was like watching something from the movie Mean Girls. I felt really embarrassed that my mom acted the way she did because... I don't know. I really don't understand her anymore- how she can let a much younger girl get to her so much. I mean, Tanya's mom forgave me a long time ago, even though from her perspective you could say that I led Tanya into a lot of trouble. When I was troubled and crying, Tanya's mom was there to talk to me while my mom was frowning and asking me "what, what do you want to say?".

Sometimes I wonder if it's just because of our culture.

I recently watched this movie about three generations of mothers and their daughters. It made me realise that perhaps it's just a part of Chinese culture- the way mothers act the way they do...... like a far distant cold star shining over their daughters.
Enough of this. My mom is still my mom. I've recently been trying to get used to the whole "obedience" thing but I'll tell you, it's really difficult.

Anyway, I spent this morning looking for mechanics after church but they're all closed for the Sunday. In case you're wondering, the window on the drivers' side of my car got itself unhinged. I can't move it up or down. It's stuck. I looked it up online and apparently it happens to a lot of Honda Civics and Accords. The mechanic will have to open up the door and realign the window or change some mechanism inside.

Tomorrow I have school in the morning, then work at night. No practise at all this week! This week is my week off! I am so relieved you have no idea. I can finally rest and try to get over my incessant flu/cold/fever/cough.

That's all. Overall it has been a pretty decent weekend and I think I like Staten Island a lot better than Bayonne now. The place just feels more... alive. It's cleaner too and the roads are wider. The only thing that sucks is having to pay tolls no matter which direction you go- towards Brooklyn or towards NJ. So much for great locations.

So... Obama got hired for the next four years by the American people. Big change. Whatever. They all tout big change, but really... The biggest change that needs to happen will not happen because everybody's way too comfortable with the way things are. This world is coming to an end and that's my firm belief. Life may not necessarily be in the pits, but I'm certain it's not going to be improving a whole lot.

I'm just enjoying what I can right now and building for the future, no matter how bleak it seems.

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